Parents hate our baby's name

[sorbet02]

We have named our baby after a family member who is no longer with us. It is a name we love and we thought it was fitting because of the family connection. However my mother told me yesterday that she is struggling with it and that when my husband phoned them with the news my parents agreed that 'it couldn't be worse'. We don't want to change the name but I am upset that our choice has been so badly recieved. I'm hoping that they will come round but I'm worried it will always be an issue. Anyone had any experience of a situation like this? Did everyone get used to it in the end?

Is there something you don't know about this family member? It seems a rather extreme reaction!

My MIL spat DD's name out when she first heard it, as in 'What??? Her name is X Y Lavendersun!!!!!'.

We just ignored her - we loved it and everyone else did - I presume that she has got over it, but if she hasn't she has never dared to mention it again.

I am not sure my lovely, usually very reserved DH held back at the time, DD was in the NICU and I was in HDU so his mother being a witch was not well received.

If you like it stick with it.

Is it because of the name or are they still raw about the family member passing away?

I guess if it were me I would have warned them in advance if I were using the name of someone who had died?

They'll get over it.

I know a family where no one but the couple liked the baby's name (although they were rather more polite about it). Two years in everyone has got used to it. Baby number 2's name was even more 'out there' so clearly it hasn't out the parents off.

Thanks for the comments guys! I'm not sure exactly what the problem is. There is no dark secret about the person the baby is named after and my mum (who seems the most upset) never used their given name. The death was a while ago but perhaps emotions are just too raw. My parents specifically asked not to know the gender or name in advance. With hindsight we perhaps should have given them a heads up but we didn't...

Ask your mother. This sounds like more than just not liking the name.

I would ask too - only our middle name choice had a connection (a 10 year old connection), we thought it was a good connection, MIL didn't.

If she had been nicer about it we might have listened .... slightly, but her timing and the way she did it couldn't have been worse.

My parents have a track record of being quite rude about our dc's names on first hearing. Several years down the line it couldn't be more different. Stick with it.

When we said our daughter would be called Florence, my MIL was horrified.

This is probably quite outing, but she said "I hate it. How about something nice, like Julie or Antoinette?"

She has no recollection of having said this and loves Dd's name now. We did not waver.

We gave our son the same name as a deceased family member not knowing that there was really bad blood between him and my FIL! Luckily we didn't name him "after" the family member and my FIL came round to it. (Ironically I actually wanted to give him my FIL's name which I love but everybody else hated that idea, including FIL)

I dunno about this one. They shouldn't have been rude, but if you use a deceased family member's name, you are kind of asking for weird vibes surrounding it, especially if you haven't discussed it with people in advance. Honestly I'm not one of these people to suggest changing a name, but in this situation I would consider putting the name you've chosen as a middle name, and finding a new one. Whatever you do, you need to have a big talk with your mum about it, because this will hang around forever.

I'm not usually one to support discussing the name with family first, but I agree with SirBoob. In this case, you needed to check first. You need to talk to her and get to the route of the problem. It sounds like the name has upset her, rather than just simple dislike.

When I was choosing names I told my mum I was going to use Jensen... She went pale and told me point blank I couldn't use it. Normally I would tell her to fk off its my baby, however it was clear there was some serious reason she despised the name (not that she told me why) and I didn't want DS being treated differently by her so I got rid of it.

My sister used a deceased family members name and we all thought it was a lovely idea? So maybe there's bad blood x

This sounds more than not liking a name.
It could be associated to something completely different to the name, like the actual person.
I'm trying to say if your mum is upset there is probably good reason. Not that this is your fault at all.

My mother was really upset when we told her dds name. She's named after two of her grandmothers, both of whom lived to a good age and died a long time ago. dh was very keen on using his grandmothers name, and I thought it would be nice to have my grandmothers name in the middle.

My mother said she was unhappy because her mother didn't like her name, but I suspect it was more because she didn't have a good relationship with her. She suggested I use my other grandmothers name instead. I didn't (it was too late anyway, but also I didn't like my other grandmother very much).

First names are much trickier than middle names, and I'd want to have an ideas as to why it was upsetting.

Well, I guess it depends on the reasoning. You're being (understandably) vague, so it's difficult to say.

Was this relative closer to your parents than to you? If so, I think you should respect that.

For example, I know my mum would be upset if someone in our family used her brothers name for their child. He died in a horrible accident 50 years ago, but it still hurts her to hear his name.

I vote you just ignore the kerfuffle and they will soon get used to hearing the name in a new context.