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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Giving DS the same name as ex?

31 replies

ByTheWishingWell · 20/07/2013 11:19

My DP and I are expecting a baby next month. We have kept the sex a surprise, and agreed upon a girls name months ago. We've really struggled to come up with a boys name that we both like- we have completely different tastes.

The only name we can come up with that we both really like happens to be the name of my first boyfriend, who I was with for a couple of years when we were teenagers. It was a very big deal to me at the time (first love, we lost our virginity to each other, etc), but was obviously a very long time ago, and we are not in contact anymore. My DP knows about the history, and is still quite keen to use the name if we have a boy.

I know that if we used the name, it would just become my DS's name, and I wouldn't make the connection to my ex. I'm a bit concerned though that people who knew me back then would find it very strange, as though I've pined after my ex all these years and am naming my pfb after him! I know this shouldn't be based on worrying about other people's opinions, particularly as I don't even live in the same area anymore and am not in touch with that any people from back then, but still very confused!

I do really like the name, but would love some opinions on whether it would be odd to use it?

OP posts:

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Onyabike · 20/07/2013 11:33

I would use it if you like it, particularly if your DH has no issues with it. I was faced with exactly the same dilemma as this and decided to use it if we had a DS. However, it never came about as we had DDs!

KittenofDoom · 20/07/2013 13:18

I think you've answered your own question really.

When I got to this bit "I don't even live in the same area anymore and am not in touch with that many people from back then" I ceased to think that there was any issue at all.

fluffyraggies · 20/07/2013 13:59

I wouldn't worry about it OP. It's much more a big deal in your mind than it would be in anyone else's. Certainly if DH doesn't mind then that's the green light.

(would love to know the name :) )

humblebumble · 20/07/2013 14:05

My SIL used her first boyfriend's name for her son. I think only my MIL found it a bit weird at the time but obviously didn't say anything. The child just becomes the name s/he is given and most people don't think any more of it.

ratbagcatbag · 20/07/2013 14:07

The only name we liked and agreed on for a boy was the same as he'd called his Great Dane, which died just before I got with him 11 years ago. Everyone could remember that. We had a girl but I'd have gone with the boys name.

MissTweed · 20/07/2013 14:08

I'm in exactly the same position!! It could have been me that wrote that, every bit of it!!

We only have one boys name picked out. It's Thomas so in the top 10. I think it might be weird though if it was a really unusual name?

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/07/2013 14:13

I wouldn't but that might also be because I don't like any of my ex's names

I think teenage boyfriend/short term one is fine. An ex you had a long relationship with not so much.

LittlePandaBear · 20/07/2013 14:18

I'm gonna go against the grain and say don't use it. If you're thinking about it now in association with your ex, it will always be in the back of your mind somewhere. It can be difficult agreeing on names but there must be something else out there that you can both agree on.

I know your DP is happy with it but if he wanted to name your child the same name as his ex, would it feel strange to you?

Anyway completely your choice and I wouldn't worry about others opinions, including mine [smile[

LittlePandaBear · 20/07/2013 14:18

CruCru · 20/07/2013 14:20

What is the name? If it is "standard" then okay - if it is something very unusual (Ptolomy etc) then no way.

TallulahBetty · 20/07/2013 14:24

I agree with Panda. Personally I wouldn't do it.

One of my friends had a boyfriend (let's call him Joseph). Less than two years later, she called her son Joe. We all thought it was . Obviously the timescales are waaaaayyy different in your situation but I still wouldn't.

badguider · 20/07/2013 14:24

I think it's a bit odd to even think about somebody you went out with for a couple of years as a teenager as 'your ex'.
To me when an adult mentions an 'ex' I think of ex-husband, or maybe ex-dp with children together, or at the very least somebody you lived with for a while.

I would call a teenage boyfriend just that a teenage boyfriend...

TallulahBetty · 20/07/2013 14:25

Meant to specify that the boyfriend was known as Joe.

Original poster

ByTheWishingWell · 20/07/2013 14:37

Thank you for all the replies so far! I hadn't given the name to avoid outing myself, but can see that it probably is relevant. The name is Dominic, so not very very unusual but certainly not top ten.

Panda, I probably wouldn't like to use the same name as DP's ex- aside from not really liking it, I'm maybe a bit more sensitive/irrational than him!

Glad to hear that I'm not alone though, and that it's not ridiculous to even consider it. Also at using the dog's name!

OP posts:

ajandjjmum · 20/07/2013 14:49

Maybe use a different (inevitable) shortform for your DS to that your bf was called? I don't think it's odd though - and it is a nice name!

thegreylady · 20/07/2013 15:02

My dh chose a name for our dd which was his ex girl-friend's name! I didn't realise till much later but loved the name anyway.

squoosh · 20/07/2013 15:07

I personally wouldn't do it.

But if you're both in agreement then just go for it.

Wishfulmakeupping · 20/07/2013 15:12

I wouldn't but if you both love it then go for it.
If you're still worried why not see if you can find names similar to Dominic there's a name generator thing I'll see if I can find it

Wishfulmakeupping · 20/07/2013 15:16

babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com/similarity_of_Dominic.html
Some suggestions above and I'll suggest Sebastian so you can shortern to Seb similar feel to Dom/Dominic

TruJay · 20/07/2013 18:37

I absolutely love my hubby's ex girlfriend's name and would love to use it if current bump is a girl but it would be just too weird, its an unusual name so would be obvious where I would have got it from. Also her older sister, who me and hubby really get on with works at ds playgroup so I would be quite embarrassed taking new baby in to meet her and telling her the name. Hubby agrees people would think its strange, its me that really loves the name but I do have some other choices I really like so will go with one of them.

It's completely up to u, if u have no connections anymore then go for it, I don't think in any way it means u are pining over ur ex

SirChenjin · 20/07/2013 18:39

There is absolutely no way I would have entertained it - DH wanted to give DD the same name as his ex fiancee (who was off the scene years before we met), but I just couldn't. Different if neither of you minds though (I think!)

Original poster

ByTheWishingWell · 20/07/2013 19:17

Thank you everyone- I'd prepared myself to be flamed and told it would be completely inappropriate (which I would then have blamed on pregnancy brain ).

Wishful- Thank you. I had already suggested a couple of the names on that list, but DP wasn't keen. I think we might both be ridiculously picky!

SirChenjin- I definitely couldn't use an ex-fiancee's name either. A teenage boyfriend's name is probably my limit!

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 20/07/2013 19:36

See, I was about to say No, not sure I would and then you told us the name . Dominic is my favourite boys name ever - hands down. So I'm on the fence but would make an exception for Dominic.

CruCru · 20/07/2013 19:51

Dominic is a nice name but unusual enough to make me think you were using your ex's name.

SirChenjin · 20/07/2013 20:33

I know! Granted, it is a lovely name, but DH really didn't get why I just about exploded at his suggestion. He didn't suggest it ever again

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