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Original poster

Does your mum expect to have a say in your child's name?

73 replies

Meta4 · 16/11/2011 22:07

Because it transpires that mine does!

I feel bad ranting, because I have a really good relationship with my DM. She's been really good to us - but I draw the line at name-dictation!

She however thinks she should have a say, because it's her grandchild.

But I think she's had her time to name her three children, and this is my time to name mine.

Anyone in a similar position?

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DeeOfTheNorth · 16/11/2011 22:09

No. That's really weird. Just smile, nod and make non-committal noises at her suggestions then when baby is born TELL her what the name is.

LemonDifficult · 16/11/2011 22:09

Awwww. Can you just listen to her, nod your head, at no point mention the name you're really thinking of, then just present it as a done deal when the baby's born?

I always get excited about names when anyone's pregnant!

daveywarbeck · 16/11/2011 22:09

Your mother needs to wind her neck in pronto, and you need to tell her so. Otherwise this will be merely the first of many many things she feels she has the right to have a say in, because it's her grandchild.

Just refuse to discuss names with her, point blank.

DeeOfTheNorth · 16/11/2011 22:10

I take it this is her first grandchild btw?

Also did her mother chose your name?

Still think it's strange.....

KnitterNotTwitter · 16/11/2011 22:10

nope. although she was delighted that we've chosen her dad's name as DS2's middle name.

A name on the possible girls name list is an old family name on my side. Transpires is the same name as woman FIL had an affair with - MIL would rather we didn't use that.... quite understandable and to be honest I've gone off the name as a result!

Original poster
Meta4 · 16/11/2011 22:16

Second grandchild. She wasn't like this last time and loves DDs name.

Honestly, she's not usually opinionated or overbearing - I think that's why it's wound me up so much.

And no - she chose my name!

OP posts:
bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 16/11/2011 22:18

No, but my mil did (in a typically passive-aggressive way).

SazZandASparkler · 16/11/2011 22:21

My MIL told me my DD would be called Victoria.

Errrrr. No. Grin

rachel234 · 16/11/2011 22:22

It depends how much you value her opinion. I have always had a very close relationship with my mum and value her thougths and opinion - she also has very good taste Smile. So, yes, I did take her views into account when making the important decision of naming our baby!

Chynah · 16/11/2011 22:24

I refused to discuss names with anyone - would just change subject an say hadn't tought about it yet. We decided name for both DC really early on but never mentioned to anyone as didn't want to get into a discussion or get negative comments for our choices. First anyone knew was when we annouced the births.

DeeOfTheNorth · 16/11/2011 22:27

Hmmmm....even stranger that this is her second grandchild Confused and she was ok the first time!

I'd just go with not making a fuss, listen to her ideas but ultimately make your own decision. I'm sure she'll be fine with it when the announcement is made! Smile

PotteringAlong · 16/11/2011 22:28

My first DC is due on saturday and this us why we've refused to discuss names! I don't think it would cross my mum's mind; my mil went through the baby name book at our house and told ya what she liked - we just nodded in a non-committal kind if way!

Your child, your choice!

Tinkerisdead · 16/11/2011 22:29

My fil insists that my dc2 be called john. Family tradition. No thanks. Im not sure what i want more a girl to quash his family line or a boy and enjoy announcing that he's not john!!

Oh and my mum told me to make sure she'll be able to buy it an xmas bauble with its name on!!! Priorities!

Kayano · 16/11/2011 22:32

My mum keeps asking me if I have considered the name Lucy... Every single time I see her!!!

FoxyRevenger · 17/11/2011 10:43

My mum sent me a text - while I was in labour - which read

'What about Ellis?'

I replied 'Sorry, am 3cm dilated, what about it?'

Ellis Hmm

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 17/11/2011 10:49

She has no right to expect you to give your child a name of her choosing and you need to tell her straight! She named the people she pushed out of her body and you will do the same! Grin

That said, there is nothing wrong with hearing suggestions.

In fact, my mum was the one who suggested the name me and my husband ended up choosing for our eldest child.

And my sister suggested the name we ended up choosing for our younger child!

We didn't HAVE to use those names, but we just loved them. And my mum and sister love the fact that we chose the names they suggested, even though they did not in any way expect or demand that we would.

So, although she doesn't have any entitlement to a say (and tbh you could do with putting her in her place a bit). I'd say just listen to her suggestions. you never know - you might love them

GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/11/2011 10:55

Mine asked us not to use a name we really loved because it's also the name of a close family member and she doesn't like more than one per family.

Ultimately, I have a very close relationship with my mother and we decided that if it would upset her then it wasn't worth pursuing. If we had gone ahead she would have sucked it up but we didn't want her to have to IYSWIM.

Wouldn't mind but she's Irish and every member of her family is called Margaret or James :o

notso · 17/11/2011 11:02

No, but she freely gave opinions on our choices always followed by,
"but of course if you choose to have an Agnes/Beau/Rhys then I shall learn to love it!"

Beamur · 17/11/2011 11:04

No. Never occurred to us or her.
DSD actually picked it.

othersideofchannel · 17/11/2011 11:16

My own mum and I get on very well and share the same taste, so yes, I actually asked for her opinion when we named our children. I agree with Hecate above in that I feel while my mum has no 'entitlement' to a say (in any matters of our life), I actually want to hear her opinion Smile.

startail · 17/11/2011 11:20

It's the only think my normally totally hands off Family did interfere with.
I suggested calling DD2 after my late MIL, who I loved and died while I was pregnant.
Unfortunately they all fell about laughing because MILs lovely real first name (for some reason she always used her second) was that of a very annoying female celeb.
I wish I'd stuck to my guns, because they are very rarely on TV now and DDs actual name is irritatingly common.

LePruneDeMaTante · 17/11/2011 11:22

Yes, my mum made suggestions and argued quite strongly for them, but not in a serious way. My grandmother did the same but only for a girl's name. She only had a boy, so I suppose it was the name she'd have wanted for her own daughter.

But after we named the baby, MIL made another suggestion Shock which was a clear 'I dislike the name you have chosen' and no mistake!

EauRouge · 17/11/2011 11:29

My mum suggested Helena for DD2 seemingly forgetting that DD1 is called Eleanor.

Hulababy · 17/11/2011 11:31

No!

Neither my parents not my PILs expressed a desire to name our child. They had their chance when they had children!

The parent's get to chose - noone else!

We simply told parents what our child was likely to be called when we had decided and confirmed it when she was born. Neither said anything negative whatsoever.

smileitssunny · 17/11/2011 12:06

We kept our list of names secret at dH's insistence. I'm glad now, though it was really awkward at the time.