Surname dilemma

[Level75]

I've got a different surname from my DH. I don't see why our son should have his surname. My surname is very rare and I'd like to pass it on but I can appreciate that this isn't fair either. Double barrelled would be too long.
Has anyone else been in this situation and if so how did you work it out?

[EmilyAlice]

How about the Spanish way? First name, Father's surname, Mother's surname. My half-Spanish grandchildren have this, but only one first name (son and DiL thought that was enough to cope with). The theory is the mother's name gets dropped by the next generation, but that would be a long way away.

[ZforZachariah]

We the multi syllable hyphen option. H

[ZforZachariah]

Onestly it's a pita. And as the mother, if you don't work full time, you are the one who had to repeat it constantly at the Dr, school, clubs, to new little friends' parents etc etc.

I don't think I've ever heard DH on the phone struggling to spell the bloody thing out. He volunteered to change his too but obviously that hasn't materialised now he's got what he wanted.

I've thought a lot about this and the surname that should be chosen is the nicest one. It's the only thing that makes sense. It would dilute the amounts of boring Smiths and Patels and rid the world of Cocks and a few other corkers.

[Martorana]

"I've thought a lot about this and the surname that should be chosen is the nicest one. It's the only thing that makes sense"

Trust me- that will always be the men's name.............

[icklekid]

My friends who are getting married soon found every where presumed baby would have mothers surname and had to fight to make it husbands...perhaps you won't have an issue?

[elQuintoConyo]

Our DS has a 2-syllable first name then 2+3 syllable double-barrelled surname, no hyphen.

We are abroad. DS's first name is international (for this reason!), DH's surname German, mine's Irish. We're in neither of those countries. Poor wee bugger will be spelling them all his life, at least his firstname is easy!

Just double barrell it, there are a lot around, no one will bat an eyelash.

[DebbieOfMaddox]

Double barrel. Four syllables isn't too long and your DS can always choose to drop one half later on if he wants.

I'm one of those "decided husband's name was better on aesthetic grounds" people (but really: we couldn't have used DD1's name or DD2's name with my surname. And I leveraged not giving DCs my surname, which I wasn't bothered about, to give me free reign on choosing middle names, which I was more interested in, so I saw it as a win for me) but I think double barrelling is the way to go unless the names really really don't work together (and I don't think length rules that out: I know a couple of families where the children have six-syllable double-barrelled names and they work just fine).

[DebbieOfMaddox]

The hospital will give your DS your surname on hospital records etc., though, and he'll get referred on to health visitors etc. using that name.

[eurochick]

Just double barrel. Our names will give a four syllable combination. I don't see it as a particular problem. There are far worse names out there!

[GooseyLoosey]

We had exactly this issue with my dcs. The added complexity being that as dh is adopted, there is no "heritage" being passed to the dcs with his name whereas everyone in the world with my name is related to me.

In the end, we gave the dcs dh's name. To be honest it sounds nicer than mine and I did have some teasing at school. In addition, I was fairly certain that no one would ever assume that the kids were not mine if we had a different last name but they would assume that ds was not their father and I didn't want that.

[ThePartyArtist]

OP I am in the same dilemma as marrying this year and don't want to lose my unusual, 2 syllable name however have been thinking about what this means for future children.

My surname is Scottish therefore people mispronounce or mis-spell it regularly and ever since I was a child I knew you had to spell it out when telling anyone!

H2B is a very middle of the road name, 2 syllables, no way you could mis-spell or mis-pronounce and everyone's familiar with it.

However when I put them together I worry we sound like a solicitor's firm!

[squoosh]

Something like McTavish Taylor? Sounds great!

[Theas18]

Just use your surname assuming you dh agrees.

My dd1s best mates parents are married. She and her bro have mums surname and mum has retained hers. It's a rare name and would have died out otherwise ( and dad's surname is very common).

[Martorana]

Not to labour the point - but oh look! Two more "women's" last names!

[ConfusedPixie]

Hyphenated names are fine. I have a unique surname and I want to keep it and for my children to have it. I'm hyphenating mine next year and our (future) children will have the hyphenated name, DP is uncertain yet as to whether he'll add my surname or not and that is for him to decide, our names hyphenated are 5 syllables, not too much of a mouthful really.

[rootypig]

We were in this situation. I gave in because I preferred his name, really (as in, it's a nicer name, but I wanted mine on principle).

You have to just be adamant and insist, there is no other solution. Harder for a woman because of the weight of tradition, and I think many men find the thought emasculating so get very cross about it (I think this is bollocks, but I state it as an observation).

[Tangoandcreditcards]

Probably not helpful: but we gave DS my mother's maiden name (otherwise extinct) as it's no more smashing the patriarchy to give him my father's name than my DPs.

Took the whole 9 months of nagging negotioting with DP though.

[rootypig]

Well your mother's maiden name was her father's, presumably, Tango? you have to start somewhere - logically the generation makes no difference to the principle. The OP's child would be getting her 'maiden' name. Though I think being one generation removed seems to make it easier for everyone to agree to.

Well done you though!

[Tangoandcreditcards]

Although it might be more helpful to tell you that the killer blow was that as I was doing the pregnancy and all the discomfort that entails so I got the majority vote !

[squoosh]

'Probably not helpful: but we gave DS my mother's maiden name (otherwise extinct) as it's no more smashing the patriarchy to give him my father's name than my DPs.'

I like the option you went for but why do you consider your DP's name to be his own but your name is your father's?

[Tangoandcreditcards]

rootypig quite, although we've since found out that the reason it was such a rare name is because it was likely invented by my feckless great GP in attempt to escape some debts. So well done me indeed. (But yes, was a way to honour my late DM rather than the previous generations, so is sort of brand new!)

[Tangoandcreditcards]

squoosh I don't. Sorry if it came across like that. It was just slightly glib shorthand, I'm passing on DM's name and (it just so happens) my brothers have passed on DF's (and also mine)

[nikki1391]

my daughter has a double surname as we couldn't agree

its 4 syllables and 16 letters in total...yes its long but oh well...to me it flows well so its not a prob

When they are 16 they are free to drop one by deed poll if they wish

double surnames are quite common and quite nice as long as they flow well together

eg

Helena Bonham Carter
Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall
Rosie Huntington Whitely
Jada Pinkett Smith
Sacha Baron Cohen
Anthony Worrell-Thompson


etc

[indie123]

Same happened with me. I wanted dd to have just my name. Her dad wasn't having it and created a huge fuss. In the end we agreed to double barrell it. For example it's Sophia myname-hisname. Because his name is second it tends to get dropped off alot by people and she gets called Sophia myname. You could also just use one surname for general use. It's only really official stuff such as bank and passport that need proper name. At school their proper name will be on the system but you can request that just one name is used generally when addressing them and on the register. Dd starts school in sept and I'm requesting that this is done to make things easier for her especially as even she calls herself Sophia myname. When they reach 16 they are free to do a deedpoll to do whatever they like to their name anyway