I don't want our daughter to have a middle name... DP does... How do we come to an agreement?

[AutumnSkiesAreOrange]

I don't want our daughter to have a middle name. She will have a double-barrelled surname... It's enough! She'll be Scarlett Daniels-Harryson...

DP wants her to. However, it's not to honour anyone, so it's literally his preference or mine! I finally gave in and said that a 1 syllable name would be fine, so we chose Joy. Scarlett Joy Daniels-Harryson (I think it sounds too much, but would be happy with it)... He now claims that it isn't fair as because I wasn't fussed about a middle name, he should be able to pick it, as it's him who's fussed. Which I don't see makes sense!? As I'm fussed! I was fussed about her not having one. He wants it to be 4 syllables (he's still in a strop that he had to compromise for the 1st name)...

Seriously, how do we fix this?

I think the OP got a hard time because it sounded in her first post as if her dp had already had to compromise on the first name he wanted as well as having to fight for a middle name. I also think if she'd given the name he wanted in that fist post she would have had a different response. Petronilla is interesting.

Personally I think both parents should have the right of veto, and ideally should find names that they both really like rather than one or both compromising. Sounds like the father to be has gone off Joy which is his prerogative, but that doesn't mean the OP has to accept Petronilla!

You've compromised over the first name and double barrelling the surname, so you know you're both capable of it. You now just need to find a middle name you both agree on. Not Joy or Petronilla. Find one you both like instead of anyone having power of veto.

I personally think that middle names are fun (I have 4) but that is just my own opinion. Even if I didn't like them though, I wouldn't see any harm in letting DH give her a middle name, as she can choose whether or not to use it. It's very rare that anyone ever uses their full name, isn't it?

My real sticking point here is his choice of name... Petronilla?! Is it even a name? Petronella I have heard of. I much, much prefer Joy (again, imposing my preferences on you). She's much more likely to enjoy having Joy in her name than sounding like a mis-spelled scented candle...

Sorry.

I think that you can veto the name if you don't like it but don't dictate how many syllables it can have. Honestly that's a bit over the top.

This is just a name. A middle name.

I had a middle name that I was mocked for but it was only gentle mocking and very rare (ie when we discussed it). I'm certainly not scarred by it - I also have a slightly unusual middle name (and surname) which people used to get wrong which annoyed me.

Now I'm an adult, I love my names.

So for example Scarlett Elizabeth Daniels-Harryson - I think that flows much better than Scarlett Joy Daniels-Harrysen! The latter sounds like 2 names to me, Scarlett Joy and Daniel Saracen

Scarlett Elizabeth is infinitely nicer than your compromise name, or his suggestion. And yes, it flows better too.

Yes, Scarlet Elizabeth sounds lovely.

I was all for saying middle names don't matter, so maybe let him pick if it is important to him.

But you are compromising and Petronilla is, well, quite a mouthful. It doesn't flow with your other names. That wouldn't matter so much if it had some special meaning or was after a relative. But it isn't.

When DP and I were naming our daughters we both had an unspoken veto. An "I'm not sure about that", "hmm" or plain "no way" was enough to take a name off the table, as it should have been. I would have had final call if it came to it, but it was important to me that we were both happy.

What I'd suggest is an approach that a friend took when she and her husband couldn't find any middle ground. They each wrote a list of ten names. They swapped the lists. Each removed up to five names from the other's list, allowing elimination of any truly hated names. They then merged the lists and took turns to remove a name from the new list. When there were two names left they discussed them and picked one. If they hadn't been able to agree they would have out the final two names in a hat.

Remember you register the birth as you aren't married. Compromise, yes. But don't be browbeaten.

You're definitely right to insist you like the name. Madness that he should just get to choose. I'm also not a fan of either option. I like:
Florence
Eva
Chloe
Katy
Anna
Laura
Lucy
Jasmine
Helena
Erin

Is he winding you up with Petronilla? Petrol/vanilla hybrid weirdness! Scarlett Joy does sound a bit racy... Scarlett Olivia is nice. It's a mouthful of a name anyway. Having a short first name would make more sense.

Do not use both- your child will hate you for it!
I know a couple of little Scarlett's and find their friends shorten it to Scar which I'm not a fan of. Scarlett's lovely though.

I think it's the double barrelled surname that's the issue but if you're fixed on that.

If you don't mind a two syllable middle name, you could swap them...

Petronilla Scarlet (but only one t) Daniels Harryson

Or you could take some deep breaths, realise that in the grand scheme of things it's not important and it shouldn't be a competition and get on with your lives together.

Great idea, give the child the long ugly name that her mother hates as a first name instead of a middle name

The OP and her partner have decided to give the child a double-barrelled surname, she was not asking for opinions on that and I wish people would stop giving them.

I get so sick of people shitting on double-barrelled surnames on here. Don't do it when the OP isn't even asking the question.

OP, is that you?

It was a joke, made because all the angst is daft (just as my suggestions were)

Petronilla will never be used unless the child wants to use it, no one will just it day to day because it's too much of a mouthful with the surname too.

Middle names are neither here nor there, and getting worked up about it isn't good for mother, baby or relationship with father.
The fact that OP has left the thread because she is getting irate and hormonal shows very clearly that a) it's all got out of hand and b) at this point it's all theoretical as OP isn't here any more.