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Original poster

Ex's name - etiquette?

27 replies

Keepsake · 24/07/2014 20:20

I'm not pregnant, just pondering. Have name changed because this list could absolutely out me!

My exes have all had wonderful names. Really to my taste. I couldn't ever actually use them, could I?

Names like

Oliver, Benjamin, Gilbert, Hugh, and Russell.

The name I like the most is Hugh, and we only shagged for 6 months at uni. We were never in love, and to be honest it was over a decade ago, I don't think I'd recognise him in the street anymore - so that seems a little bit more reasonable than naming him after one of the great loves of my life. I agree that would be weird.

Obviously DH knows everything about my dating history, and we are very happy. But I know I wouldn't be ok having a daughter with the same name as one of DH's exes.

Has any one ever done this?

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callipygian00 · 24/07/2014 20:48

Never done it but I guess it really depends on your ex's feelings about it. Chatting to your DH might help though, if he knows that it's just that you really like the name and he likes it too, then he probably wouldn't care. If you were to name your son Hugh, then the name would become his - not some bloke's from Uni!

Rhubarbgarden · 24/07/2014 21:09

I think it would be too weird, personally. But really it's a decision only you and your dh can make.

Original poster
Keepsake · 24/07/2014 21:42

Inclined to agree with you Rhubarb. Makes me wish I'd gone out with blokes with ugly names though! Where were all the Geoffs and Tonys in my 20s!

Such a pain-in-the-arse reason to have to put a strike through the name you love.

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VerityWaves · 24/07/2014 21:44

I had this but luckily I had a DD. But I adored one exes name - still do really ....

HauntedNoddyCar · 24/07/2014 21:51

Ex of mine (he was a total shit to me) has given my name as a middle name to his dd. It must be a bizarre coincidence because otherwise it would be odd.

HamAndPlaques · 24/07/2014 22:39

DH vetoed one of my favourite girls' names because of an ex. It wouldn't have bothered me but it did him; fair enough, I thought.

Politelydeclining · 24/07/2014 22:42

I knew a girl with a really unusual name. So unusual that she was more often than not asked where her name came from 'my Dad's ex girlfriend' did tend to make everyone go Shock

Original poster
Keepsake · 25/07/2014 01:36

Never done it but I guess it really depends on your ex's feelings about it.

I wouldn't consult them? I'm not really in touch with any of my exes. Some ended terribly, some just fizzled out and we moved on.

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Original poster
Keepsake · 25/07/2014 01:37

Haunted that is very odd indeed. Do you have an unusual name? If you do, he's bound to remember. If not I could be coincidence that slipped through the net.

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FidelineAndBombazine · 25/07/2014 02:00

It's weirder than the 'we want to give our baby the same name as our cat' thread, I'll say that much.

HauntedNoddyCar · 25/07/2014 02:14

It's a name I always have to spell so not one that's common. But it isn't a made up spelling so feasible that someone in his wife's family has it too.

bbombshell · 25/07/2014 05:24

My name is same as the name of my dad's ex gf, mum is Irish and liked that it wasn't a typical name at the time. And in general name conversations it's pretty funny to tell people I'm named after my dad's ex gf

Hakluyt · 25/07/2014 05:48

All three of my sil's top girl's names were my brother's ex long term girlfriends.......

Fortunately she was amused. Particularly as one of them he had forgotten (I think genuinely) to tell her about.

MultipleMama · 25/07/2014 09:18

When I see threads like this I am so glad it has only ever been DH!Grin Thankfully the only guy DH dated was called Wilbert and the two girls he dated were called; Gertie & Agatha!

I do like Hugo! If you really love it and DH doesn't mind then I don't see why not; it's not like it was long-term relationship.

OhMyArsingGodInABox · 25/07/2014 09:21

Wilbert is a FABULOUS name.

I have a William and wish I'd been a bit braver and gone for Wilbert. Love it.

myotherusernameisbetter · 25/07/2014 09:42

One of my sons has the same name as my OHs long term (lived with for 7 years) girlfriend's brother. We both come from large families and the rest had all had children already so loads of names we liked were "taken" My other favourite was the same girlfriend's Dad's name :(

He felt he didn't mind using the brother's name as he was a pretty nice bloke but the dad was a bit of an arse so didn't want reminded of him. Clearly the name then becomes associated with your child.

One of the girls names I liked was very similar to the same girlfriend's name but we agreed to not put it on the list. There are loads of names out there and it had no significant meaning to me.

The few ex boyfriends I had didn't have names that I would have liked to use so that never came up.

sillymillyb · 25/07/2014 10:07

I am single so no DH to offend when naming, but this has just made me realise that DS has the same name as one of my boyfriends from school. I totally hadn't connected that until now!

My ex's sister has just named her baby with my name though, that felt a bit weird :S

snappycow · 25/07/2014 10:12

I went out with some lovely names too - Adam, Leo.... but couldn't use them as it would just be a constant reminder of them and all my friends would think it was a hidden message. Also - we will never have a girl named after his ex... as the mere mention of the name makes him growl. Even though I LOVE the name.
Oh well.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 25/07/2014 10:22

I really wanted to use a name that belonged to one of DH's ex-gfs, but he felt weird about it (he said mostly because he knew the constant ribbing he'd get from his friends rather than intrinsically for the name itself). She was nice, though (I've met her a few times) and they split amicably.

If both of you are happy with it then I don't think there's any problem; if one of you doesn't like the idea then best to leave that name and move on.

CruCru · 25/07/2014 12:03

I found out a few weeks after my DS was born that we had used exactly the same name that my ex had used for his son 6 months earlier (we aren't in contact - his mum and I still send each other Christmas cards).

That was quite irritating actually.

Amyrose82 · 25/07/2014 12:04

Suppose it depends on how your DH feels and how much you both love the name! Saying that, one of my exes gave his daughter my name (I was his last gf before his wife!) which I've always thought a bit strange tho!

Original poster
Keepsake · 25/07/2014 13:14

Snappy and Tortoise just hit the nail on the head - its not just using the name, its whether the people around you would make the connection and think it was weird.

In that case I'd get away with Hugh. Nobody ever met him, I never spoke about him to my friends/family. Tbh, if I brought him up they wouldn't know who I was talking about.

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ACM88 · 25/07/2014 13:42

An old uni mate of mine had an unusual name, I asked where it came from, thinking she would say it was Arabic, and she told me it was after her dad's favourite porn star!!! I thought she was joking, but turns out her dad suggested the name, and didn't divulge where he heard it until many years later. Now that's weird! I would be fuming.

I wouldn't chose exes names, it would make me feel uncomfortable. Short meaningless flings, not so much!!

Castlemilk · 25/07/2014 13:49

I think the Hugh one is completely fine! - not at all a signficant name from your past.

Calling after long term exes might be weird. It wouldn't really bother me though I think. I'd be more concerned to have a name I loved.

Original poster
Keepsake · 25/07/2014 14:12

I wouldn't chose exes names, it would make me feel uncomfortable. Short meaningless flings, not so much!!

Yep, you're right. This is good news. It only crosses out two names. and gives me access to hundreds more. Not hundreds, I promise. Wink

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