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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Does your mum expect to have a say in your child's name?

73 replies

Meta4 · 16/11/2011 22:07

Because it transpires that mine does!

I feel bad ranting, because I have a really good relationship with my DM. She's been really good to us - but I draw the line at name-dictation!

She however thinks she should have a say, because it's her grandchild.

But I think she's had her time to name her three children, and this is my time to name mine.

Anyone in a similar position?

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sandyballs · 17/11/2011 12:12

My mum called my nephew Daniel for the first year of his life, he is called sam . She preferred Daniel? My dd was referred to as Sofia rather than sophie as mum thought it was more exotic. She's nuts

wigglesrock · 17/11/2011 13:03

When I mentioned a few names I was thinking about my mum did reply "Oh I'm not sure about that" but she was sharply told "had your chance with me and my sister".

Although I did quite like a name and mentioned it to her and she was very non-commital either way about it, which was most unlike her , turned out it was the name of a family member who had a lot of tragedy in her life (I didn't know her), so we nic nayed that one.

sandyballs I have a Sofia, for the first 3 months my Mum couldn't pronounce it

Pancakeflipper · 17/11/2011 13:08

My MIL (I do love her but she is abit bonkers) wrote us a list of names she liked. I read it and nodded politely and said " ooh that's nice." at a few of them.

She did actually pick the name of my BIL's child. But he's a mummys boy and his partner ( now ex) would let MIL do anything because she kissed her ass so much.

feetheart · 17/11/2011 13:10

Only thing DM and DMiL insisted on was that we DIDN'T call any DD after them - Margaret and Edith respectively. We happily agreed :)

chipmonkey · 17/11/2011 13:15

MIL always tried to stick her oar in but was always told where to go. FIL always wanted the boys to be called after him ( and dh) but I don't really believe in calling people after other people and in the end ds2 was called another name which was not the same but too similar for us to ever consider FIL's name.
When we names dd Sylvie-Rose, he asked "Who's that after?" and then called her Silvery Road.

phlossie · 17/11/2011 13:27

My MIL could be overheard telling DH the names she liked AFTER our first baby was born and named!

What are her choices like? Do you like them? Let her go for it - listen to her ideas and don't disregard them because she's annoying you, iyswim, and then name your baby yourself! Simple.

My mum has made some crazy suggestions this time (Merlin?). I do find it a little bit irritating, I have to say. But she's only trying to help - and she's an insomniac so she likes thinking about it in the wee hours when she can't sleep, and I don't begrudge her that.

lumpymash · 17/11/2011 14:40

No! We found everyone mentioned names to us when I was pregnant though. It's just people trying to be helpful isn't?

Make sure it's clear to her though - it doesn't actually matter if she likes/loves the name you pick for baby or hates it!
Your mum had her turn.

My mum hates our DC name, but she respects that he's OUR baby.

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 17/11/2011 14:43

yes she did with his surname and informed me that at 19 as a single parent living on maternity allowance ( £90 odd a week) she would be taking £60 a week from me if i gave him his father's name. she won. i couldn't live off £30 a week supporting myself and a baby.

TheLastChocolate · 17/11/2011 14:51

My mum did this when I was pregnant with PFB. She hated pretty much every name DH and I mentioned, took great personal offense as if we had slighted her dignity with perfectly fine names and kept suggesting names that she liked. Martha was the most recent suggestion...

Psammead · 17/11/2011 15:20

No, she doesn't. But I take her opinions into consideration. She's a fairly good reaction barometer.

PotteringAlong · 17/11/2011 15:29

Feetheart - my DH is here laughing and feeling vindicated as if this DC is a DD those were my 2 favourite names! DH has firmly used his power of veto :o . He's now looking chuffed and says it's further evidence of him being right :o

FantasticDay · 17/11/2011 15:40

My MIL left a long answerphone message at our home when I was still in hospital begging us not to call our son the name we had chosen and citing all the people she had consulted who also didn't like it. I was almost in tears when we went down the corridor and the hospital to register his name (whe stuck to our guns!)
. (She likes it now )

lumpymash · 17/11/2011 16:09

Boohoo and Fantastic that's awful! :(

lumpymash · 17/11/2011 16:10

booyhoo sorry. Stupid iPad auto correct.

kenobi · 17/11/2011 16:18

My DM suggested Clover for this pregnancy but would never insist.

My very autocratic GM (mum's MiL) told my mother that I was to be named something very simple, like Jane or Kate and that was that. DM completely ignored her and called me one of the fanciest names you can imagine. GM informed her when I was born that she would never call me by 'that name'.

Guess what - she did. Because, strangely enough, it was the name I answered too.

I adored her but she must have been a nightmare MiL...

Aaanyway, do what you want OP!

MarKettle · 17/11/2011 16:19

When I was expecting DS and we were discussing names my Mum would say "Oh no, you can't have that" at some names, or say "Oh yes, that one is okay" to others.

She really seemed to think any name she said "no" to would be discounted by DH and me, purely because she wasn't keen! Or she'd say "How about Stanley? I think you should go with that..."

TheLastChocolate · 17/11/2011 16:30

MarKettle your mum and my mum are definitely of the same stock!

Kenobi I really want to know what your name is!

mathanxiety · 17/11/2011 16:32

She ventured a few suggestions that were truly awful (Roberta, Stacey and the like) and I said , each time. She and dad didn't have a girl's name picked out for me so my aunt eventually named me. I played my cards close to my chest and named the youngest after her in the end, which horrified her.

If your mum seems really adamant, don't discuss names and try to fob her off if she brings up the topic.

kenobi · 17/11/2011 16:36

Think Harry Potter

ShesAStar · 17/11/2011 16:50

My mother never wanted to name our child but if we ever mentioned the names we were thinking of she would tell us how common they were, laugh at them or just sneer/look at us like we were mad.

With this baby I am only telling her the name once it's born. I still hold a grudge that I was put off the name I really wanted to call DS because DM's best friend worked in a primary school and apparently the name was so common there were three in one class. I have never met anyone with the name before or since.

NotJustKangaskhan · 17/11/2011 16:58

My mum did. She kept trying to have me use the name Elizabeth... regardless that it's my middle name and my SIL's name.

I did allow my grandfather a say in the current baby's naming, but that's because I want to name the baby after him

Now my mum and in-laws just come up with annoying nicknames that they use to refer to them though none have thankfully sticked (for example, my DD1's middle name is Salome, in-laws kept saying it like Salami and FIL calls her "slices" as in slices of...).

kenobi · 17/11/2011 17:05

NotJust - that would annoy me...

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 17/11/2011 17:19

We refused to share our chosen names with anyone (and I mean anyone) until LO was born, we didn't know what we were having. DM was very cross and said she 'needed time to get used to it' before PFB arrived!! WTF??
The weekend before I went into labour, DM kept referring to bump as 'little x' and spookily had got the name right. I don't know how she did it as he's not named after anyone and we never told a soul, but I didn't tell her at the time she was right.
It was lovely having something that just me and DP knew, and every night we'd say 'Goodnight little (boys name), goodnight little (girls name)'.

Just say something non-commital like 'maybe' or 'thats nice', then just do whatever you want. She'll get over it!!

PamBeesly · 17/11/2011 17:22

She knows better! she keep mentioning her own name despite her knowing we are having a BOY! I'd look wonderful wouldn't I introducing my son, Catherine

Original poster

Meta4 · 17/11/2011 17:28

Thanks all.

I did wake up feeling really guilty this morning as I've never ranted about my mum before. I think it was just the way she came out with it yesterday - I was getting my toddler DD to say the boy's name of one of her friends (just because it's cute when she says it!) and my mum pulled a face and said "that's not one on your list, it's it?" (it wasn't) and I said no, but even if it was it wasn't for her to slate it. She said "Er - I will have my say, it's my grandchild!" I replied with "Exactly - your grandchild, not your child" and then tuned out of the rant that ensued.

I just felt really ratty and upset after - she's not normally like that and I usually sing her praises for being so reasonable. On the odd occasion she acts like this I feel like she's been possessed by one of those nightmare dragon mothers!

I'm sure too that if I told her my MIL was trying to dictate about names, she'd have a problem with it!

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