What to do when your DP has totally different name tastes :(

[shouldIbecrossaboutthis]

Surname is very similar to Hemming.

I like (in preference):
Arthur James Hemming
Oliver James Hemming
Elizabeth Kate Hemming
Florence Olivia Hemming
Scarlett Rose Hemming

He likes (In preference):
Joshua Hemming
Jake Hemming
Abby Hemming
Ashley Hemming
(he has also suggested Ryder and Bryce for girls)

I have nothing against the names he has picked, but I prefer stronger "power" names. How did you reach a conclusion with your DP, because really I just want to stamp my foot and say, "mine are better!"

thanks everyone, some mixed opinions here.

I think the names I have picked are real names that you could give a nickname too:

Elizabeth and loads of nicknames and Aurthur could be Artie or Thor. I haven't picked these names form the Mn top 10 either @AlpinePony; they are names I love for very personal reasons, with the exception of Scarlett Rose which I got out of the book.

Following this thread I did ask him to go through the books and pick out 10 names that he liked that were full names not nn (ie Jake & Abby). He picked:

Boys
Joshua
Oscar
Mitchell
Quinn
Jake
Logan
Austin
Owen
Riley
Kieran
Arlen
Ashton

Girls
Abby
Kyra
Bryce
Ryder
Amber
Ashley
Addison
Anabelle
Olwen
Carys

I feel like their either a bit too trendy, too weird or too ermm American. sigh

Get the baby name book - a really big, long one, and go through it with a thick black marker and cross out any names you don't like. Then give him the book, tell him to either cross out any he really doesn't like (personally, I've give him a thinner pen to do so with, but I'm mean), or tell him to pick his top 20 or so from what's left, and go from there.

His choices are all a bit 'Disney afterschool special'. Logan and Oscar are quite nice though. Isn't Quinn a girls name?

I am definitely of the '9 months carrying it and labour, I choose the name' camp, especially if he doesn't 'love' any of the names he's suggested, and you're using his surname. If you don't love the name, you don't get to try and impose it! I find just mentioning the name/s you like over a length of time does make them forget they didn't like them originally, and I've seen that its not just my DP!

Very American suggestions but nothing really wrong with any of them apart from Ryder and Bryce and the spelling of Anabelle.

Some 'compromise' names or alternatives to consider:

Instead of Joshua - Jonah, Jonas, Josiah or Jasper
Instead of Oscar - Arthur, Orlando or Otis
Instead of Mitchell - Michael or Dashiell
Instead of Quinn - Tim(othy) or Quentin
Instead of Jake - Blake, Jago or Jesse
Instead of Logan - Nolan or Morgan
Instead of Austin - Austen (as a nod to Jane Austen), August(ine), Asher, Roman or Carsten
Instead of Owen - Ronan, Rowan, Owain, Orson or Conan
Instead of Riley - Bailey, Brady, Eli, Harry, Cyrus or Levi
Instead of Kieran - Cassian, Declan, Keir, Lorcan, Orion or Julian
Instead of Arlen and Ashton - Aaron, Adam, Aidan, Arlo or Adrian

Girls
Abby - Abigail, Gabby (Gabrielle), Libby (Elizabeth), Naomi, Polly, Ruby or Verity (consider some other vintage=style nickname names too)
Kyra and Bryce - Ada, Ailsa, Ayla, Isla or Isis
Ryder - This is a truly awful choice for a girl. I can't really think of any viable alternatives but perhaps a more feminine surname would suffice along the lines of Miller (Millie).
Amber - Amberly, Coral, Ember, Gemma or Kimberly
Ashley - Aisling, Ashby or Ainsley
Addison - Adele, Adela, Adelina or Adelaide
Anabelle - Anna, Annabel, Christabel, Isabel etc.
Olwen - Anwen, Bronwen or Ottilie
Carys - You might prefer the Greek spelling - Charis - or the variant Cerys. You might want to consider some other names with similar endings like Dolores, Lois, Agnes, Annis, Alice, Beatrice, Frances, Avis, Iris, Alanis, Artemis, Dilys, Hollis, Lillias, Ellis, Damaris, Doris and Isis.

For what its worth, your husband seems to like a lot of names names that were popular in America in the 90s so you might want to search those lists (look on Google) for some you like too.

He also likes girls names with strong I sounds (Kyra and Bryce) and soft As (Amber, Ashley, Annabel, Addison). Paradoxically, he likes some 'harsh' sounding girls names (Ryder, Amber and Olwen) and some 'softer, frillier' ones (Abby and Ashley). Could try suggesting some other Welsh names since he likes Carys and Olwen. Might serve as a guide to help you work out which ones to put to him.

Joshua and Owen (or Owain?) lovely

Carys and Annabelle lovely

With a bit more work you'll break him

Keep arguing until you finally find one you can agree on! Even if it isn't your perfect name. DH wanted Skylar for a girl and I wanted Caitlin. We agreed on Katie at about 22 weeks and I grew to love it. For DS he wanted Harry and I wanted Sam. We finally agreed on Ben at about 33 weeks.

I know what you mean about the names sounding a bit American, is he from the US or is that just the kind of names he happens to like?

From his girls list, I like Kyra, Ashley (Ashleigh?) and Carys. Annabelle is a bit 'frilly' for my taste but otherwise fine. Amber is quite nice too. What about Kiera, Kara/Cara, Carly/Carla, Arianne?

I don't think Ryder or Bryce really work as girls names, nor Addision either - I know that one is used in the US more but would just sound odd here. Abby is a nickname, Olwen is OK but I think there are many prettier Welsh names.

I actually quite like most of his boys names, not sure about Quinn or Arlen but the others are good. You can get away with the surname-as-first name thing a bit more with boys. As long as your actual surname isn't a common male first name, because then people will get his name backwards all the time (happens to DP and he hates it)!

I personally much prefer your dh's list to yours and tend to agree with him that yours is safe (though pretty names I know at least 3 of each one under 10 and no less than 5 Arthurs under 3) Having said that Joshua and Jake imo are also safe names..

In my opinion and what and I did when this was the situation we went back to the drawing board. It was OUR child I was pregnant with yes I was the one pregnant but I would not have got there without a man and in my case a man I love and had decided I wished to create another life with for me that = he is as entitled to have an opinion on names as I am. It also = I did not ever get to name my children by my favourite names as he didnt like them. I will put my hands up and outright say my children have names I would never have though prior to meeting dh and having them I would have named my children However I LOVE their names and so does DH. It took us a very long time to get there and much of debate We ended up with names that when I now look back at the list I wanted there is only 2 where I still think ohh I do adore that name . but dd1 is now 14 and my youngest 8 I can not imagine any of them anything else but the name we chose.

Get another book and go back to the drawing board. each make out a list of say 20 names each see if there is any over lap.

And btw I love the name Bryce I think it is fantastic.

Im not married, and dp got the choice, christian name or surname :) He felt this was unfair but ended up choosing surname (same as his as it turned out) and I chose the christian name.

Nope he's not American, I am Welsh so a Welsh name could work but we already have a Cerys, Carys, Lowri, and Seren in the family, they are all cousins we see very regularly.

I like the idea of going through the book and scrubbing out the ones I don't like!

I couldn't agree with frikadellen more - it's about "us" and "our". I am always a little more than shocked when I read of those who ride slipshod over the requests of their partner. :(

I did a "book" thing. I printed out a list of all the ones I liked and he was able to veto all the ones he didn't like. We were left with one.

Fwiw, there are so many beautiful Welsh girls' names, I cannot for the life of me imagine why you'd want to stick to the mn mainstream! (The name we agreed on in the end is Welsh so I may be biased! ;))

He chose Amber from the name book which isn't two disimilar in meaning or feel from Scarlet why do you compromise and go for Amber Rose or something. Also Annabelle from his list is similar to the names you chose, in that it is classic and beautiful and can be shortened, to Anna, Bella, Belle, Annie.

From the boys name Oscar, Quin, Joshua and Jake are all nice english names and not to American. You could always go for for something like Arthur Quin Hemming, that way you both get to chose and the names still go together.

@Alpine Pony, the names I like, I like for very personal reasons, with the exception of Scarlett Rose, Arthur and Elizabeth are all very close (now deceased) relatives names, Florence is to do with a now deceased friend. I look after young children and I have never met or heard of an Arthur or an Elizabeth/Florence where I live. Oliver is v popular and is a name DP initially suggested, but now isn't keen on.

With the Welsh names, I feel all the ones that are easily pronounceable have been taken by family and as we don't live in Wales I feel that some of the prettier names would be mispronounced and misspelled. I might have another look at the Welsh names.

The thing is, ALL the names I have suggested he doesn't like and ALL the names he has suggested we either can't use (Jake & Joshua for eg) or to me they are girls names (ie. Quin is a girls name?) or they remind me of American names (Amber).

Annabelle could be a good compromise for you. It's quite a classic name, which seems to be what you prefer, and one he likes too.

Many of the Welsh names are becoming more popular (much like Irish) I would not worry about people not being able to pronounce it they will ask then they will know. (dd3 is Aoife people love it when they learn how to say it but yes we have had some funny pronunciations I still adore the name)

We would love to use Annabelle but can't!

@Frikadellen, how do you pronounce your DDs name? ee-fa? Really like it!

yes Aoife is pronounced "Ee-fa" [busmile]

I suggest you leave the names discussions for the moment, wait til you're much nearer giving birth, heavily pregnant, knackered and emotional and then cry, lots, see if he doesn't cave then

Hmm, maybe names like Annabelle then? Amabel, Isabelle, Gabrielle, Mirabelle, Marianne?

Please don't 'pull rank' on him and steamroller him to get your own way. Imagine how you'd feel if he did that. You need to find a name (and there will be one) that you both like. Once your baby arrives, the name will take on a life of it's own anyway!

like your style @kitsmummy! But now thanks to this thread, I think Elizabeth & Arthur are a bit shit .

Madeleine, Adelaide, Annaliese?

ShouldI
We couldn't agree at all on DD2s name, and in the end went for a compromise name, but one with lots of nicknames that I liked.

Over time, I encouraged the nicknames and DD2 is now completely known by the nickname (which I do love on her) and is never called by her full name (DHs choice).

Its a compromise that worked for us.

Sadly, I'm one of those people that doesn't really like nn's for my child, probably because I have an unusual Welsh name and people always try to shorten it to names that just aren't my name IYSWIM?

Ephiny, thanks for the suggestions, I fear I'm too hard to please, most of them don't sound like true names to me, with the exception of Isabelle (my sister) and Gabrielle (to bible-like).

What you do is suggest something that's so outrageous and awful and he absolutely hates. Declare that it's the one name you truly love. Stick to it. Then, when the baby is born, say "She looks like a [name you actually want]". He will be so grateful it's not the outrageous choice he will agree and you can blame the change on the hormones.