Can she really 'reserve' a name?

[PregnantCappuccinoDrinker]

Sorry this is kind of similar to another thread but it is a BIT different as the person in question isn't pregnant! I'm 25 weeks with my first baby and we don't know the sex. We're still only at the shortlist stage of names but when we visited DH's family my SIL came straight out and said 'You can't use Xxxx it's what I'm naming our baby.' (Which was a really odd thing for her to say as ever since she got married almost 2 years ago she has been v open about the fact that isn't ready yet and isn't going to get pg, etc.)

Of course, the name she mentioned was one we're considering. At first I didn't think much of it and just thought well, if we decide we want it we'll use it anyway as we're first. But this has apparently come up a couple more times when DH has been there without me. I'm starting to think she is serious and I still really like the name!

Would you use it or strike it off the list?

I dunno, I'd not use it to be nice. I picked out my kids names YEARS before I was pregnant, I would have been a bit bummed out if a close friend/relative had beaten me to the punch!

CareBear I did think of that and I know it's a possibility but again, if I really thought there was a chance she wanted to be pg and wasn't, I don't think I would even have posted about this, it would have been a good enough reason to leave it.

Whenever she's mentioned the kids thing it has been her who's brought it up, in the context of a friend of hers has had a baby and how she so doesn't want to be at home with a baby etc - so that makes me think it's true, unless it's an extremely elaborate ruse!

Anyway I've learnt my lesson, I'm having no more specific name discussions with anyone except DH.

I'd strike it from your list.

I had something similar with my sil when she was pg with no'3 (her second since dh and I had been trying), and she mentioned a name that dh and I would love to call our dd when we're lucky enough to have her. I'd m/c'd a few weeks before and it was all very emotional for me and I couldn't get out of my head that if they used it they would be stealing the chance of me ever being able to use it.

Just be nice, but if and when she does have a baby remember not to harp about it if she chooses differently at the last minute.

but what happens if you do use it and then she has trouble concieving? she will always be looking at your DC through tinted eyes

Of course she can't 'reserve' a name, OP - it would be the equivalent of not letting others use a cubicle in a public loo, because you might want to know you could use it yourself at some point in the future. Entirely ridiculous of her to say this.

And I have to say - as someone who is a week overdue with an as yet unnamed first baby - that I am deeply suspicious of people who've had their babies named since the age of twelve! Isn't that more than a bit weird?

She sounds like a dick. She's not even pregnant or ttc. Ridiculous. Tell her she's being ridiculous and use the name if you like it.

She can't 'reserve' it. But unless I was totally set on it I don't think I'd use it. If I was totally set on it, I'd use it. Two people can have the same name, after all.

When I was pregnant with my DS my sil wouldn't tell me her boys name incase I stole it! Bearing in mind at this time a) we didn't know what sex the baby was, b) she wasn't pregnant, had an 8 year old and didn't want anymore and c) I didn't bloody ask her in the first place!

Some people just enjoy being awkward, but at the same time she hasn't got psychic link up so couldn't know the name was on your list.

op did you really like the name before or did you like it when she mentioned it?

On a lighter note my colleague was due just after me and wouldnt divulge her babies names in case i stole them.My dc have quite unusual names and i actually called the baby Delilah Ivy-hardlt common. She had her baby a few months later the name? David can see why she kept it to herself then.

In conversation, I'd probably bring up her reserved name every other time I see her in future. Just keep checking how much she likes it and all. Talk about it endlessly. Make sure there are plenty of witnesses to her "claim on the name" so she has to use it in the end, whether she still likes it or not!

Don't bother using the name.

It's not original to your baby now anyway..
Don't discuss names, it always annoys someone.

Mad woman. I would use it for sheer divilment if I liked the name; if I didn't like it I'd get a cat and and use it anyway.

Definitely use it if you love it and it feels like "the one". My DSis tried to do this with a girl's name, begged us not to use at as she wanted it for her (not yet conceived) DD, explained that it was one of the few names that worked in her bilingual family etc etc. Reluctantly we struck it off the list, in the end it wasn't relevant anyway as I had a DS. She then went on to have her DD, and called her something completely different. I saw her shortlist, and the name she'd pleaded with us over wasn't even on it.

Whoever has the baby first gets first pick of names.

Noone ever really knows people thoughts or situations but I would talk to her about it. I would explain it is a name you like a lot and was a top contender but you don't want to cause a problem but equally she may never need it/change her mind etc and how disappointed you would then be etc.

When I was struggling to conceive, going through IVF and not telling people any of it, I had a name I loved. I couldn't stop anyone using it but a friend did use it and although I congratulated them, I came home and sobbed and sobbed. It just felt like one more slap on the face.

Don't just strike it off the list and don't just use it because you are first, but talk to her. It might be more important to one of you than the other could ever realise.

Good luck with whatever you decide. There are lots of fantastic names out there.

I wouldnt use it but I'd be tempted to drop into casual conversation that it had been on your list but you had decided you werent really keen so had thought of a name you much preferred which you are keeping private for now :)

I'd let it go. It's a small act of kindness in the face of a rude and unreasonable request. Tbh, your SIL sounds like a nightmare, so she probably has bad taste in names. Pick another from your list that suits you more, and is about you and your DH.

Don't use the name, unless your heart is set on it, which it sounds like it's not. If you do, you know the name will be a source of friction, even if she doesn't say anything negative, you'll know she's thinking negative things about the name, and therefore your child will be a source of friction, rather than total joy, and new babies should be a source of total joy.

Carebear has a point, even if she's bringing it up when talking about other people having DCs, it could be more she's trying to convince herself she doesn't want them yet...

My SIL did exactly this when I was PG and she wasn't. Luckily it was a name I wasn't considering anyway but if it had been I would have been torn as I do think that people should be able to call their kids whatever they like and that first to give birth gets 'dibs' as the other person may well change their mind or not have a child of that gender. In my case SIL did have a DD a year after me and did use the name. I would talk to your SIL and tell her that it's on your list so that it isn't a shock to her if you do use it first!

I think if it was me I would avoid using the name unless you really love it and if you do want to use the name, just explain to her that you had already decided on this name before she mentioned she would like to use it one day a little white lie won't hurt! Perhaps sweeten it by saying how great minds think alike etc. if she's still being a pain about it then perhaps reconsider.

I think that she is being a bit silly but, in view of the fact you have to get on with her, I would just go for something else.

My sis and her SIL both chose the same name for their DS2s, and they have the same surname too - it has never been a problem. They don't go to the same school, they don't see each other v regularly, one boy is known by the shortening and the other by the full version.

I'd mention to her that it is still on your shortlist (otherwise if you choose it she'll be cross "But they agreed not to use it!"), and then wait to see if it fits your baby.
As others have said, she might not have a boy, or she might choose another name anyway when her time comes, and if this name is genuinely your favourite you'll be mighty peeved that you didn't use it!

What will she do if one of her friends chooses that name without consulting her first? Cut them out? Refuse to see their babies? Ha!

Btw, it's worth discussing your original shortlist with your DH again nearer the birth, my DH changed his mind over a few previously banned names. We still ended up choosing a completely different name, but it's worth mentioning!