Using DH's name as middle name

[Xanado]

Hi,

Expecting a DS in 8 weeks. DH and I have decided on first name we both love. His family tradition is to use the father's name as middle name for boys. I just don't think DH's name works as a middle name and would like DS to have more of his own identity- feels too much like he just has his own name tagged on to DH's name.

Happy to go with a name from his family, eg his Grandad's name as middle name. Am I making too much or this? Do I push back or just accept the tradition?

It's only a helpful tradition if you're both in agreement that you like it. If you're not keen then I think you should go back to the drawing board.

A few thoughts:

1. What about 2 middle names? My DH has 2, one of his middle names is a family name which all boys have in his family not that any DS of ours will be having it and the other is one his parents chose.

2. If you were to have another DS, would he have your DH's name as a middle name too? So they'd have the same middle name? If not, it might make DS2 feel a bit left out perhaps.

3. Do you (and hence DS) have your DH's surname? If so then there is already one name coming from his side of the family/carrying on a tradition, ie the surname, so no need for another one.

It's bit unfair on you if DS's name is "one name chosen by you both + one DH family name (ie DH name) + another DH family name (ie surname)."

Perhaps it should be "one chosen by you both + one name from YOUR family + one DH family name (ie surname)".

My DH family also has similar tradition with a truly awful name. It is my DH name, his DF his DG etc. My DH chooses to go by his middle name of Malcolm so that tells you how bad this family name is! When my first DS ws born we excluded it completely and named him as we wished (DH was also adamant he would not be given this name.) Nothing has ever been said.

Thanks- good advice. Minipie- I love your number 3 - that is my perfect argument!
Yes, I have DH's surname, which I don't really like either so good thinking that we already have his family name therefore don't need another one!! I have got a DD already, so not planning any more after DS.(I am too old!) She has my middle name as her middle name but I wasn't set on that as a family tradition, I just happen to like it but I guess it makes me a bit hypocritical!

DH and his bro both have their Dad's name as middle name.

Thanks for the ammunition!

No it doesn't make you hypocritical as your DD has your DH's surname so tis fair that your DD (and your DS) have a middle name from your side

good luck!

Fight the patriarchy! How about your maiden name for his middle name?

SilkStalkings is definitely on to something. Using the mother's maiden name as a boy's middle name was almost the norm in the 19th century and even later. Nice tribute to your family and a bit more individual.

I like it when the middle name is meaningful, like a name that's been chosen to honour someone. And I don't think that using a father's name as a son's middle name takes away from the son's identity.

But, having said that, I wouldn't use a name I disliked, or a name that didn't go with the first name, just for the sake of a family tradition.

The major issue is that you don't like it. Therefore pick something else.

I like a meaningful middle name too. Dd1 has my name as her middle name & dd2 has my sister's name as her middle name. There is a tradition on dh's side for first born males to have 'Alexander' as middle name. I was happy to go with this for ds, as I like the name - I wouldn't have agreed if I hadn't liked the name though!

DS has DHs name as a middle name. It was my idea cos I really like the name. If anything DH was a bit embarrassed about it, like he thought people might think he was being big headed iyswim.

I wouldn't have chosen it if I didn't like the name though.