DH really wants to use his late mum's name...

[rosielea]

Hello, I'm pregnant with DC3 at the moment, don't know if it's a boy or girl, we have 2 DDs already. My Dh's mum passed away 6 years ago, she was a lovely woman who he was very close with, I only knew her for a short time but I liked her very much.
He didn't suggest her name for our 2 DDs I think because he was still very sad about her death but this time he would really like to use her name. Her name was Maisie, well Mary but known only as Maisie. I think it's fine as a name, not ever what I would choose myself but I don't hate it.
I feel a bit sad that if I agree then all the fun of name choosing is over! And that I wouldn't get to use any of my preferred names but I can't decide if I'm just being petty and should agree as it means alot to him? What would you do?x

if it would make him really happy though and you could choose the middle names?

Would he consider it being used as a middle name?

I think it's a lovely name. If you're happy with it, then I think it would be a nice thing to agree to using it. You can still pick your own middle name?

Or would your husband be happy to use Maisie as a middle name and you can pick a first name together?

I would use it, actually I would probably use mary because I think its nicer. You still get to choose the middle name.

Either use it as a forename or don't. The whole middle name thing is rather churlish. It's a love.y name, though.

I'd agree that it could be the name or middle name, and keep discussing options for the other names that go with it.

Its a pretty name, and it means a lot to your DH. I think you should go with it.

You can choose something really lovely as a middle name, so there will still be lots of fun choosing that.

GPs names are often used as middle names, I think I'd go for the middle name option.
Certainly if he wants to use the name then it should be in there somewhere.

I can't see how it's rude to use it as a middle name.

Maisie is a great name anyway

Because he wants it as a first name, not the after though that's a middle name.

Middle names are not after thoughts. What a strange thing to say.

I know many Mumsnetters don't like double names, but traditionally Mary has been joined to other names: Mary Jane, Mary Ann, Mary Louise, Mary Clare, Mary Ellen etc etc etc. Would that give you a bit more creative freedom?

Having said that, Mary by itself is a very nice name: feminine, classic, timeless.

Middle names aren't after thoughts at all.
Ours were chosen carefully.

Mary is lovely and very underused :) But maybe use as a middle name?

For me it's a no-brainer. If it meant a huge amount to my partner I would use it as my daughters name and pick the middle name myself.

When he says he really wants to use her name does that mean as first name or middle name? Altough to be honest most of my family and all the boys in DP's family use their middle names as their first name, so it doesn't particularly matter.
You can still have fun picking out 1 name for girls (whichever way it gets used) and as far as i can tell you can still have your fun on boys names as well, after all there is a fifty% chance that the argument maybe moot if it's a boy.

My children have GPs name as middle names, as is traditional in our family.

They certainly weren't afterthought, I was certain about them before I even got pregnant.

Middle names aren't an afterthought, but using a name as a middle name is not te same as using it as a first name. Which did you dh mean - using it as an honour/remembrance so could be a middle name, or using it daily as a first name?

When I was pregnant with dd2 we asked a close family friend if she minded us using her (deceased) mum's name (friend's mum had been a very important figure in dh's life). She said no, as she would like to use it for her (potential) future dd. she was torn, though, as there was no guarantee she would even have a dd, and she definitely wated the name to 'live on'

So we didn't, and then she used it as a middle name - dh was very upset as in his view we could have used it ( would have used it as a first name). There is a lot of emotion around names, and so it is best to ascertain what it is your dh actually wants - only he can answer that, not us lot here.

I really like Maisie. Not keen on Mary.

I would keep your options open if I were you. Either use it as a first name if you don't find anything you far rather prefer. If you and your DH can agree on a preferred first name, then maybe use either Mary or Maisie as a middle name?

I just cant imagine using two non-family names for the first two daughters and then using a deceased relatives name in memory for the third daughter.

Why is a middle name an afterthought? Not the case with our carefully thought out middle names for our DSes.

Maisie or Mary are both lovely, if it's important to your DH I'd go with it.

DMIL died suddenly when I was expecting DD2. Her middle name is DMIL's first name and I would have liked it to have been her first, but DH actually choose something else.

His turn, DD1's name was chosen when
I was 15