DH really wants to use his late mum's name...

[rosielea]

Hello, I'm pregnant with DC3 at the moment, don't know if it's a boy or girl, we have 2 DDs already. My Dh's mum passed away 6 years ago, she was a lovely woman who he was very close with, I only knew her for a short time but I liked her very much.
He didn't suggest her name for our 2 DDs I think because he was still very sad about her death but this time he would really like to use her name. Her name was Maisie, well Mary but known only as Maisie. I think it's fine as a name, not ever what I would choose myself but I don't hate it.
I feel a bit sad that if I agree then all the fun of name choosing is over! And that I wouldn't get to use any of my preferred names but I can't decide if I'm just being petty and should agree as it means alot to him? What would you do?x

And so I assume their other children's names were a joint decision, not that the OP had forced her preferred names.

'Id say ignoring your oh for frivolous selfishness is up there.'

For God's sake she's not ignoring him is she? She's trying to make a decision, she hasn't decided outright that she won't agree to naming the child after her grandmother.

I don't think middle name is a cop out at all

My daughter is her own person

(Although I did think for a long time that she was a reincarnation of my mum)

Yeah asking randoms online. Important opinions compared to those of the other parent of the child,dont you think?

Oh diddums, why else do people start any thread on MN if not seek other people's opinions?

No mumsnetter's child could possibly be named after a MIL- because MIL's are not actually members of the family. (Cf the use of the term somewhere on the thread "a dead relative" - as if a MIL is equivalent to a 4th cousin 6 times removed.)

For what it's worth, my ds is named after my FIL. He has a very nice name- possibly not my first choice, but I liked it very much. Using the name gave so much pleasure to so many people, starting with Dp. And ds loves the history of his name, and has never shown the slightest sign of not being his own person, or being overshadowed by having a name that goes back in dp's family since around 1500.

This thread has got a life of it's own!
My DH and I jointly named our other 2 DDs, I guess I did think of their names but only because I spent more time coming up with names and running them past him and he would be 'no, no, no, yes!. Naming is definitely a joint decision!
I really don't mind the name Maisie at all in isolation, I think a big part of my hesitation is the fact that it is a name with such strong associations for half of our extended family. On the other hand I like it for just that reason, I think that was my reasoning with asking on mn, just to see what others would think in the same situation and it seems pretty split.
I only gave examples of the names I was considering to show the difference in name styles, obviously name choices are so subjective it's hard to know how relevant other peoples opinions on them are!

So they will create their own associations!
I love Maisie.
I love Maisie Alice.
I'm a firm believer in using family names. It is a link between the generations.

Middle names are NOT a cop out. I know somebody who lost her sister a few months before giving birth. The baby has her sister's name as a middle name and her 'own' name first. That isn't a cop out at all, it's a lovely tribute.

Tbh Op I would see if you and dh can find anything you like more than Maisie and if not then go with Mary known as Maisie. It's v pretty.

No, itsnot selfish to want ti choose your own childs name. Which is why the dads opinion is important, its his kid too!

Alice Mary and Frances Mary are both lovely.

Incidentally my dad is named after his dead uncle (same first and middle names ) and says he was quite freaked out by the whole idea as a child. I like family names as middle names but not keen for first names really.

I don't get the middle me as copout comment either
Ds has my brothers first nameas his middle name. He died on the day I foun d out I was pregnant
Dd doesn't have a middle name as ds'has such significance for me that I found I just couldn't choose one for her that had yhecsame dignificance

Gemerama, I like Alice Mary too. I also have an American relative called Mary-Alice, but I think it works best in America!

Rosielea- it isn't a cop out to use a relatives name as a MN, my father died last yr, I'm choosing names for my DC1,as much as I love my dad,I'm Not a fan of his name, so I am. Using it as a MN. You and your OH can name your baby how you want!

I love Alice Mary, equally love Maisie Alice xx

Across the ages most/all? families have had people in different generations with the same names and they managed fine differentiating between them.

Also using it as a middle name is a perfectly sensible, acceptable and common way of honouring family members from other generations. Your dh may be happy with that or may prefer it as a first name.

Of course when she is born you both might look at her and say, oh, she's not a Maisie or a Mary!

Did you say it might be a boy?

In Ireland Mary is/was not uncommon as a middle name for boys, IIRC. Not so much in other places.

Will it matter in a couple of years that you didn't do the name choosing? If he has strong feelings on the matter I think that trumps flicking through name books and trying on names.

It's a cop out because who ever uses their middle name except on exam papers and passports. Tribute, my arse! It's, 'I don't have the balls to name the child after X, so I'll tack it in there where no one will really see it, anyhow.'

Yes, that is my opinion. Flame away.

You don't want to use Mary or Maisie as a forename, so just tell him that.

If he were suggesting it as the poxy middle name he'd have said so.

Prepares for all the indignant posts over a hypothetical situation since the child may well be a boy.

I really like Frances Mary, (not so keen on Maisie) my Uncle was named George after his father but was always called Albert, his middle name so sometimes middle names get used as first names
Each to their own, I like middle names and think most people put a lot of thought into all their DCs names.

My Granny was Frances Marina btw so I'm a little biased.

Frances is a lovely name for a pocket pet. Like a silky hamster.