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Original poster

I don't want our daughter to have a middle name... DP does... How do we come to an agreement?

92 replies

AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 03:08

I don't want our daughter to have a middle name. She will have a double-barrelled surname... It's enough! She'll be Scarlett Daniels-Harryson...

DP wants her to. However, it's not to honour anyone, so it's literally his preference or mine! I finally gave in and said that a 1 syllable name would be fine, so we chose Joy. Scarlett Joy Daniels-Harryson (I think it sounds too much, but would be happy with it)... He now claims that it isn't fair Hmm as because I wasn't fussed about a middle name, he should be able to pick it, as it's him who's fussed. Which I don't see makes sense!? As I'm fussed! I was fussed about her not having one. He wants it to be 4 syllables (he's still in a strop that he had to compromise for the 1st name)...

Seriously, how do we fix this?

OP posts:
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FluffyFluffster · 29/10/2016 05:57

Huh. Go to the other thread. There you can name her what you like and just not register him as the father because he's bullying you into it. This is a weird place sometimes.

Petronilla...? That's a name? I'm sorry but I dislike it a lot but I'm possibly pronouncing it wrong and keep trying to say petroleum.

I think people are on the side of letting him have the middle name because to most people, it doesn't matter so don't consider it worth the argument. My middle name isn't relevant since it never gets used.

Joy is lovely and fits with the rest of the name.

Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 05:57

She doesn't. Needs and wants are a different thing.

Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 05:59

FWIW, Scarlett Joy is just as bad as Scarlett Petronilla.

Scarlett Joy is two nouns for a name, and Scarlett Petronilla is one noun and one made-up word for a name.

FabFiveFreddie · 29/10/2016 06:00

Surely midway between none and four is two...?

Personally I think four syllables works better than one with a double barreled name, but Petronilla is a bit odd.

Original poster
AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 06:04

It doesn't matter if you think Joy is just as bad. Joy is the name we both agreed on. The other name is a name I hate. Surely it's logical to go with the one we both like? Confused

This place really is crazy!

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 29/10/2016 06:07

Scarlett Joy does sound like a women's porn site TBH. Nobody uses middle names, and it matters to your DP. We are expecting DS1 after Christmas and will be saddling him with an AWFUL middle name, but it belonged to someone we loved very much who is no longer with us. Doesn't really matter it's a terrible name as other than the BC and in wedding vows, it simply won't be used!

Original poster
AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 06:10

It means something to my DP for no good reason. I've explained why no middle name or a normal one is better. He has no argument for that odd name (a name I can't even pronounce).

It's fucking ridiculous quite frankly!

It means a lot to me to name our daughter Violet Daniels, but guess what? Your partner has to agree with the name. So we had to find a first name we both like and double barrel. Strange that a man always has to have more of a name, oh maybe it's because he agreed to double barrel? Maybe that's why.

OP posts:
Pluto30 · 29/10/2016 06:12

Sounds like you're losing the plot a bit, OP.

It's just a middle name. Scarlett Joy, Scarlett Petronilla, both are bad. I also agree with a PP that a compromise would be a 2 syllable middle name.

Original poster
AutumnSkiesAreOrange · 29/10/2016 06:16

Lost the plot? Probably. I'm heavily pregnant.

2 syllables, also fine by me. But not exactly helpful when the entitled one only wants 4 syllables.

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 29/10/2016 06:32

I'm on your side. Our dc have a long surname all his one of our requirements was that the middle name had to be one syllable because on the times that you need to say it, or worse, spell it you don't want to be there for ages. For the same reason we wanted something normal. Scarlett is nice but it does make a statement, if the child decides to go by a different name (in our family many go by their middle name) you want something less extreme and most importantly something you both agree on. Besides Petronilla is awful. Reminds me of Aunt Petunia for some reason from Harry Potter.

Penfold007 · 29/10/2016 06:35

Perhaps you should register the birth yourself, give her the first and surname you want. Leave the entitled one out of the process.

CheddarGorgeous · 29/10/2016 06:50

You are getting a really hard time. There's nothing controlling about vetoing a name you dislike.v You've agreed Joy, you should both stick to it.

Unless you give her two middle names Grin

Redkite10a · 29/10/2016 06:57

There is a limit to how long a name you can fit on a passport. If it is too long they abbreviate it and the full name goes on the notes page. They are supposed to use the abbreviation you suggest but they ignored it for me, and it does look a bit weird. Mine also doesn't fit on some bank systems and they randomly drop letters off one of my middle names to make it fit....

Could you suggest whatever name you agree has to fit on a passport - a very practical reason for keeping it shorter?

BitOutOfPractice · 29/10/2016 07:01

Op I suggest you get this thread edited / deleted. I don't think it's a great idea to have your child's full name here like this

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 29/10/2016 07:04

Oh yes the bank and computer problems are an issue, although probably already approaching/over the limit already.

Fewerofwhomithinkwell · 29/10/2016 07:10

I don't think you sound controlling, your DP has gone back on something. Do you think your experience of having a middle name has tarnished your views? I think you stick to your guns. My DDs both have two middle names AND a double barrel surname, which I like, but it's not for everyone.

DixieNormas · 29/10/2016 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midcenturymodern · 29/10/2016 07:25

I'm a big fan of middle names and I'm really struggling to see the objection but Scarlett Joy is awful. It sound like something off the menu at a brothel. Petronilla is a bit rare and noun sounding to have after an adjective imo. Petronella might be better as it's more common.

If I were you I would re-negotiate a compromise to a middle name that doesn't make her sound like a euphemism or an industrial solvent.

LynetteScavo · 29/10/2016 07:35

Exactly what midcenturymodern said. I'm glad someone else said it first

If you've had to compromise on the first name, and your DH wants a middle name and you don't, surely that means you get to chose the middle name.

Enariva · 29/10/2016 07:41

I agree with you OP. You're already compromising, you shouldn't have to call your child something you dislike. It reminds me of Aunt Petunia too.

On the other hand, you don't have to use it save for official purposes, and lots of people pretend they don't have middle names if they dislike them.

Personally I wouldn't agree to it, but then my husband would never try to force it. I guess you have to decide if it's a battle worth fighting.

septembersunshine · 29/10/2016 07:45

My kids all love having a middle name and are really proud of them. They also love hearing why we picked them. For example my dd1 middle name is Charlotte after queen Charlotte street in bristol where me and dh met. Maybe you could find something that means something to you and that sounds ok? I think it's nice to have one tbh because one day your dd might want to use it and really after the announcement no one really this about the middle name much. Having said all that I think one or two sylabells would be best with your fast and last name. Plus two sylabells really gives you so much more choice. Could you both compromise on that and pick something meaningful to you both? That would be my resolution to the problem.

Blu · 29/10/2016 07:45

Petronilla is dreadful.

You have been given a very hard time here, OP.

What is the issue over the first name ? Is he less than keen? Is it your choice it have you both compromised?

When is your baby due ? I used to get completely disorientated poring over name after name, every word started to sound like a possible; colander, jello, glacier...

Give it a break for a few days.

(My child with s hyphenated surname has no middle name, we didn't see any point in an extra name, and thought his surname long enough!)

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/10/2016 07:47

Personally I'm not keen on Joy or Petronilla. I'd keep looking.

Ratbagcatbag · 29/10/2016 07:53

We had similar with DD, my dh loved very traditional names and me more unusual. Dd first name was a compromise for me and dh did not want a middle name. I explained that i wanted a nod to a bit less traditional name as Middle name, dh agreed but I also recognised that he had to like it, so some of my more out there suggestions were vetoed.

I get why you are both frustrated with this. I think you need to say no way to petronilla, it needs to be a name you agree on (although not love, just that it's ok for you to say and don't hate) but you need to not say it can only be 1 syllable.
Good luck. It's a tough one to sort.

Spadequeen · 29/10/2016 07:56

Wow. There's a lot of hate here for the op. And it doesn't matter whether we like the names Petronilla or Joy or not. This is a question of why should dh get the final say in the name or equallly why should op get the final say. However op has compromised and agreement was made and the man has changed his kind and come up with a name that op hates and is insisting.

He's being a knob and quite cruel as you are heavily pregnant, probably tired and hormonal right now.

Yanbu at all op he is being changing the goal posts. You compromised on the first name and on actually having a middle name. Tell him to stop behaving like a toddler not getting his own way.

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