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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

keeping names secret?

23 replies

toni1bump · 22/07/2013 16:42

Hiii... Just wondered how many of you ladies who are/have been pregnant have kept your baby names secret from your family? Mine is on a post on here so its no secret to MN -- luckily nobody i know is on here.

Me and OH have decided on our first daughters name and dont want to tell my parents/friends untill shes been born/registered cause its very lengthy and they try to put me off every name i mention! Do not wanna be put off this one!

So yeah, how many of you have been secretive and do u think its wrong to do so? Cause my mum is havin fits about me not telling her lol

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AhoyAhoy · 22/07/2013 17:00

We are only telling people names when we are certain it's off our list. At the moment we only have 1 girls name, and we will keep it to ourselves until we either use it or discard it. Really struggling for boy names.

I just remember my mom turning her nose up when my sister chose a name she hadn't heard of for her DD1. I cant be bothered with any of that- just telling them I don't have any if anyone asks!

UpTheFRIGGinDuff · 22/07/2013 17:21

We never tell anyone.
It's none of their business.

If asked we normally say we haven't decided yet.

Wbdn28 · 22/07/2013 17:25

It's not being "secretive", it's maintaining your privacy and ensuring other people's opinions don't sway your choice. Of course it's not wrong - it's your choice, and your friends/family will have (had) the opportunity to choose when they are parents. Just change the subject next time anyone brings it up and tell them you'll look forward to letting them know the name once baby arrives.

runningonwillpower · 22/07/2013 17:26

I definitely kept it secret. And for the reason you mentioned.

If the baby isn't born, everyone feels entitled to have a view on names, even if it's one you would like. Afterwards, it's your choice.

Turniptwirl · 22/07/2013 17:57

They're far less likely to make mean comments when the name is attached to a little person than if its just a word. Plus if you end up changing your mind when DC is born you don't have to tell everyone and have them say "but I thought you picked x", no one else knows you changed

Ragwort · 22/07/2013 18:02

Why can't you just tell them you haven't decided yet ?

I am genuinely intrigued at the absolute inquisitiveness of so many mumsnetters' families regarding their pregnancy; part of me just wonders if some of you actually invite such intimacy? Perhaps because I was a much 'older' mum when I had my first (and only) child, but no one ever asked me any of the sort of questions you read about on mumsnet - ie: name/sex of baby/are you having a natural birth/are you planning to breast feed/is your DH going to be at the birth/are you going to be a SHAM etc etc.

toobreathless · 22/07/2013 18:28

Absolutely definately don't tell anyone. We told people the sex so wanted to leave something as a surprise after the announcement. It's not terribly interesting if the only thing people don't already know if the weight and time/date of birth.

People are also much less likely to be rude about name IMO if baby is all ready here.

I did happily discuss boys names I liked (knew I was having two girls) also names I love that didn't work with surname /already used by friends etc IYKWIM.

HorryIsUpduffed · 22/07/2013 18:33

We get this.

"Yes, we've decided, but we won't be telling anyone until he arrives. I'm superstitious like that." Big smile.

Layl77 · 22/07/2013 19:13

I never gave my babies names away just reeled off a list of names we liked. Added a few ones we didn't like for comedy value.
My family turned their nose up at a name we liked for lo and it put me off. I would have liked to use it so wish I didn't bother!

MNHQ

OliviaLMumsnet · 22/07/2013 19:20

I think it's better to present as a fait accompli
Prevents the {oh I knew a baby called x who wasn't nice}

BoysRule · 22/07/2013 19:24

Definitely don't tell anyone. We didn't for either of ours even though my MIL dug and dug to find out. She wanted to know our shortlist for either sex and I just told her we preferred to decide together at the end.

I agree with what others have said - there will always be an opinion but once your child is named no-one will say they don't like it as there is a beautiful little newborn attached to it.

I have known people who found out the sex and chose a name then decorated the nursery with bunting of the name etc. Each to their own but for me where is the mystery and surprise? The baby is born and it's just like 'hello x!". It's nice to keep something between you and DH too.

Original poster

toni1bump · 22/07/2013 20:30

ragwort i think with me its cause im only 20 and my mums 38 so shes.young(ish) aswell an its all exciting for her too. Her baby having a baby i suppose. I like people taking interest but just dont wanna feel like i.have to tell anyone the name weve chosen. My mum didnt speak to me for a whole day thinking id tell her but i never. Shes just really arsey now.

Glad everyone else is the same.. I dont like when people call their bumps by the babies name-to-be ... Lots of girls on my facebook do this! I think another reason im.keeping it private is so that nobody steals it too!! Lol

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Original poster

toni1bump · 22/07/2013 20:30

But each to their own* i meant to add lol

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Ragwort · 22/07/2013 20:34

Ha ha toni - I was six years older than your mum when I had my baby . She doesn't sound very supportive if she isn't speaking to you over this.

JollyHolidayGiant · 22/07/2013 20:36

I asked my parents if there were any names I shouldn't use. DH asked his too. So names that would bring back painful memories were ruled out of our lists. (For example, my mum had a brother who died so that name was ruled out.)

After that it was up to us. We shared DS's name when we announced the birth. We will be keeping DC2's name to ourselves for a few hours because I want DS to be the first to know.

I can't believe someone upthread hasn't been asked the baby's sex. Every single person I've met recently has asked this. It's seriously beginning to get on my nerves.

Original poster

toni1bump · 22/07/2013 21:19

EVERYONE asks me the sex -- then followed by the name! I tell strangers i havent decided yet.

And shes speaking to me now its just a bit of a touchy subject :p.. Will end.up losing it soon an tellin her to man up! X

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prolificnamechanger · 22/07/2013 21:28

We kept it secret until after the birth and STILL got rude remarks. But that's mother in laws for you!

ShoeWhore · 22/07/2013 21:32

Definitely don't tell until after the birth. Just say you haven't decided - I always wanted to wait and see if they suited the name we had in mind anyway! (with ds1 dh and I both had our own favourite and when he was born my favourite felt SO wrong! So he had dh's fave and it suits him down to the ground.)

Manoodledo · 22/07/2013 21:58

We're being super secretive. We found out last week that it's a girl, but we haven't told anyone. Is that weird? Certainly haven't told anyone what names we're thinking of.

Original poster

toni1bump · 22/07/2013 22:44

No not weird at all if its what u wanna do. Its your pregnancy and your baby :D

OP posts:

5madthings · 22/07/2013 22:45

We didn't tell people, well we ,mentioned ideas but once an,e was chosen we presented it as done deal,'they didnt like it...tough!

ShadowMeltingInTheSun · 25/07/2013 07:37

We didn't tell anyone DS's name until he was born, and won't be sharing DC2's name until s/he's born, either.

Prevents relatives coming out with any nonsensical reasons why names shouldn't be used.

scrivette · 25/07/2013 07:58

We didn't know if it was a boy or a gel and we didn't decide on a name until he was born. We didn't tell anyone what names we were thinking of, just said that we were still trying to decide.

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