Real life sanity check on unusual names

[MsChanandlerBong]

I had a phone call yesterday from our estate agent... the lady on the phone was called Lolita. I'm afraid/ashamed to say I did form opinions about her as soon as she told me her name.

I'm now glad I went for a more traditional name for DD than some of the more unusual ideas I originally had. I didn't have the bad manners guts to ask her what she thought of her name though... she volunteered it so can't be that bothered by it I suppose.

~She could always have used a nn eg Lottie if she really wanted to. It can't bother her, so it shouldn't bother you either.

"I'm afraid/ashamed to say I did form opinions about her as soon as she told me her name."

I'm afraid I did form opinions about OP as soon as read this and i am not ashamed.

Rightly or wrongly I definitely think names create labels...e.g. if I received an email from someone with a certain name I might imagine what they look like/the kind of life they live/upbringing/nationality etc..this wouldn't necessarily be a negative thing and it wouldn't affect my response to them etc..but like it or not this is human nature...

Thanks Montsti I guess that is what I was trying to say but you put it much more eloquently than I obviously did.

A few years back I also received a phone call from a lady working at a stately home, who introduced herself as Portia from the Palace, and I thought that sounded marvellous.

I suppose the observation I was making was that without visual cues, judgements (rightly or wrongly) are made about us by our names. And that can sometimes confirm or challenge stereotypes.

I think you need to not judge a person whom you have never acually met upon hearing their name.

Its pointless saying "rightly or wrongly" knowing full well that you shouldnt do it.

I find it ignorant tbh, compare this :

"A few years back I also received a phone call from a lady working at a stately home, who introduced herself as Portia from the Palace, and I thought that sounded marvellous"

to this:

"the lady on the phone was called Lolita. I'm afraid/ashamed to say I did form opinions about her as soon as she told me her name"

Why should she be bothered by it btw? Whats wrong with unsual names and why the "sanity check" in your thread title

And where does this end?

Dont judge a book by its cover OP. Also knowing someones name does not challenge nor confirm streotypes only create them.

Christ.

Obviously I am a terrible human being, and almost alone it seems, in occasionally jumping to conclusions about things. And I'm struggling to see the part where I insinuate it was a good thing that I had jumped to a conclusion in my OP...

I've read on here numerous times people saying to sanity check a potential dc's name you should consider whether it works as prime minister, pilot, etc etc. Well Lolita the estate agent surprised me. It is not a name I have come across before in rl so it challenged my stereotype of the name (based on a rather well known book and film).

That's all.

No one said you cant be surprised if you havent heard a name before thats natural but went further and formed "opinions about her as soon as she told me her name"

Thats not right OP in my book.

Beacuse on that basis, if I told you my real name, you'd probably do it to me.

Now Im gonna give you an example and I am in no way suggesting that this is the case with you OP but just try and understand where Im coming from:

My race is an ethnic minorty and I have had people act differently towards me once they have seen my face.

So to me, when I speak to someone over the phone probably before I give them my name, you do not get that instant prejudice, and in a way, probably naively I thought that it is almost safer to speak to someone over the phone, hearing I have a Yorkshire accent no different to any other race, it would be harder to judge or whatever.

But if you were to say my name, you could probably guess my race.

And thats why I ask where does this end, because even though you formed opinions of someone on hearing a name and was nothing to do with race, someone else (and I have seen this happen) can form racist, sexist, etc etc opinons about anybody.

And again I dont think this was what you did here, but you need to understand from someone who doesnt have a "mainstream name" that its just best not to form opinions without knowing the person first. Some people have been wrongly judged enough already.

No one said you were a terrible person, just be a little bit more broad minded thats all.

People do judge though. And I agree with the op that parents should consider this when picking names.

The fact is that people, rightly or wrongly, do judge whether we like it or not. When teachers get lists of children they will be teaching for the next year there are certain names they dread.

People will always judge. You can't dictate what's wrong and what's right about how people's minds' form opinions. It's only an issue if you act upon said thoughts and treat Lolita's like sluts and Portia's like princesses. The OP did neither.

It's the same as seeing someone and thinking 'OMG how can someone be so obese!?' I can't help that thought pops into my head. However I don't treat people any differently because of said thoughts.

It's a shame you feel once you tell people your name they know your race ( the same could be said of white people abroad though). The only names I would immediately assign a race to are Fatima and Mohammad, I have never met a non-Muslim Fatima or Mohammad.

But muslim or not doesn't phase me so I not quite sure of the issue?

You're right, that isn't what I did.

The thought process I went through was "Lolita, I have never heard that before. Who would want to name their dd after a sexually precocious literary character. I wonder what it was like when she was c12 years old and went to her friends house and was introduced to their parents. God, what am I thinking. She obviously isn't bothered by her name as she introduced herself and she didn't give herself a nickname or change her name. But it's made me think. Probably a good job I didn't name my dd after a disney character as I considered, as people might be having these distracting thoughts when they phone her up from work in 20 years time. Oh no, what has she been saying, I have been distracted by her name for the last 10 seconds".

And the Portia from the Palace comment, I made as I thought it was marvellous that she had found a job that was an alliteration with her name. Vicky from the Vets, Boris from the Bank, etc etc.

And fwiw I feel really hurt and upset that my comments have been taken and twisted and compared to people that are racist. You have made me cry this evening at the thought that what I have said could be interpreted that way. Perhaps I do need to take a good hard look at myself. But it honestly did grab my attention to get a phone call from an estate agent called Lolita.

Oh, which names they dred bun, please do give an example!

Cross-post with MrsOzz/Bunbaker/Rhubarb

Thanks for making me feel a little less terrible.

I'm with you Chanandler, am surprised some people are being over the top about your OP! Everything is there to be judged, like it or not. People will judge you on what you wear, your job, car, eating habits etc and there's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean that you're not open minded, it's just an instant reaction to something you see/hear which may or may not change as you get to know them!

OP if you bothered googling you would have found a lot of people named Lolita who had a successful careers across the globe. Lolita is nn for Dolores. Another nn is Lola.

I did not think you were racist, I thought you were a bit ignorant, which was confirmed by you later. Maybe a little less judgement will help you avoiding embarrassment next time.

I am a teacher! I'm not sure I 'dread' certain named children. But ones (from this year's in take) that made me raise an eyebrow include:
Armani
Tianna
Ma'kenzie

Kane
Jermaine

And yes the above have attitudes to match their names! The well-behaved, nice smelling, clean children in my class (Yr 1) include:
Henry
Harry x 2
Amelia (Millie)
Madeleine
Hannah
George
Jasper
Annie
And errr Skylark

So, nothing you 'dread' then...so why did you say "When teachers get lists of children they will be teaching for the next year there are certain names they dread."??

There is loads of evidence from psychological studies that first impressions do matter (and can be shown to alter behaviour, even amongst those who claim to e non-judgemental). It may be deplorable, but it's what happens all the time.

And, yes, when not face to face a name is a vital part of the first impression.

I didn't say I dread any name. Bunbaker said that!

Sorry!!!!!

meditrina OP was not talking about "first impressions", her precise words were "I'm afraid/ashamed to say I did form opinions about her as soon as she told me her name."

A bit stronger than "first impressions". Anyway... whatever.

I think people do form opinions based on names. Alot of the time they change when you meet people. A little girl in my daughters class is called Destinee (spelt like that) and i did form an opinion which actually was totally different to how i felt after i met her and her mum.

Bemybebe - The opinions I formed were my first impressions. You are just picking on me for semantics now.

Well read my post again especially the bit where I put "I am in no way suggesting that you are racist. Im not sure how I managed to twist anyones words.

My example about the race thing was just to highlight how people can be quick to judge on something so basic.

I hardly expressed my rage so not sure how OTT people on this thread think I was being.

And my point was its all well and good saying rightly or wrongly people do judge, theres nothing RIGHT about it, its still wrong even if it happens a lot. We can be all guilty of it, doesnt make it okay does it?

Its like you've made a post highlighting that you've been a bit ignorant, and no ones allowed to challenge it without making out that you are a "terrible person" not sure who said that other than you OP.

In 2011 in Britain you're gonna come across more unusual names in professions than Lolita.

Also why should anyone have to be careful what they name their children? Because they dont sound like Lawyers and Doctors? Why would I as a mother have to take into account judgemental people when naming my child whatever I want? Ive never understood that when Ive seen that on MN.

More Kates, Sarahs, Harrys and Jacks for the world then? How dull and conformist. No offence to any of the names but choose them because you like them, not just to fit in.

Ignorance will never die out, doesnt mean that I have to agree with it.

Im not honestly trying to start a fight OP but I think that we should, as people, no matter who we are, always try and keep an open mind as much as we can.

I'll leave the thread now because Ive clearly upset you. No harm was meant.

bemybebe: what OP is describing ("form opinions") is exactly what happens when a first impression is made.