Surname dilemma

[Level75]

I've got a different surname from my DH. I don't see why our son should have his surname. My surname is very rare and I'd like to pass it on but I can appreciate that this isn't fair either. Double barrelled would be too long.
Has anyone else been in this situation and if so how did you work it out?

[Guin1]

Like most of the pp on this thread, I don't think 4 syllables is too long for a double barrelled surname. A lot of single barrelled surnames are four syllables. However, if you really don't want double barrelled, you could try a compromise that if DS gets your DH's surname, then you get first choice of first name or middle name (or both). That is what we did - I really wanted to give DS my grandmother's maiden name as a mn, that was actually more important to me than passing on my surname. So that was what we did and we were both happy.

[CaptWingoBings]

I would double barrell.

I have my mum's surname & my dad's surname is a middle name. They worked it out by tossing a coin when I was born. My younger sibs were then given the same name.

I actually really regret not insisting on my DC having my name as it goes back 3 generations as a female surname. But at the time I felt less strongly about it, so the DC have my husband's name. I don't find it difficult at doctors, schools etc. It's increasingly common these days - all of my NCT group had different surnames although all but one couple gave the dad's surname to the DC.

[ohthegoats]

Yeah, I agree with having mother's name as a middle name is a cop out. It'll never get used. I NEVER use my middle name, it's not in my signature, and I forget to add it to anything that asks my name.

My partner is already double barrelled (4 syllables), I'm single syllabled. We're going with a combination of one part of his, and mine. He has chosen the 'his dad's' part of his though, which is interesting, because in my opinion it's much less interesting. He uses his mum's as his surname if he's shortening it though. Weird. Anyway, when we're trying out names with the surnames, he tries mine and the part of his he's chosen - he reckons that because he swaps and changes his, the kid will too, so best to check both sound OK.

I just think that if we're travelling overseas on our own with the child, then it will be easier if we share a surname - I have friends who have had significant problems, particularly flying into the States.

[minipie]

I completely agree with you OP that there is no reason it should be the man's surname rather than the woman's

The problem however with double barrelling (or with using one surname as middle name) is that it causes an issue for your child when they grow up and have children

I have both my mum's and my dad's surname. What do I do about my DC? Triple barrel with DH's name? What if DH had a double barrelled name too? Quadruple barrel ?

At some point someone has to make a decision. I think you may as well make it now. Choose whichever is the nicer name. if you can't agree which that is, ask MN

[indie123]

I know a couple both with double barrell names. E.g John Smith - Harris and Sarah Fisher - Jones. They have a daughter...they gave her a double surname and gave her one of each of their surnames so for example she's Suzy Smith-Fisher. If I'm honest I do regret giving my daughter a double barrell surname...its bugged me over time. Dd's father said we could change it to just mine via deed poll as he now didn't mind and there was a time i made a fuss about it but when it came down to it I felt a bit bad getting him to do it especially as when she was born he backed down giving her a middle name that I hated but he really wanted . If it was short i wouldnt mind but its quite long especially as his surname is already 9 letters alone. I guess i didnt realise how much it would bother me especially as I grew up with a single easy 7 letter surname. I'm going to ask that when she starts school they only use my surname and if it continues to bug me I will probably get it officially changed

[geekaMaxima]

The "but their children will have a quadruple-barrelled surname" argument is a red herring. No one - outside the extremely quirky end of the aristocracy - does this!

Most common solution is to take one surname from each parent, so A. Bennet D'Arcey and B. Lucas Collins could call their dc C. Lucas D'Arcey. Some people choose the rarer or more aesthetically pleasing of their surnames to pass down. Others pass the surnames down both male and female lines (i.e., mother passes down her mother's surname, father passes down his father's surname).

This is just a long way of saying that using two surnames doesn't create problems next gen. Double up! Plenty of single surnames are 4 syllables anyway.

[MrsLilac]

I'm a teacher and most of the children in my class have long winded double barrelled surnames. I have never thought much of it. I think it is nice to have both parents names and not just use the dads.

[KatieKaye]

My surname has 4 syllables and I don't that's particularly unusual. I've also got my Mum's maiden name as one of my middle names.

I'd go for the double-barrelled option. If you can't agree on which name should go first, do it alphabetically!

[tallulah]

We went for the myname-hisname option, because it doesn't sound right the other way around (makes a sentence). 4 syllables altogether.

The 4 big DCs are adults, and all make their own decisions about what they want to call themselves. DC1 tends to just use my name, DC2 uses DH's, DC3 uses both and DC4 uses mine but spells it wrong on purpose .

DC3 is getting married this year and there has been much discussion about what their name(s) will be. It isn't my concern so whatever they pick I will go with it. DC1 was also muttering about getting married and the DP said they were quite looking forward to being myname-theirname .

[indie123]

Oh and I know someone who recently gave their daughter a 5 syllable double barrell surname...15 letters in total

[weatherall]

Give him your name!

Why can't dh change his surname to yours?

It is ridiculous that the default is the mans surname- hail the patriarchy!

[ThingsThatShine]

I am thinking of double barreling my and DP's name though worried it might be a bit of a mouthful. The name is not that long, only 5 syllables together, but DP's name is 4 of those and foreign and so a bit difficult for people even on its own. However I don't see why my name should be completely left out of it and I am a bit reluctant to change it. I think I would keep mine, DP keeps his, DC gets the double barrel.

[indie123]

I think if both names are hard to spell or isnt common and it's a long name then it would get annoying over time having to spell it out to people. My surname is common..its also a common unisex first name so I never have to spell it out its just dh's name that I have to spell as it's uncommon. If i had to spell out the whole thing though I'd get irritated and would feel bad for my daughter for the future. My surname is Francis so when her whole name is said I guess it may sound like Francis is a middle name. If i was to give my child a 5 syllable surname I would go for a 1 or 2 syllable first name.