What to do when your DP has totally different name tastes :(

[shouldIbecrossaboutthis]

Surname is very similar to Hemming.

I like (in preference):
Arthur James Hemming
Oliver James Hemming
Elizabeth Kate Hemming
Florence Olivia Hemming
Scarlett Rose Hemming

He likes (In preference):
Joshua Hemming
Jake Hemming
Abby Hemming
Ashley Hemming
(he has also suggested Ryder and Bryce for girls)

I have nothing against the names he has picked, but I prefer stronger "power" names. How did you reach a conclusion with your DP, because really I just want to stamp my foot and say, "mine are better!"

You declare, the moment the baby is laid on your chest, that s/he looks like a 'your name choice'

I defy any man to say 'No' at that point in time :)

I prefer your list I like the names on his list but they all seem a little 'dated' now?! (ie would have chosen them 5 years ago).

you go through a name book until you find ones you agree on. allow lots of time. for our third child this took 3 years and even then was a compromise for both of us. this might mean that neither of you get your ideal choice, but something you are comfortable with instead

@chippingin, brilliant idea, I might just do that . Yes all his names feel a bit 1990s to me too!

@dreamingofsun, 3 years, wow! We have 5 months. I think the thing that makes it harder is that I look after children, on a very personal basis (ie. not a teacher) so a lot of names we can't really use. We both quite like Annabel, but we are very close to a 5 yr old Annabel and a 6 month old. Plus, I don't love the name.

Am I naive in wanting to adore my babies name and not wanting to find a so-so name we both agree on? Wont I always think, "you're such a little Arthur"?

I'm not normally this selfish either, I'm very easy going!

i guess what i'm trying to say is that if you both stick to your all time favourite names and won't consider others you are stuffed.

@dreamingofsun you're clearly a much nicer person than me. I was hoping lots of people would give me tips on how to make him change his mind, so I can get my own way .

I think the reason I feel like this is because he changes his favourite names all the time and has never said, "look, I really love this name". Where as I on the hand really LOVE the names I have picked out and can't imagine not using them .

maybe your husband isn't as stubborn as mine, and to be honest his taste in names is much better. though reading post again some are a bit odd.......

We're not married, but the baby will get his surname.

Dreamingofsun, I'm confused, do you like his list better than mine? Or does your DH pick better names than you?

How about Abigail rather than Abby or Jacob rather than Jake?

I went through a baby name book and asked DH to say the ones he liked (I only read out ones I quite liked) then I put them in a list of my favourite 10 and told him to pick his top 3.

This was when I was at the end of my tether due to his random like/dislike criteria for names.

@billybollybandy - he doesn't like Abigail and Jacob is my best friends DS.

If I go through the book and read out ones I quite like, he just says no, for the most random reasons.

I.E.. He doesn't like Arthur as it's "not a babies name", I have explained that a person spends more of their life being a grown up and only a teeny amount of time being a baby, but apparently it doesn't matter .

He says Oliver and Elizabeth are unimaginative and safe (!!), Florence too frilly (I think Abby is far frillier?) and Scarlett is a colour.

In that case send him thorough the book and say the ones he likes, and see if you agree with any of them. It is far easier to say no to someone else than to think about each name itself iyswim?

If it is any consolation, loads of people have these problems. If only dp's had better taste...

Does your head in, doesn't it!

My DP was the opposite. He was under strong traditional German parental influence to pick a strong traditional German name. Preferably one with upward social mobility (ie would would with Lady or Dame in front of it), and ideally with a hyphen. Germans love a good hyphen. Sophia-Charlotta was dredged up endlessly by DP's father.

I love nature names. Flowers, trees, birds etc. And I'm Welsh and was hoping for a Welsh name.

Germans can't pronounce W, F or TH in the right way so Welsh was never going to work. Upset me a bit but had to move on because no matter how much I loved Myfanwy, it would've annoyed me too much to hear it mangled by the German side of the family!

German names aren't known for nature themes. Lily and Rosa are about it. They have names meaning Strong Bright Battle Maiden, Powerful Sword or Wise Counsel.

We compromised. We chose Robin. Nature name (tick), pronouncable in German (tick), could sort of pretend it was Roberta for DH's father, and open to a few nicknames. Called her Bob for a while. Now she's 1 she's trashing the place so she's being called Bobzilla. This is often getting shortened to Zilla.... so really you'll find some part of any name to make both sides happy, I think.

Can you start with favourite books, authors, places, films etc to find some common ground? So one of you might not actually LIKE Romilly much as a name per se, but if you had your first holiday together in Rome you can view it in a different, more sentimental way.... If that makes sense!

Artie is a cute baby name. Then Arthur later?

Is he a Star Wars fan? Let him think Artie D2, phase him in that way!

It sounds like you need to get creative!

no way does my husband pick better names - his favourite i would cringe to call my child in public. i like some of both of yours, but dislike his in brackets. can you compromise by suggesting nicknames - you like elizabeth - does he like beth, liz,lizzie, bethan.....eli? you have rose as a middle name - what about using it as a first, or rosemary which you can shorten?

not sure i agree with the waiting till its put on your tummy after birth. i was so tierd i might have agreed to anything for an easy life

does he have any favourite relatives that you like the names of?

I told my DH if he squeezes it out, he can name it [mean]

You'll find a compromise, everybody does [bugrin]

It seems your DP likes more informal, nicknamey type names, whereas your list is of "full" names (which could also potentially have a nickname)

Could you ask him to choose a name where he likes the longer version as well as the nickname?

Make a list of all the names/middle name combinations you like and get him to pick from those. Or what i did was i chose the first name and then DH "chose" the middle names (well i let him think he did).

Try to compromise - open your mind and stop suggesting the mn top 10?

On saying that, my husband and I have diametric taste when it comes to names. He chose the first boy's name and I chose the middle name, then vice versa for our second boy.

We both had the power to veto though. Thank god.

It wasn't too hard with our first boy but for number 2 there was only one name we could both agree on and during my c-section we changed the middle name.

I don't know if this is a strategy as such, but dd2's name suddenly came to me out of the blue about a week before she was born, we had not been able to agree on anything up to that point and suddenly the right one just popped into my head. Give it time [busmile]

If he's giving the baby his surname, surely it's fair that you choose the first name? That's how we planned to do it, though now DP is saying I should get the final say over both names as I'm the one going through the pregnancy and birth!

Surely there's must be some names you both like though. Your girls names seem rather more 'frilly'/feminine and traditional whereas his are what he probably thinks of as 'modern' (though maybe in fact a little dated). Maybe you need a classic name, but not too fussy, and with a nickname he likes.

For boys names, I don't think your tastes are that far apart tbh.

I am very strongly of the opinion that if a woman goes to the trouble of carrying, giving birth to and caring for a baby then she has the final say in the name. Luckily my dh agrees!

If he gets the last name, you get the first. Only fair. Or suggest that if he insists on his choice, the baby has your last name.

I agreed with dp that I would name the baby if a girl and he would if a boy.

To be fair, anyone that wants to name a child Ryder or Bryce should be banned from choosing. Your choices are lovely and his others are fine with the exception of Abby and Jake. Good luck