Can she really 'reserve' a name?

[PregnantCappuccinoDrinker]

Sorry this is kind of similar to another thread but it is a BIT different as the person in question isn't pregnant! I'm 25 weeks with my first baby and we don't know the sex. We're still only at the shortlist stage of names but when we visited DH's family my SIL came straight out and said 'You can't use Xxxx it's what I'm naming our baby.' (Which was a really odd thing for her to say as ever since she got married almost 2 years ago she has been v open about the fact that isn't ready yet and isn't going to get pg, etc.)

Of course, the name she mentioned was one we're considering. At first I didn't think much of it and just thought well, if we decide we want it we'll use it anyway as we're first. But this has apparently come up a couple more times when DH has been there without me. I'm starting to think she is serious and I still really like the name!

Would you use it or strike it off the list?

She's a fuckwit and I'd use the name now even if I hated it.

When I was pg with dd I was informed the same by my Mum's friend's daughter who I haven't seen since she was about 10 and who wasn't pregnant at the time. Weirdfuck.

my sil did this to me - she told me that I couldn't use the name Alice, even though she wasn't pregnant.

i was quite cross, but didn't use the name (wasn't on our shortlist tbh!), and then she bloody didn't use it anyway!

Thanks for all replies, interesting.

Very wise post further up from MamaChinLegs!

If I used it and she then fell pg with a boy down the line, I'm sure she would make her feelings known on the subject of names. I suppose I have to acknowledge there's a chance she would be pissed off that we 'took' the name and we'd have to live with that. However I do think she ought to wait to be pissed off until this scenario actually arises!

If I don't use it and she later has a boy - tbh I'd like to think I'd be over this by then and be completely used to whatever my DC was named, so by that point I don't think I would care as I'd have accepted my decision.

If I don't use it and she never has a boy - difficult to say as it'll be years into the future until we know this for sure! Again, I imagine it would be water under the bridge by then.

I think then, PCD, that you sound like you could handle not using it better than she could handle you using it, so it may be worth taking it off your list then.

My DH and I were going to have a boy called Roger and a girl called Pheobe. Then Friends came along and we didn't want to use Pheobe, anymore. And when DS finally came along, we picked a different name entirely. So IMO she is U to want to reserve a name.

But there are thousands of lovely names. Why insist on using "hers".

My BF and sister both did the name veto thing before ttc and neither used the names concerned. BF had boys and sister picked a totally different name.

Keep it on your list and see how you feel when the baby is born.

Do they just like the name or is there a reason behind her wanting it?

I think you're right and I'm edging towards just leaving it - after all, if this was another name that I liked and my DH hated I'd have to accept that.

But I do resent this a bit. She's a bit 'everything's about me' anyway and it doesn't surprise me at all that she's managed to edge her way into a decision of ours that ought to be nothing to do with her.

She seems to want everything both ways - she's so vocal about the fact that they aren't going to have a family yet as she's so focused on her career, yet when we decide to, she suddenly has hugely strong feelings about baby names!!

Oh FGS use it!!

Once you have your dc and name them, all other names just seem wrong. So what happens in the future is very unlikely to upset you

There's millions of names out there! Use it for a middle name if you must. Reverse the situations and tell me you wouldn't be miffed.

Eggrules, no there isn't a reason behind it - I hasten to add that if this was a family name with special meaning to her, I would have dropped it straight away with no problem. It's just a name she likes.

Tell her you are not now using the name as you have heard that it is in fact rather chavvy

LeeCoakley I can assure you that if the situation was reversed it's something I would never have done to begin with!

I think she's being ridiculous and you have the right to call your child whatever you like.

But I'd take it off the list anyway - mainly because I'd be worried that she wouldn't believe it was on the short list and think that it was chosen out of spite.

Of course she can't 'reserve' a name

I'd just use it if you like it. It's surely not the end of the world if she ends up using it as well in the future - though it's all very hypothetical, she may never even have a son, or she might well have changed her mind by then!

You must tell us the name and we can judge whether it's worth pursuing.

Then keep it on your list.

It is ok to say you don't want to discuss names.

Atticus

That was a joke obviously. It's far more mundane than that! This whole experience has completely put me off discussing names actually. We've got a really strong favourite girl's name and NO WAY am I revealing to anyone what that is now!

Crikey Maryz that is bad. Under those circumstances I think I'd change the name even if I loved it.

No, she can't!

When I was pg with my first, I knew I was having a girl and we were discussing names with family. I said, "I quite like X" and my SIL, who was 16 at the time, gasped and said, " you can't use that because I'm using it for mine!"

I gave her a look and said:

A, you're 16 and not likely to have a baby for years, by the time you do you will probably have changed your mind.

B, you might have all boys and not use it anyway!

C, I'm pregnant now and get first dibs so tough!

I can't even remember what name it was now! I think it might be DD1's middle name so SIL can still use it if she wants to. She's nearly 22 now but still unlikely that she'll have a baby in the near future!

Lots of people who are trying say 'oh no we're not trying, don't want kids yet etc'.... so they don't keep being asked. If she is trying and hasn't fallen pg while you have she might be finding the whole thing hard. If she's so set on the name then she's obviously thought about it. Just a suggestion.

My SIL used my favourite boy's name, and its my Dad's name, and I was a bit disappointed at the time, but that just makes me love him all the more now.

I think the rule is that whoever gives birth first gets first dibs.

It took so long to choose a name last time that we decided what we'd call a second boy then too. It's tough luck that BIL got there first and we have no names for DC2...