I don't want our daughter to have a middle name... DP does... How do we come to an agreement?

[AutumnSkiesAreOrange]

I don't want our daughter to have a middle name. She will have a double-barrelled surname... It's enough! She'll be Scarlett Daniels-Harryson...

DP wants her to. However, it's not to honour anyone, so it's literally his preference or mine! I finally gave in and said that a 1 syllable name would be fine, so we chose Joy. Scarlett Joy Daniels-Harryson (I think it sounds too much, but would be happy with it)... He now claims that it isn't fair as because I wasn't fussed about a middle name, he should be able to pick it, as it's him who's fussed. Which I don't see makes sense!? As I'm fussed! I was fussed about her not having one. He wants it to be 4 syllables (he's still in a strop that he had to compromise for the 1st name)...

Seriously, how do we fix this?

I understand why you don't want a long middle name, I had a similar situation. Better to try to find something you both like and not worry about how long it is. I know you're having to compromise further but it is not reasonable for him to say it has to be Petronilla when there are millions of names to choose from.

Why 'Petronilla', that sounds made up. Petronella is the more usual spelling.

Petronilla is a horrible name. Though I don't like the combination of Scarlett Joy either tbh.

I think you've had some really strange responses here, OP. Not really sure why you should accept a name that you hate! It is not controlling to veto a name that you really dislike, and you are already compromising by agreeing to have a middle name in the first place. Your DH now needs to compromise too, so that you're both content with the names that you finally choose.

Hope you find a mutually acceptable way forward!

I'm with you OP. He wants a middle name, you don't. The compromise was to choose a simple, one syllable name which you both agreed on. He has since decided that he actually doesn't want to compromise and he wants a truly awful 4 syllable name. I wouldn't give my children any name that I didn't like. Even if it was a middle name. Tell him no and if he's decided he doesn't like joy anymore then you can both decide on a different one.

Hi OP,

i think its reasonable for DP to request a middle name. But it should be an agreed name. And that includes syllables...

Having said that, there are some glorious long middle name options out there [ not petronilla tho!!] and as many folk have said , its only used as much as you DD will want.

Eg Persephone, Eleanor or some on this:
www.theartofnaming.com/2015/01/4-syllable-girl-names.html

Scarlett Joy and Scarlett Petronilla are both awful together to be honest, I agree with the pp who said they sound like porn names!
You also sound extremely controlling and reacting in quite anvextremeceay to a middle name that will rarely be used.

So he's got his way with the first name, with the double barrelled surname and now wants his way with the middle name?
Ridiculous!
I'd go back to the start and say you want more of a say in the first name at the very least if he's having his choice of surname and is adding a middle name against your wishes

OP, I don't have anything new to say, but wanted to come on and support you - you've had a rough time on here! It's difficult as there is no compromise really, no middle ground.

Petronilla is terrible though.

Have you tried the nameberry website? There's an option to put a name you do like and bring up similar ones. I trawled through that many an evening.....

There are a lot of people on AIBU that think men shoukd name their babies and not be troubled for inout by the incubator. Ignore them.

Petronilla is a name you inflict on a child to make a point about who is in control. She will be embarrassed by it for her entire life becausebit is ugly, preposterous, and wrong.

OP please stop arguing about your baby to be's name before they're even born. It's not necessary to hammer it out in advance and unpleasantly, as you are both doing.

Who knows you may even have a son despite being told it's a girl! Happened to me, true story.

Have your child, your lives will instantly change beyond words, then you'll be able to figure out their name.

You are in such a wonderful position - try to enjoy your good fortune that you will soon have a new baby.

If that is the real names you have used in your post, they are incredibly identifying. Are you sure you're ok with that?

A different 4 syllable name would work.
What about Scarlett Elizabeth? Scarlett Marianna?

No 4 syllable name will work because the child's incubator mother does not want such a long middle name.

Poor OP. Both parents should have a veto on any specific name. That's not controlling or uncompromising! Sure, middle names don't matter much, but mum and dad both need to like the full name. I'd say the best compromise is to have a middle name, but it has to be one you like too. Good luck!

Bloody hell, since when did Baby Names morph into AIBU?!

DH and I are having a similar debate. The baby will have two surnames (which DH wasn't convinced about but he's realised it's non-negotiable as far as I'm concerned). We've agreed on a short first name we both really like (phew! yay!) I want to give the baby a middle name and DH doesn't. I have suggested something short so the full name isn't too much of a mouthful (not that the full name would be used very often). I also want to use a family name rather than just giving a middle name for the sake of it. We still haven't decided, but given that DH isn't sure about having one in the first place, I would never insist on a name he doesn't like. Certainly not a long and ugly name like Petronilla.

Could you suggest that if he's changed his mind about Joy, he comes up with one or two other options that you can choose together? Perhaps you could ask him to stick to one or two syllables, and veto a name if you really dislike it, but be reasonably flexible apart from that.

Bizarre responses at the start of this thread! It's not controlling to veto a hideous long middle name for your kid. Just say no. That name is not happening. He can suggest an alternative or you can stick with no middle name. (Please not Scarlett Joy though, that is very porny).

DH wants a long middle name
You want no middle name

So... a short middle name?
Joy
Ann
Rose
Grace
Kate
Eve
Fay
Blair
Blake
Fleur
Blythe
Clare
Belle

There are so many lovely one syllable options.

I've just done a quick Google and the maximum length name the DVLA will accept is 30 characters. I've just done a quick count and I reckon that you are up to 24 already excluding spaces (but including the hyphen).

Life is far too short to have a name that will be a hassle for legal documents. So a six letter limit would be sensible. (Obviously check I'm right about this.)

If you don't like Petronilla what with it being awful then you have the right to veto.

You need a middle name you both like. Have no clue why people say that you should go with what he wants because no one cares about middle names anyway. That's a ridiculous argument - if someone comes on and says their child's middle name is "pooface", "smelly" or "baufhrjwgxnd" then I'll listen again! (If it doesn't matter - why not?!?!)

Legally he is stuffed here. You call him DP so presumably not married. Means only you can register. You should get a name you both agree on. But technically if you want Violet Daniels then he can't stop you.....

Give her a lovely middle name and get rid of that ridiculous double barrel surname

My parents, although they seem to agree on everything else, could never agree on a name for me. As a result, I have a first name (three syllables), two middle names (Anna Elizabeth), and a double-barrelled last name. It has literally never been a problem.

I have friends with middle names that could be considered "embarrassing"; it has literally never been a problem and they all find it funny.

OP, I genuinely don't think this is an issue!

There is absolutely no need for people to be rude about the OP's chosen names or surnames, unless they are willing to post their own name or their DC's name for similar scrutiny.

OP, there's nothing wrong with any of the names you have mentioned, nor the double barrelled surname. If I were you I would put aside the name discussion for a few weeks and get some distance/perspective.

Great name choice

My DD is Scarlett Elizabeth-Rose

My children have hyphenated last names and 3 first names each, never caused them a problem.

Unicorn

I think you have the right to veto the name if you were willing yo compromise that she could have a middle name. He should get his way with the middle name AND have thr only say in what it us. And petronilla is a horrible name a bit like a fuel induced football team!

How about a new surname - a combination of the two you've hyphenated - Danison is actually rather nice, imho. Then you can go for a longer middle name that you both like.

I do think he is allowed to change his mind about Joy - lots of people on here have done the same, especially if it was such a compromise in the first place. I'd have been annoyed if DH had insisted our dc only got a one-syllable name. There often isn't a compromise to be had - I think you have to weigh up what other compromises/wins were made overall. e.g. I ideally wanted two middle names for both my DC. DH didn't, and he 'won' because a) he would have been fine with no mn at all so I was glad to even get one, and I did get my number one choices for first names for them, so I felt lucky about that. So weighing those points up, I let go of the wish for a second middle name. I do still wish they had those second middle names, but I feel overall I more got my choices.

If you don't go for my new surname idea, I do think you both need to find a middle name you are both content with. Two syllables is more of a compromise down from four.

Finally, I had a d-b surname growing up, a three-syllable first name and a two-syllable middle name. I like my first and middle names, it was the d-b surname that was a pita.