Friends (unknowingly) used our name :(

[jennimoo]

Before we were even married let alone planning kids, DH and I saw 2 names in my family tree we agreed, one boys one girls. DD was given the girls name and we're now expecting DC2 and were expecting to just pick out a new girls name and be sorted, until friends had a child a few weeks ago and used out name :(

We only see then every few months, but they are close friends, and now I'm not sure whether I'd want the name or if they would be offended we'd used theirs.

Any experiences of this, what did you do?

Could you ask them how they would feel about it and decide from there?

I thought a chat would be a good plan, once their past the first few weeks. We only told them yesterday we were expecting.

I genuinely don't understand why it bothers people to use the same name as others.

Just use the name you love

Friends of ours used "our" boy's name. I was upset, but tried not to worry as I wasn't yet pregnant with DC2 and it might never have happened. In the end, he has arrived and been given the same name, and also shares that name with his cousin (who has it as his middle name). They just say we have good taste in names! It's a very standard traditional name, with nickname variations. I think it would be harder if it were a rare unusual name. We see them only every few months. We talk about our DSname vs their DSname. From our point of view it's fine. If they were upset they've never shown it.

If you don't see them very often, and it's a family name, there's no problem. Just tell your friends "Oh, what a coincidence, we've always loved that name since we saw it on our family tree and are going to give it to our baby."

Is is a top 10 name or a top 100 name or completely unusual?

I would still use it. When I was expecting DC1 my friend was due 3 weeks after me, we quickly established that we had both chosen the same girls name but agreed that we would both use it. We both had boys anyway but I have since had DD and gave her that name.

When our ds was born, we called our friends (before the whole Facebook era!) and when we told them his name everyone said "lovely" apart from one friend who was due 6 weeks later - they'd chosen the same one. They lived a long way from us (though we've been good friends since uni) and I didn't care at all, so they went ahead and used it.

She's now divorced and moved house to be near family, which means she's about half an hour from us. It's been great, not only do the 2 boys get on really well, they also look very alike and have been mistaken for brothers! But they do like sitting saying "hello Aidan how are you" "I'm fine Aidan are you ok?" etc as neither of them knows another Aidan!

I wouldn't choose the same name. There are thousands of names to choose from! Lets remember why we name people - to identify them. Is there really no other name you love?

Would it bother you if both children had the same name?

Figure that out before you worry about them being offended.

DD's best friend has the same name as her, confusingly their sisters also have the same names...chatting to the other girls Mum about the kids can take longer than usual as we always have to prefix with whose child we're talking about.
I'd use the name you love anyway - just shows you and your friends share the same (great) taste

If it's something like Frederick, Patrick, Thomas, Peter, George or Edward, then EVERYBODY has one in their family tree, so you can use a popular name.

If it's more unusual then it's a bit more awkward. JMO. What is the name so we can decide if it would be strange or not.

Use it. I wanted to give my dd a certain name, not quite the same name as the name a friend of mine gave her baby, but nearly the same (slightly longer version). In the end, although I rarely see said friend, and our dds are about 9-10 years apart in age, I couldn't do it. Dd now has the name as her middle name. I so wish I had called her the name and so does she. Every so often we talk about changing to using her middle name, but she is 12 now and it isn't so easy to change a habit.

Just call your child the name you want, and don't consider anyone else's choices.

It's not that unusual, but not top 10 I don't think: Benjamin.

Could you not explain as you did here, that you'd found two potential baby names from your family tree long ago and had them in mind? Even if they were sceptical about that, a small part of them could be flattered that you liked the name.

I know of people who are related using same names thus cousins only a few months apart are called identical first and sur-names!

I honestly don`t see that it matters if you use the same name as your friend. No-one has exclusive rights to a name.

You are friends, not relatives. If you were related and shared the same surname it would be more problematic.

It`s a great name - go for it!

There is no need for you to ask them about their feelings in the matter as it's up to you how you name your child not them! Perhaps out of courtesy explain that you had that name in mind for a long time.

Go for it - Benjamin is lovely.

As long as YOU don't mind that you know another Benjamin... but if you named him something else you might meet another child with the new name a month later anyway!

When two friends have the same name there are loads of ways around it.

I hope they don't mind. You aren't copying them, so it's fair enough. Nice name too.

You might be having a girl. Why not wait and see and deal with it if you have a boy.

Benjamina?

My first pet was a girl hamster called Benjamin actually!

My ds is 5. My close friend recently had her 2nd ds. She rang to ask me if I minded her using the same name as my ds. I was touched she asked, but she really didn't need to - I didn't mind one bit!

My ds is excited that they'll be a cute little baby with his name that he'll see

I love it when people I know stole the name I used for dd1, it's shows very good taste
On the other hand, I didn't use the name I loved for dd2 because someone in my family beat us too it- I still regret not using it as we don't see them from one year to the next.