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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Can she really 'reserve' a name?

73 replies

PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 11:47

Sorry this is kind of similar to another thread but it is a BIT different as the person in question isn't pregnant! I'm 25 weeks with my first baby and we don't know the sex. We're still only at the shortlist stage of names but when we visited DH's family my SIL came straight out and said 'You can't use Xxxx it's what I'm naming our baby.' (Which was a really odd thing for her to say as ever since she got married almost 2 years ago she has been v open about the fact that isn't ready yet and isn't going to get pg, etc.)

Of course, the name she mentioned was one we're considering. At first I didn't think much of it and just thought well, if we decide we want it we'll use it anyway as we're first. But this has apparently come up a couple more times when DH has been there without me. I'm starting to think she is serious and I still really like the name!

Would you use it or strike it off the list?

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LucyManga · 25/03/2012 11:48

I would strike it off the list, yes. She is being very juvenile, but is it really worth the hassle?

ProlificYoungGentlemenBreeder · 25/03/2012 11:48

Use it. She is IMHO being ridiculous!

AKissIsNotAContract · 25/03/2012 11:49

What's the name? I definitely wouldn't have any more discussions with her about names. Once you've named your baby she can't say much.

Methe · 25/03/2012 11:50

No I bloody wouldn't.

If you like the name then use it!

violathing · 25/03/2012 11:50

I would use it anyway. She is just being selfish and unreasonable. Names are not exclusive and if there are tow cousins with the same name it doesn;t really matter in the schem of things

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 25/03/2012 11:51

she shouldnt have said anything to you. In reality she cant reserve a name, but as she is your SIL I would strike the name off the list for familial harmony.

I am not going to have any more children, BUT I love the name Verity. Just saying... you can use it if you like it.

DoubleGlazing · 25/03/2012 11:55

Use it anyway :)

She has no right to expect you not to use the name.

If there's any "lack of harmony" afterwards then it will be clear that's because of her not you. Don't be bullied or pressurised, just make your own choice.

picnicbasketcase · 25/03/2012 11:57

Hmmm. Well, I feel like I should say that since she isn't even ttc yet let alone pregnant, she has no rights over a name. However, my Dsis has done the same thing - there's a name she and her DH want to use one day (a family name on his side - adding to their 'claim' over it) and she asked me not to choose it when I had my DC. It didn't really bother me since it was just one name from a list.

Seeing as how it's not a name you had definitely picked, but is just one of a number of choices, I would let it go. You could be letting yourself in for a lifetime of seething resentment from your SIL, the subject being brought up every time you say your child's name etc. Not worth it.

catsareevil · 25/03/2012 11:57

If she says it again just say that it is one of the ones on your list, so cant make any guarantees. Better than her first clue that you are considering it being when you name the baby.

startail · 25/03/2012 12:02

My DSIS alway said she'd call any son she had after our lovely Grandfather.

In fact neither of us have DSs, but I wouldn't have dreamt of using it.

I'm certain she'd never of dreamt of using DD1s name because I claimed that when I was 11.

We both imagined our children with these names from before we had our first boy friends.

So she is NBU.
(I wouldn't have dreamt of calling DD2 after my late DMIL if my DSIL had minded)

ragged · 25/03/2012 12:08

She is being very ridiculous but I would strike it off the list for the sake of family harmony.

Original poster

PregnantCappuccinoDrinker · 25/03/2012 12:11

Hmm looks like 50-50!

Part of me thinks that seeing as she isn't even trying and might never even have a boy anyway then why should I worry about it?

But seeing as it is just one of a few names I do like maybe I'll just let it go.

The trouble I have is that my top three boys' names - liked and imagined for ages - were completely vetoed by my DH. So I've had to completely start from scratch and this was one of the 'new' names I was coming around to.

OP posts:

babyblabber · 25/03/2012 12:49

if you really like it i would leave it on your shortlist and see when the baby's born. if she mentions it again though, i'd defo tell her it's on your list and has been since BEFORE she first brought it up rather than just name the baby that without ever mentioning it.

DialMforMummy · 25/03/2012 13:10

I'd strike her off the list...
I think she is being totally unreasonable. Be honest with her, so she sees it coming if you decide to go with it. And if she is upset then, so be it.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/03/2012 13:12

Agree with baby leave it on the list, but let her know that it was on the list before she mentioned it. You will probably find that you've gone off it anyway by the time LO arrives.

MadameChinLegs · 25/03/2012 13:15

If you use it, and she then has a little boy and is saddened that she feels she can't use the name, how would you feel?

If you don't use it, and she then has a boy and uses it, how would you feel?

If you don't use it, and she never has a boy, how would you feel?

Have a think about the above, and consider the answers when deciding whether to use it.

Bert2e · 25/03/2012 13:17

Another good reason not to discuss name choices with anyone before the baby is born!

hathorinareddress · 25/03/2012 13:19

You're pregnant and having a baby first.

You get first dibs on names.

She'll have to just get over herself and stop being 5 about it

No one owns a name.

Everyone has the right to call their child whatever they like.

I do not understand why there is such drama over these things.

hathorinareddress · 25/03/2012 13:22

D'you know wot? I think I am going to drag myself to the grave of my grandfather and great grandfather and xh grandfather and great grandfather as they ALL used DS's middle name first. The fucking cheek of them.

edam · 25/03/2012 13:22

She can't stop you calling your baby whatever you like. But I have to confess when my sister was expecting my niece, I did worry that she'd use the name I wanted for a girl. (After a dearly loved and sadly deceased adopted Grandmother.) I think she got quite irritated by me begging her not to use the name. As it turns out, sister and BIL chose a quite different name, and I never had the chance to use the name I wanted for a girl, as ds is an only child.

Harecare · 25/03/2012 13:23

Stop thinking about it. Veto it now for yourself and move on. While she may have no "rights" to a name, she clearly has strong feelings on the matter and to disregard them would be unkind.

SparkyMcSparrow · 25/03/2012 13:24

Just call your baby what you want.

Its her problem not yours.

I have had a few names that i love taken up by friends/family etc but its no big deal. If we ever have another one I will pick a different name that I like.

And also, how pissed off would you be if you didn't use the name, and then neither did she.

I had my dc names picked out since I was 14. When it came to the crunch, it turns out I didn't like those names as much as I thought.

TubbyDuffs · 25/03/2012 13:27

I named my second son a name which my SIL wanted for a boy if she had one, ALTHOUGH she didn't actually mention it to me before the fact!

I honestly don't know what I would have done if she had tried to reserve the name by telling me. I know I would have been mightily pissed off if I hadn't named my son it, as she went on to have a daughter!

I'm glad she kept quiet!

I don't think she can reserve the name, but why start out your child's life with bad feelings.

trixymalixy · 25/03/2012 13:29

The first thing a friend said to me when I was pregnant was "you can't call it xxx if it's a boy, I bagsie it", she wasn't pregnant. It happened to be my top boy's name. We did have a DS but DH didn't like the name anyway, so we didn't use it.

She then had a boy and didn't use the name in the end!!

Another friend was due at the same time as me and tried to bagsie our top girl's name, which we had chosen as it was DH's Gran's name. She thankfully gave birth first and had a boy, but imagine if I had given birth first and not named my DD our favourite name and then she had never used it?

IMO you should just name your child whatever you like as your SIL may never have kids, or the sex that the name in question is, or never even use the name. And anyway it is not really a massive deal to have two children called the same name.

Sluttybuttons · 25/03/2012 14:09

Playing devils advocate here, but do you maybe want the name more now since she has said she wants it? I know when i was pregnant i really loved a name almost because i couldnt use it (does that make sense?). It was the name of my cat that had died and i knew there was no way i could use it which made me want it even more.

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