Real life sanity check on unusual names

[MsChanandlerBong]

I had a phone call yesterday from our estate agent... the lady on the phone was called Lolita. I'm afraid/ashamed to say I did form opinions about her as soon as she told me her name.

I'm now glad I went for a more traditional name for DD than some of the more unusual ideas I originally had. I didn't have the bad manners guts to ask her what she thought of her name though... she volunteered it so can't be that bothered by it I suppose.

I am always suprised that the people who judge think its the fault of the person with the name or the person that named them.

It really isnt.

If you judge or dread or whatever someone based simply on their name the fault only lies with you.

We all form opinions/judgments/impressions from everything about a person. If they are wearing unusual clothes, or a hairstyle, we make assumptions about their character. Even if we then adjust our thoughts to be non-judgmental. It's not unkind, it's just taking in info and making an assessment.

Surely a name is part of someone's impression.

Anyone who says they NEVER judge must be pretty saintly imo.

Oh do Admit - I didn't think I was apportioning any blame. I mean, apart from perhaps with myself in challenging my preconceptions (probably a better word than stereotypes that I previously used).

As other posters have put, many people do jump to conclusions/form opinions/have first impressions based on peoples names. I did not act on it, but merely noted that it made me think. And therefore I was happy I had considered this factor when naming my dd.

I also pointed out that it obviously didn't bother her, just me.

And I am sure there are loads of successful ladies called Lolita, but the name is famously associated with the character in the book and subsequent films. And the themes brought up in the book are not something I would want associated with my dd. Although it is a pretty name.

come off it! Have you seen the threads on MNs about names?
Posters stating that parents calling their DCs Ashanti and L'ean may as well put them on the game because they will NEVER get into university with a name like that.

People saying their applications will go straight in the bin and that its almost child abuse to call their DCs by ghetto style names.

Not once thinking that it might be their prejudices that are the problem not a bloody name.

People dont have to like names. They can think they are stupid or ugly or whatever. They should not make decisions about someone's character based on what they think about a name.

Cross post that wasnt aimed at you!

Completely off topic but I never knew that Lolita was a nn for Dolores. I consider my quest for fact of the day complete!

Meditrina "what OP is describing ("form opinions") is exactly what happens when a first impression is made."

Sorry, but not the same and nothing to do with semantics.

Somebody's spotty face or obesity may give negative first impressions, but forming opinions based on those superficial characteristics is plain wrong.

My last but one post wasnt directed at you either. It was more of a general observation.

Like I said, names are personal. Like them or not - its fine.

There is just this weird name snobbery that goes on that I find distastful.

Lots of cooing over names that would get a child beaten up in a playground round here but much sneering over any name that sound slightly made up (even if it isnt) or is spelt in an unusual way.

I suppose I just dont get it.

Bemybebe: I disagree, and do see it as the same. The strength and extent of the opinion might vary (OP wasn't terribly specific); as will the aspects under greater voluntary control - such as whether you have trained yourself to be alert to it, and whether and how you have learned to deal with it effectively.

Fine, I am not a psychologist, so I cannot dispute what I do not understand. I hope you are better qualified than me

Oh Do Admit - but Lolita isn't made up or spelt unusually - imo it is intrinsically linked with the book. That is what I was commenting on.

Bemybebe - I think you are mis-interpreting what I said. As a first impression I formed opinions/had thoughts about someone based on their name. To reiterate, I didn't act on these, I just caught myself having these thoughts. And interestingly someone having a spotty face would never ever give me a negative first impression. In fact, I probably feel about that the same way as you do about my first impressions based on someones names.

They were not my examples, I had a spotty face Chanandler

MsChan I have explained twice that my last two posts were not directed specifically at you.

I am not sure what else I can do really.

I am very snap-judgmental, which is a character trait I really don't like, but I try hard to remember that you should never judge someone on the basis of their name, where they're from or how they speak, because they have no control over those things.

Judge them on their actions.

I liked the name Delilah but partner wouldn't use it because of links to being a 'slag' as he says in the bible!! I see Lolita as an odd name choice because of literary link but wouldn't dream of assuming a Lolita was a less than nice person. And I don't think the OP thinks this either after she s checked herself which is why she says she had a reality check

I have just been reminded how much I live the name Mahalia
I WISH I could have just one more lickle baby to bestow all the names I havent used up on.

All these (slightly sanctimonious?) people who are lucky enough NEVER to judge and would NEVER be prejudiced against any name at all or associate it with a particular character....

have you met my baby Adolf?

I would judge parents if I met baby Adolf. Is that unreasonable?

whatever

If you think a child shouldnt get to university because they are called L'toyar
you deserve to get a bit of sancitmony thrown in your direction.

I am not going to apologise for that.

If you simply do not like a name = meh

I actually said exactly that on another thread a few months back...

Dear God I wondered how I managed to start a thread without actually being online!

I wonder all those judging the person by their name are happy to judge the baby...

Meant to add that I'll name change. Funny this should happen on a names thread though .