Using DSD's middle name as first name for baby

[Thomasina76]

Only hypothetical but DH and I are TTC and talking about possible baby names. The only girls' names I have ever liked are Emilia and Clara, with Clara being my favourite. Unfortunately, Klara is his 14 year old daughter's middle name so he won't let me use it. I sort of agree but, on the other hand, middle names are used so infrequently that I am not sure how much of a big deal it would be. Her first name is Emma so Emilia is also out. Just means we'll have to go with a name I'm not mad on if it's a girl. Such as shame as I alwasy wanted a girl I could call Clara. DS would have been Clara if he's been a girl.

Thansk teenyrabbit. That's precisely why I wanted to check. Noone ever uses middle names. They are given to us but then forgotten about. Complete waste of a name if you ask me. You also do have cases where all the kids share a middle name - thinking Sly Stallone here.

No you can't use it.

I can see it's disappointing though.

What about Claudia?

Just because it starts with C doesn't mean I am going to like it!

I had 2 cousins named after me -- literally the same first name. I just felt important tbh.

I don't think the names are off limits, personally.

By the way, DH was perfectly happy to use MY middle name for a baby! I hate my middle name so wouldn't use it but wondering why that's ok.

I think it's because she might feel she's being replaced, that isn't going to happen if you use your own middle name. I'm not saying she would feel that way but your DH obviously has his reasons. She's his DD. Don't you trust him to make the decision?

Are you a step-child, Teeny?

I'm not but my children are and very many of their friends are in blended families too. It can be so unsettling for them when a parent gives them a half-sibling. Lots of my teenage daughter's friend's relationships with one parent have been dented when that hasn't been handled sensitively and they've felt that in some way they've been replaced or that there is less time and love available to them. (A recent example is DD's best friend being told not to come round for a week to allow babymooning for the parents.)
So I personally would be rather upset if the man with whom I'm TTC suggested using one of my children's names for our potential child. It's not something I'd consider even for a moment. In fact quite the opposite - my children will be helping us to choose the name if we're lucky enough to give them a half-sibling.
Different strokes for different folks and all that - and clearly OP's DH wasn't upset by the suggestion. But the risk that DSD could be - or that they ask for her permission and she says yes to be nice but later regrets it -makes it a no-brainer for most people who've got experience of the challenges of blended families I think.

Yes I am somerville!

I really really wouldn't care. Honestly. It's a middle name.

I don't think I'd even be that bothered if for instance me and dp split and he had another child and they had my child's middle name to be honest. It's quite unusual but we don't actually use it on a day to day basis and I'd probably see it as a link between the two kids.

Though if we had used dss middle name for our ds first name, he'd have been thrilled, though his mother would probably have tried to burn my house down or something.

Somerville, it's DSD's middle name, not her first name. I am 99% sure that she wouldn't care if we used her middle name, at all, neither would any of our other children. DH has the same middle name as his DS. I think DSS saw it as an honour.

As for children feeling unsettled by the arrival of step-siblings, it's lovely to know mumsnetters actually care about that. I was given pretty short shrift this time last year when I found out my ex was having a baby with his new girlfriend only 5 months after meeting her. I was very worried about the impact on my DSs, especially after my ex had left them for a woman he had had an affair with which all ended badly, them moved swiftly on. I was told it was nothing to do with me and to get on with it and wish them well.

I think if you name the baby 'after her' and she likes that idea then go for it. She may be flattered and love it!

i wouldn't use it because it looks like you couldn't be bothered thinking up another name.

I have a daughter called one of your favoured names- other names we like/liked are

Margaret (Maggie)
Harriet
Frances
Rosa/ Rosemary (we didn't know how it'd be spelled though)
Marianne (Marri for short)
Juliet
Lucille
Dorothea
Lucia
Ruth

If DSD saw it as an honour and that you were naming the baby after her then that's fine.

If she felt in any way that she was being replaced by a newer model, then definitely not.

Personally I would not use a siblings name (second name or not) I feel
It is in bad taste. I would find a unique name for the new baby.

I've got the same first name as my older sisters middle name. It has literally never been a problem

All dd's cousins have mixed and matched first and second names - dd's middle name is the first name of both her cousin and grandma, and the middle name of her other grandma. DNephew's middle name is DH's first name. That's what families often do, isn't it?

I'd have thought that your DSD would be pleased that she shares a name with the new baby.

I think it's odd. I remember reading that the dragon's den guy Peter JOnes has an Annabel with his first wife and an Isabel with his second wife and I thought it seemed like the first daughter wasn't considered naming the second.

I think no.

I felt the same way about a boys name when I was pregnant that we couldn't use for other reasons and it made it hard to think of any others and seemed to focus me on it even more. But it did pass.

I wonder if also, subconsciously, your affection for your stepdaughter is making those similar names more appealing to you.

I would suggest you make the decision that it's off the table and start from scratch.

What is it about those names you like? Do they have particular associations? I think similar sounding names are going to be too near the mark.

Ines is nice. Ooh. I bet you get a bunch of Spanish suggestions too now!

I love Maria on its own!

I do think of the names you love, Eleni would be OK as cousins having similar names isn't a huge issue, IMO.

How is Ines pronounced? Eee-Nez? Inn-Nez?

I'm assuming by your previous posts OP that 'Klara' doesn't hold a meaning for your DH? A family name or such? Our children's middle names are all names of family members we love, so they hold a lot of meaning for us personally. What about his previous partner, perhaps she chose Klara, do you know the background?
I think personally I would steer clear, I'm assuming you'd want the Clara spelling rather than the K, I think that in itself might possibly be misconstrued depending on your relationship with DSD/her mother.

Also, all the names I loved during my pregnancies ended up being entirely discarded once the baby/babies arrived. DS has a name that we actually came across whilst reading and watching things whilst I was being induced. DTwins had all sorts of combinations before we settled on their names.
You will find other names you like.

Maria is lovely

Paloma. Beautiful Spanish name.
Gabriella
Lucia

Could you have Clara as a mn too?

Personally it wouldnt bother me however sadly if it does your dh then its off the cards..

Is it the whole " ara" sound he is against or just the Clara/Klara?

I do feel for you op. I have 4 children and none of them have my favourite name as dh didn't like them.