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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Obsessed with name change

25 replies

Daddyfinger · 23/02/2016 21:27

Wasn't sure from the start, now totally gone off the name.Feeling ridiculous and guilty. I'm dealing with this for few months now.Baby is over the year so only option is deed poll or know as name. Middle name is not an option. Do you think it is too selfish to change first name now? Anyone been in my situation? Thank you

OP posts:

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Pipsweet1 · 23/02/2016 22:12

You poor thing 🙁. How long is over a year and what's the name? Have you spoken to dh?x

Original poster

Daddyfinger · 23/02/2016 22:37

He decided on name and thinks it's OK, I wasn't keen but agreed. I wanted Sophia but everyone said it's too popular. Hate myself for this.I all the time find something I don't like about this name. Don't want to say here, it's top 20 name. Wondering maybe stick Sophia and leave current name as mn,but they don't "flow ".

OP posts:

Original poster

Daddyfinger · 23/02/2016 22:41

I'm going to sleep and waking up just thinking about this. I'm feeling like I destroyed my lo life. I understand it's ridiculous, but can't help myself.

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IdaJones · 23/02/2016 22:45

It wouldn't matter about first and mn flowing if you put sophia in front as people rarely use mns. Plenty of people i know i have no idea of their mn. On the other hand you won't have destroyed your lo's life with a top 20 name as it can't be anything ridiculous.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 23/02/2016 22:51

I'm sorry but in the kindest possible way you need to get a grip on your feelings and concentrate on more important things.

You quite clearly haven't destroyed your child's life. It's. A. Name. So yes, your thoughts are ridiculous and obsessing. Please try to work on getting a perspective in proportion to the issue

At the time it was chosen with someone's right thinking reasons. You may not have been 100% then, or now, but your DC can always vote with their feet at any time in their life and choose something they like, OR, they might even be happy enough with the name they already have.

With the strength of feeling you have, I'm wondering if this issue is part of a wider problem? is there anything else you want to talk about?

ILoveACornishPasty · 23/02/2016 23:00

I don't want to be unkind and I'm so sorry if it sounds it it if your daughter is healthy and happy then please sleep soundly. There are so many people who would give limbs to have a child, and happily put up with calling it Adolph if it meant a bonny baby. My youngest is called Jacob. Wish I had called him Thomas. He's fabulous. I bet your daughter is too! Give her a nickname for home if you want to, or her initials but it's not really the devastation you seem to feel it is. Sorry you feel so terrible.

Original poster

Daddyfinger · 23/02/2016 23:36

Thank you,ladies. My DH said the same she will grow and she will make decision, but at the same time he is tired to listen me moaning about the same all the time and let to change if I wish. I am so worried about name calling at school and recently I found out there is kids show with a character who has the same name. So I'm trying to avoid possible bullying. Am I over thinking this?

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Pipsweet1 · 23/02/2016 23:38

If your husbands willing to let you change and it's making you this unhappy, maybe speak to other family members and see how they react to it? Also does she respond to her name now as that might be a problem.

Original poster

Daddyfinger · 23/02/2016 23:44

Pipsweet, our families are behind us whatever , I don't care about friends, just want what's best for my lo.

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PotOfYoghurt · 23/02/2016 23:45

If it's a top 20 name it's very unlikely to be cause for bullying.

Is there anything else that's been worrying you lately?

FoolsAndJesters · 24/02/2016 00:40

Can't you use a NN. It does take long to get used to a new name and it's also possible for different people to call a person different names. There's nothing stopping you using the name you want straight away.

WanderingTrolley1 · 24/02/2016 00:47

"Destroyed" your LO's life?!

Get a grip.

Original poster

Daddyfinger · 24/02/2016 00:48

I think she responds to anything,I started to use her name very late,it was difficult for me even pronounce it.
FoolsAndJesters -what do you mean NN?Some version of her name.

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mrsschu · 24/02/2016 08:02

If she has a top 20 name I cannot imagine that she will be bullied for it. There will most likely be other children in her class/year/school with the same name - they won't all be bullied because of their name.

I think you're projecting your feelings about it onto your daughter - she may well be very happy with her name! I'm sorry it's getting you so down but I think at 1 year old it's a little late in your DD's life to change her name. As other people have said, perhaps come up with a nickname you like for her and use that.

Pipsweet1 · 24/02/2016 08:35

Children will find any reason to tease. If your going to be that kid that gets teased it won't be because of your name, they will find any reason, such as your clothes, hair colour, shoes... Kids are harsh! The only thing that's going to effect your baby is you being negative, If you feel changing it is going to make you feel happier then do it. I certainly don't remember being 1years old. Hope that kind of helps.

mydogeatsnutstoo · 24/02/2016 08:36

I would change it if it is causing you this much angst - you will have to call her it her whole life so you need to be happy with it! There is probably a small window of opportunity to do so now, but by the time she gets to around two it will be too late IMO. I would maybe keep the original name in as a middle name so it doesn't feel like a complete turnaround.

Agree with others though it sounds like it might be part of a wider issue such as post natal depression which may be
worth considering.

I know others have said it is not a major issue in the long run and if it is a popular name I doubt it will have a bad effect on her at all. But I understand name angst can be something that can become quite obsessional - I went through a period after my dc2 was born of obsessing over my dc1s name which had suddenly become very popular and wishing it wasn't - in retrospect I think this was largely down to sleep deprivation but it can be all consuming even though you know it is irrational and very much a 'first world problem'!

FoolsAndJesters · 24/02/2016 09:54

NN is nickname

Mulligrubs · 24/02/2016 10:00

You sound like you're obsessing over the name. You haven't destroyed your child's life, of course you haven't. I don't mean to sound unkind OP but are you well? I had pretty severe undiagnosed PND after my first child was born and part of that was obsessive thoughts. I wasn't diagnosed til my second child was born 2 years later and I am soooooo much better now I am being treated with medication. Just want to say my PND didn't manifest itself as being "down" or "sad" more obsessive and anxious.

VagueIdeas · 24/02/2016 10:01

found out there is kids show with a character who has the same name. So I'm trying to avoid possible bullying. Am I over thinking this?

Yes, you are.

I know little boys called George and Henry. They have backpacks with George Pig and Henry Hugglemonster on them, respectively. So I think their parents took advantage of them sharing a name with a cartoon character! And I bet there are lots of boys called Thomas carrying around Thomas the Tank Engine merchandise.

What makes you think sharing a name with a TV show = bullying?

I don't really think this is about the name though, OP. Have you been suffering from PND? I've seen plenty of threads on here with mums fretting that they've chosen the wrong name, they're worried their child is basically ruined for life, etc, but really they've become fixated on the name as a source of misery, but actually it's not about the name at all. Make sense?

Thurlow · 24/02/2016 10:05

It sounds like the issue here is not your DD's name, but the obsession you are feeling towards it.

It's one thing to think after a while that the name you chose maybe isn't quite right, or that you wish you'd put your foot down about a name you really liked.

However obsessing about it and thinking that you have ruined your DD's life is an extreme emotional reaction to this.

Have you had anything like anxiety or depression before? You say I understand it's ridiculous, but can't help myself, which sounds more like an anxiety focusing itself on the name. Which might be worth talking to a GP about.

My concern would be if you are so obsessed over the name - as in, some anxiety or similar is focusing itself on the name - then actually changing your DD's name won't cure the issue, and you may then find something else to become anxious about?

peggyundercrackers · 24/02/2016 10:17

You are over thinking this and coming up with bizarre reasons to justify why you don't like it. Sounds like you are making other people's lives miserable too. I think you should give it up and get on with your life and be happy you have a healthy child.

VagueIdeas · 24/02/2016 11:41

be happy you have a healthy child.

I don't think it's very helpful to say that. Time and again on MN I see women in turmoil for whatever reason being told to suck it up and be grateful for a healthy child (usually it's in relation to birth trauma) like feeling miserable means they're ungrateful. The OP's distress is real and she needs to explore whether it's really about the name, or something bigger.

Hennifer · 24/02/2016 11:46

I think in this instance it would be very helpful if you could tell us her actual name.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 24/02/2016 12:04

You are obsessing over a name when, really, it is not worth the angst. A child with a top 20 name will not get teased for it. There will likely be at least a couple of other children in her school with the same name. Having the same name as a TV character is likewise a non issue. My niece is Angelina. She actively sought out Angelina Ballerina stuff - she loved having the same name as the character.

Are you alright OP? It's quite an extreme reaction to worry you've destroyed your DCs life by going with a name that wasn't your first choice. I think it would be worth having a chat with your GP about your anxiety.

Pipsweet1 · 24/02/2016 12:10

If your dh and family are with you whatever you decide then what's stopping you changing it if that's what you really want?

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