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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Disagreeing on names

19 replies

quesadillas · 21/05/2015 09:31

What do you do when you and your partner seriously disagree on names? I mean to the point of really arguing every time you discuss it. He won't consider any names I like, and I really don't like the ones he's insisting on. He actually told me yesterday he was "putting his foot down" and having the ones he wants.

Complication? It's twins so we have to think of several. I'm having a really tough pregnancy, it'll be a c-section birth and I'm worried that under the influence of drugs I'll just agree to whatever he wants and resent it forever.

Ridiculous I know.....

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Allthatnonsense · 21/05/2015 09:36

If it is twins can't you name one each?

Original poster

quesadillas · 21/05/2015 09:38

I suggested naming one each, but my name choices "aren't good enough."

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Lopsidale · 21/05/2015 09:39

My partner didn't like the name I was absolutely in love with so I told him call the baby what you will I'm calling him this fortunately for me he actually spent a few weeks trying out the name, calling the bump by it when he speaks and now he says he thinks it's actually perfect Ofc I did say if he really didn't like it eventually we'll work it out and think of another but I got lucky

Wishful80smontage · 21/05/2015 09:47

Its so hard we struggled agreeing on our dd name we really had to find aid for ground and compromise. Expecting dc2 so having name discussions again!
Have you both got a particular style of name you like?

Original poster

quesadillas · 21/05/2015 09:52

We both like quite traditional, ageless names that have always been around, but to him that means anything unusual is out. Whereas I don't mind unusual too much. I haven't picked anything that he could say was eccentric or ridiculous in any way (he's vetoed Naomi, Alice, Natasha, Michael, George, Toby) but just won't consider anything other than a small handful of names. And it's not that they're bad names, they're just not quite right for me.

And suggesting calling the twins after his parents/siblings depending on sex doesn't sit right with me.

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DampAndRotten · 21/05/2015 11:10

It sounds like he's being a but if an arse about the issue to be honest. Could you diffuse the situation by agreeing not to give them their "proper" names for at least a week after they're born? So you can recover a bit and see what suits them.

Are these your first dcs?

DampAndRotten · 21/05/2015 11:11

But if = bit of, obviously!

Diamond23 · 21/05/2015 11:13

Go through everything and both compromise. Just get him to read out names from a baby book until you find something. I had girls names I loved that he didn't like. We found a girls name we both liked but it wasn't as much of a love. It's fine.

We never found a boys name although we had a small shortlist. Luckily it was a girl!

BooChunky · 21/05/2015 11:15

I really wanted a name DH hated for our second DD so I let him choose the middle name... And he agreed!

(He loves the name now!)

Diamond23 · 21/05/2015 11:17

Oh and I agree, if you keep arguing etc just forget about it until babies are born.

Re middle name- I insisted this would be a family name from my side since baby (and I) have DHs surname. It's fair your family get something in the next generation

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/05/2015 11:18

Have you used the website where you separately tick all the ones you would consider, then it matches up the ones you have both selected?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/05/2015 11:24

Just found it, it's www.namedtogether.com

Legionofboom · 21/05/2015 11:26

I agree that it sounds like he is being a bit of an arse about it all.

Have you asked him why it is ok for him to choose names that you dislike but not the other way around? I am curious as to why he thinks it is acceptable for your children to be given names you dislike or is he not aware that you actually dislike his choices?

Original poster

quesadillas · 21/05/2015 12:18

He is being an arse. It's our second pregnancy and we had no such trouble first time. I did anticipate trouble, but we agreed ok. Having said that, we had a boy and I think a girl would have been a different story!

There's a few months to go yet. I think waiting a week after the birth might be a good idea if we can't come to any agreement before then.

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SylvaniansAtEase · 21/05/2015 14:08

You say partner (not that he seems to have much idea of what partnership means, but still...)

Are you married? If not, do they have his surname? Even if you are - do you share his name? I'll bet my bum that's the case. If that's so, then I'm afraid that that's the first point to raise. His surname = you get to be happy with first names first and foremost.

If you're not married, now might be the time to point out that you can register them without him having any input, if you choose. Unlike him. And if he's going to be a twat about things, you might just decide that it's better they have your surname...

Original poster

quesadillas · 22/05/2015 08:29

Well, we seem to have come to a compromise of him choosing first name for one and middle name for the other, and vice versa for me. And I've chosen which if his first names he gets to use. Hopefully that'll stop him being so pig-headed, but we'll see what happens when I announce my choices.

Yes, we are married, so all the same surname. One of my suggestions was a first name similar to my maiden name (think similar to Thomas/Thomason) but that was vetoed too. I might put it back on the table though.....

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Koalafications · 22/05/2015 08:36

He's "putting his foot down"

I would be furious of DH said that to me!

Agree that the 'named together' website is useful. DH and I found an extra boys name that we liked by using that site.

Original poster

quesadillas · 22/05/2015 08:46

I actually laughed when he said he was putting his foot down....

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wesH · 22/05/2015 12:36

Your husband needs to learn some **ing respect. Absolutely disgusting how he thinks you can lumber not one, but TWO fetuses around for 9 months, suffer all the physical effects of pregnancy and then go through the stress of childbirth and after all that not have any say in the names of your own kids. You're already having two babies, you don't need another one in the form of your husband throwing temper tantrums. try to get him to realise that this is just causing extra stress that you don't need in your life.

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