Real life sanity check on unusual names

[MsChanandlerBong]

I had a phone call yesterday from our estate agent... the lady on the phone was called Lolita. I'm afraid/ashamed to say I did form opinions about her as soon as she told me her name.

I'm now glad I went for a more traditional name for DD than some of the more unusual ideas I originally had. I didn't have the bad manners guts to ask her what she thought of her name though... she volunteered it so can't be that bothered by it I suppose.

Why do you need to namechange OP?

I'm not the Op, she's MsChanandlerBong. Hence the need for a name change.

ah!
I am sure bemybaby is lurking around somewhere, but I am not changing!!

2Oh, which names they dred bun, please do give an example!"

The list of names was on another parenting forum a few years ago. Unfortunately I can't lay my hands on it. I found this just now, but it isn't the original list in question.

(Runs away and hides)

I am not sure what the fuss is about regarding OP's post as the majority (obviously not all) of people do form opinions on people's names..I do but it certainly wouldn't stop me from hiring said person/being friends with them/marrying them etc...many threads on here start with, "do you think x name is too popular/pretentious/chavvy etc.. Etc..?" so obviously this is something many people consider before naming their children...(one active thread re:the name Damien and most people say they have negative associations).

DS's name is almost always slated on this site as being far too popular which obviously makes me "dull and a conformist" as per a previous comment on this thread...should I be bitterly offended by this comment? Is it only ok to be offended if you are in an ethnic minority or have a name that is considered unusual - sorry double standards...I live abroad and constantly get teased as my DS has a name that is considered very English...it doesn't bother me as I am English and yes the name is most popular in England...

Sorry this whole thread has surprised me a lot and I feel sorry for OP that she has been upset by some of the comments..

I agree Montsti. I have an unusual name that I hated as a child and am still not very fond of, so I decided to give DD a name that everyone had heard of, but eight years years later it hit the top 10 most popular girls names. Do I care? No.

People in general are judgemental. I don't believe anyone who says that they aren't at all. In any case, mumsnet would be a pretty boring forum without these discussions.

Sorry I said I'd stay away, but I just want to answer to what Monsti said:

1st off, no I dont think its only ok to be offended if you are an ethnic minorites, it shouldnt happen to anyone it does but its not right. The same way your DS shouldnt either being a Brit abroad. And where are these double standards you speak of??? Not from me I hope.

(And I hate those threads on the Baby Names topic, it has put me off posting asking about names in the past as I am expecting DC2)

I used the race thing as an EXAMPLE of how one can judge on a name, I never the OP was racist for fucks sake I should have know better really that people would have taken it the wrong way, but whatever.

Also Monsti read the sentence after where I said "dull and conformist", the bit where I said "No offence to any of the names but choose them because you like them, not just to fit in" meaning its a shame that you would have to choose a name based on others opinions.

My point still stands, just because it happens, we all know we shouldnt do it. I just dont understand this blase (sp?) attitude thats its okay becauSe we all do it. Like "hey we're being small minded, but its okay 'cause everyone does it, right?"

Cameron puts it better than me:
*"I am very snap-judgmental, which is a character trait I really don't like, but I try hard to remember that you should never judge someone on the basis of their name, where they're from or how they speak, because they have no control over those things.

Judge them on their actions."*

Everyone should take a little bit of that attitude I reckon. Everyone, including me. No one here said that they've never judged in their lives.

Yes but my point is that you gave certain names labels I.e. "dull" therefore doing exactly what all of us are doing that is judging a person by the name they give their child (conformist) and giving names labels...I am not offended by this at all and I realize you were not trying to offend and like the rest of us are only human!

I completely understand why you and others (incl. me) do not post your children's names as there're often very negative responses to certain names (incl. my son's) but I suppose some people do ask for opinions and that's what they get..

Sorry to get involved in this debate as I am not meaning to upset you or anyone else, but in this instance I felt that OP was not being malicious and that people were "attacking" her and clearly upset her...

No, I didnt mean the names were dull, I meant how it is dull and comformist that everyone should tow the line and choose a name to be safe rather than what they would actually want. Thats why I said no offence to the names if you like them. Maybe the wrong choice of words.

Random example "Oh I love the name Destiny I really wanted my daughter to be called that, but I was scared everyone might think she's a chav we called her Laura" I think its a shame parents would have to be weary of people acting like the OP did.

Theres a difference though, liking/disliking a name is fair enough you dont have to like everything but to judge someone just because they have a certain name, aint right no matter which way anyone tries to justify it.

I dont think the OP was being malicious, but if you start a thread saying "I formed opinions about someone I never met when they told me their name" you have be ready to be told that you're being a bit ignorant, not a terrible person, just a bit small minded.

It also came across like the OP was proud of being judemental, proud enough to post a thread about it and it didnt come across very well to me.

Hey - I certainly was not "proud of being judgemental". In fact I said I was afraid/ashamed of forming opinions. When the thoughts popped into my head, I quickly checked myself and went on to wonder why I had had these initial thoughts. And I then started the post (naively it seems) to have a discussion with other people with an interest in names (on a baby name forum) on the thoughts that can be evoked by a name.

I am and have always been very interested in peoples names and the decision making process when selecting them - where they come from/why they were chosen. When we name our offspring, we are giving them a label which they will be known by for (most likely) all of their life. I found making the decision for my dd incredibly challenging because it felt like such a massive responsibility.

I have seen some research somewhere previously (sorry can't find it now, which probably makes this point contentious) where it was investigated whether a persons names affected the kind of person they became. One thing being what job they ended up doing. (Apparently Orlando Bloom's dad named him such as he wanted to make sure he did something out of the ordinary with his life).

Perhaps I have this interest as my name is very dull and conformist. But, to me, a glamourous name like Portia, working in a palace (which is also an alliteration which I love) grabs my attention. And someone being called something like Lolita during what would have normally been quite a dull phone call gets my brain ticking.

I've thought a lot about this thread over the past 24 hours and although I'm perhaps not saintly, I do think a few people have read an awful lot into what I said, and come out with some horribly negative conclusions about what I wrote.

Not babies, old people in fact. I had dealings at work on the with an elderly gentleman who I believed was called "Horace" I had visions of a retired farmer, red faced and tweed jacketed. I discovered after a while I'd misheard his name and he was called "Hollis" . In my imagination he imediately changed to a more suave retired journalist with a linen jacket and nice spectacles. Yes, we do make assumptions!

"And someone being called something like Lolita during what would have normally been quite a dull phone call gets my brain ticking."

The problem OP is not "your brain ticking" waking up genuine curiosity, the problem is that your "brain is ticking" with "fuck, her name is the same as that character from a book about a paedo" followed by an "opinion" whatever that means.

...followed by an "opinion" you are ashamed of whatever that means...

Sorry, but some names just have to belong to certain kinds of children.
Anyone know a cleaver Courtney or a well behaved Kyle.

Uh oh Startail, you've done it now!!

Bemybebe - now you are jumping to conclusions about what my opinions were... interesting that you feel comfortable enough to judge me based on a few posts on an online forum. You seem to be hell bent on reading negative things into whatever I say, however much I try and clarify.

I would MUCH rather be the kind of person that sometimes forms opinions that I do not act upon but merely note and question than the kind of person that continually attacks (yes, I feel attacked) someone on an online forum.

You've obviously decided I am a narrow minded, horrible person. And I have decided you are a bully. So lets not swap Christmas cards this year - yes that's right. YOU ARE OFF THE LIST

I judged you on your actions
YOU were never on my list

Where do you keep getting this "horrible person/terrible person" thing from? You're the ONLY person saying that.

If anyone thought you were a horrible person, trust me they would have said it on here. Instead you keep saying that others think you are.

How funny.

The people that go on about limitations of other's IQ are always the ones that make stupid spelling mistakes.

Is your RL name Courtney startail?

YOU may not know any cleaver (sic) Courtneys but I can assure you I do. Are you sure there are no well behaved Kyles? None at all? In the whole wide world?

"Who would want to name their dd after a sexually precocious literary character."

OP Lolita wasn't a sexually precocious character, she was just a normal child who was the victim of a sick predator.

I'm sure there are bright Cortneys and well behaved Kayles. They were just examples of names that create an instant impression in my (and I fear of other MC intellectual snobs) heads.
As for myself I have such a dull common name that you can tell nothing about me at all.

My name is everso posh.

I am not so i must disappoint on a regular basis

Wow cant believe the over-reactions to the OP on this thread.

OP, I know exactly what you mean. Judging/first impressions/forming an initial opinion - all the same shades of grey to me. As humans we are programmed to make snap judgements based on what we first see/hear/smell - we can revise them later. It doesn't mean those judgements are always bad - experience will teach as to change the initial thoughts we might have had previously.

This interests me because we're trying to decide on a name for DC2 and the first impression of a name plus our own feelings towards particular names has a massive bearing on our decision. Ive ruled out plenty of lovely names because they remind of people I don't particularly like for example.

Freakonomics - whole chapter about how your name can have a huge impact on your whole life due to the way in which other people have a first impression.

Stuff like applying to jobs (identical cvs sent with different names - certain names got more requests for interview on regular basis).

You are also suppose to 'live up to' your name. So if your child has a 'chavy' name and teachers expect you to misbehave, they subconsciously treat you differently, and in term, make it more likely for that child to behave in that way!