Should you not use your fav name due to fears of bullying in future?

[KathyLou1981]

Feels like I'm being weak. Some say it will make him individual and any bullying strengthens. Others that my vanity could cause future problems for child. So hard to know what to do?!

Rolan Bolan

"We shouldn't let other peoples reactions stop us doing anything."

Not when we're doing it for ourselves, no. When we're making a decision on behalf of someone unable to consent, the thinking needs to be different.

I liked a couple of out there names when I was pregnant. Universally disliked by half the people I mentioned them too, of the remaining half it was a 50/50 mix of "what did you just say?!" bemusement and enthused approval.

We went with a different, but by no means wildly popular, name and I am glad.

I find this interesting because it seems that bullying because of a name is never the fault of the bully, on MN at any rate. It seems that the majority of people think that unusual names are fair game, and I assume that that message is being passed on loud and clear to their DC.

I don't care how yoonique a name is, I would go ballistic if my DD mocked it.

I just keeping thinking of the song "a boy named Sue"

Tell us the name, we don't know you, and if you were really sure, the comments we make wouldn't bother you. This thread is really pointless without telling us the name, it could be anything from "Fanny" to "Fire Extinguisher"

I think you need to put yourself back into the classroom and imagine your teacher and everyone calling out that name to you, would you be embarrassed or proud of your different name? If you think a name will lead to bullying, then I think its unfair to do that just because you like it and want to make a statement. However if you truly love it and think it will be a positive in your child's life, then people will come around.

My DD2 has a name which is usually panned here on MN on the basis it's hippy / try hard / bully-bait.

Never been a problem. It is very rare (8 named in the UK in her year of birth) but is a 'real' name (was dead trendy in about 1300.) I love it. We get the odd "how unusual' comment but nothing worse. There's nothing wrong with having different tastes in names. (I'd rather a bit of imagination than picking something in the top 10 names.)

OP if you like I'll share DD2's name with you by pm - it's a bit too identifying to post here!

Is it a 'real' name? DD will 99% chance be the only one in her class/ year/ probably even school with her name as it is a bit unusual but if she said it to someone they'd know how to spell it and would know it. If it's a real name kids might take the piss out of (William/ Willy) or just a lesser used name now (Keith/ Nigel) I'd go for it. But if it's unknown I'd keep it as a middle name.

I was bullied as a kid, so my thinking is don't give them extra ammunition. Sorry x.

We need to know the name :)

Well said, RiverTam.

I don't believe it is as issue at all. My two both have unusual names - other kids just take it in their stride - to them, they are just names they haven't heard before.

OP, if you're scared / nervous about mentioning the name here on an anonymous forum because of fear of people's reactions and opinions - just imagine how your poor child will feel EVERY TIME they have to introduce themselves, write that name on their CV, notice the smirk on someone's face or hear the odd comment behind their back. It's not a nice thought, at least to me.

Of course it's really hard to advise whilst not knowing the actual name as it might not be that bad, but your reluctance to share suggests it is.

There are so many nice names out there... Pick something that won't make your child stand out for all the wrong reasons.

You should be proud of the name you give your baby. Anything out of the ordinary gets negative comments from some people, but I bet it's a brilliant name - what is it . . . .?

Search for the name on MN & see what people have said about it before.

I distinctly remember someone at work declaring that his unborn son would be called Stanley, and he was roundly ridiculed by insensitive male colleagues, and told the kid would get bullied. This was more than a decade ago. Stanleys are now ten a penny.

I'd only listen to other people if they had a point. Like the lady yesterday on here that didn't realise calling her daughter Tuppence is akin to calling her Flaps.

My name is very unusual and I love it. I loved being the only one with this name at school, and I love that I've never met another person in 37 years with the same name. However - it is not a made up name, it's not a cr8v spelling of a traditional name and it isn't a name that sounds like a swear word or insult. If it was, I'd be mortified.

Applauds River Tam.

Time again i see on here "dont do that, you/they might get bullied".

Victim blaming much, not such a stretch to "dont wear a short skirt, you might get raped".

Do you all think its ok for your kids, or yourselves, to tease or bully a child because their parents were daft enough to give them a yooneek name? If my kid ever bullied anyone, however much they "asked for it", thered be hell to pay.

Raise your kids not to bully, dont tell others to change.

I was off my face on hormones when I named DD (14) one of the chavviest names there is. I laughed at my then P when he said "why can't we give her a normal name?"

She says she likes her name and has never been bullied or teased. I gave her a very normal middle name she's never really used. I still feel bad. I've told her she can change it if she wants but she just laughs at me and says "Oh, mother."

Agree with RiverTam and AbbyCadabby, my children have unusual names (as do lots of of children at their school) and have never encountered bullying. They love their names.

Bullying because of an unusual name is still bullying and is still unjustified.

DH's first and last name together are very similar to a very iconic film character so he's used to some gentle ribbing, but has never actually been bullied and rather likes his name. He wouldn't change it if he had the chance.

I came up with some really bonkers names when I was first pregnant with my PFB. We nearly called DD1 Lorelei, bad enough but our surname begins with an L too and runs in a similar way.

DD1 is a careful quiet bookish child that name would have been a disaster for her. What was I thinking! Shockingly DH went along with it he didnt have any excuse. Luckily I saw sense in the nick of time.

So you want to saddle your kid with this name for the rest of his life but it's too awful to share on an anonymous forum?

Haven't you answered your own question?

I really like the name Lorelei.

And I do sometimes wonder if our name shapes our character in some way. My name is unusual and people say it suits me. I wonder if your daughter would have been quiet and bookish if she was called Dazzle?

I don't think that Lorelei is all that out there.

DD has a real but very unusual name (rare enough not to show up on list because there are fewer than 3 per year) and she's never been teased about it. She is also quiet and bookish.

DS has an unusual name (just outside the top thousand) but there is another boy at his primary school with the same name.

And there are plenty of other unusually-named children around. Mine are by no means the only ones in their school/brownies/sports clubs with less usual names.

I certainly don't want to bow down to any potential bullies, I've been thinking of the overall impact of the name on the new child.

For me the conversation hasn't been about unusual or off the wall name choices, it's been about the saying every time the OP's mentioned the name it's met with negativity. That's really unusual, for everyone to dislike a name or have something negative to say.

Say for example, Scheherazade. I don't know one in everyday life. I've heard of Sheherazade Goldsmith though. Ex wife of Zac, now partner of Alfonso, according to Wikipedia. None of theirs are run of mill names, but they're just their names.

If I'd named a DC that, I'd anticipate some but say yes, we have Russian ancestry, love the orchestral piece, or heard it from The Arabian Nights or whatever. That'd probably be the end of it. Some would think it too fanciful, too hard to spell etc. but some would probably say something complimentary. It'd be a mixed bag, with the disapproving comments coming from adults rather than peers I'd think and not really any more or any less than being given a really really popular name.

Upshot of it is, that if we'd chosen an out of the ordinary name and got some bad responses, so be it, but if I hadn't had a single approval, I'd have to give serious consideration to why that was.

I'm agog to know what the name is and what the DF thinks of it.

Not everyone is going to like the name you choose. If it's quite traditional, some people will think it's too boring. If it's more unusual, some people will think it's too weird.

But the fact that you're not willing to share it on here says a huge amount about how comfortable you feel about the name.

Or it says that the OP might have family members on MN and doesn't want to out herself? For all we know the name could be something like, I dunno, Arabella, and her family are all squawking that it's too posh. I've seen threads where people's families have all hated a name but when the name is finally revealed it's perfectly acceptable to all bar the most narrow-minded.

As others have said, it really does depend on the name. And it's very strange for a name to be met with negativity every time it's mentioned. If it's just an unusual name, I wouldn't worry too much about bullying! If it was a name like Adolf, for example, I would think that was very unfair to the child. You really aren't going to get a straight answer on here without giving us the name x