DH hates DS's name. Fan-bloody-tastic.

[oldnavy]

DS is two months old and perfect. We argued pretty much non-stop over names while I was pregnant as I had a favorite and DH had a favorite. In the end, DH decided I should get to choose because I'd be the one in labor.

We gave DS the name Xavier Sacha (Xavier being my choice and Sacha his - both old family names but not really used anymore, iyswim?) We both agreed it was the right name and everything was great.

Since, DH has confessed that he hates the name Xavier but went along with it simply because I loved it and I was the one giving birth. He says that he dislikes it so much that he hopes people won't ask him what DS's name is and sometimes, if they're random people in the street, he just makes up a name.

I suggested we can call DS Sacha or find a nn that DH likes but he now "doesn't like Sacha anymore and there's not a nn for Xavier that I would ever use."

Sorry this is turning into a bit of a rant but I'm just angry that he waited until NOW, after DS is registered, to tell me this. Why couldn't he have said earlier instead of now, when everyone knows DS's name and it's become "his"?!

I'm also pissed because Xavier is my favorite name and now we might have to change it. So, I'm begging asking for help! Does anyone have a nn we could use that ISN'T Xav/Xavy/Xander? Or do we have to change? I really don't want to change it...

Sorry, I havn't any advice, just wanted to say that Xander is a fab name.

Ive also heard of an Alsander

Has your DH even given you an idea of what he does like now?

Alex/ Alec/ alexis?
Lex?
Henry? ( have vague though that Spanish Javier is Henry?)
Some version of his initials- not XS, maybe S surname initial?
Junior?

Sorry you're having to got through this. If I could give your DH some advice, it would be to grow up and realise that your son is more than just a name. After another while he will just be him and his name will be irrelevant. Far too much importance placed on names.

Recall, I like Xander but DH doesn't. Alsander is nice but reminds me too much of Alexander, which I don't particularly like.

Mitzi, He does like Sam. Our dog is called Sam.

But you asked for advice, so why not choose a name or nickname that you both like and call him that, irrespective of what is written on the birth certificate. It doesn't have to be related to Xavier. I know of people of my grandparents' generation whose given name is nothing like their actual name. E.g. Rebecca = Ruby

What other names do you like?

Well I don't think he should not tell people your DS's name. Just because he doesn't like it doesn't mean everyone else won't. It's a fab name.

Has he suggested a name he would like instead?

If he doesn't even like his own "favourite" anymore I don't think I'd really be going along with his whim that he hates Xavier, he hasn't shown himself to be consistent in his likes and dislikes.

So, if it were me, I'd say tough. It's your DS's name now, let him grow into it.

Just tell him to call him squigums or something :o

i agree that Xander is ace, also like Xavier but am always confused how to pronounce. I say zavee-ay but there is one at school who is ex-avier

Why don't you find another name that you both accept or is it too late to change?? I personally would not want to name my dc something that my dh hates so much... I also would not accept a name that my dh loves but I cannot stand.

Talking, Initials (with the X) would be SJ so I guess that's not so bad!

Bread, That is a good idea, I'm sure we could find something that we both like, I'm just mad at not being able to use Xavier tbh because I've obsessed over it since I was about 19 and I feel it's been wasted.

I like lots of names, and I do love Sacha and would be happy to use it if I had too but DH has gone off it. In 2 weeks time, he'll probably have gone off the new name too.

Befuzz, Zay-vee-r to us :)

Firstly congratulations on your little boy! For what it's worth I think Xavier Sacha is a great name! Am so sorry you're going through this...

Is this your 1st child? Do you think your husband is a bit freaked out by the whole thing and this is just a way of expressing that? I remember how stressful our first few months were with DS...parti. as there was little DH could do to help...so maybe he'll come to his senses and accept the name....

Have googled and the following nns came up:
X
Avi
Vee
Zay/Xay

Not sure this is of much help! I also love the name Sacha too...seems strange he now dislikes his choice too...what does he like?

In 2 weeks time, he'll probably have gone off the new name too. This is exactly why you shouldn't change it.

Can you maybe gather support from family/friends who like his name?

I have family members who named their ds John (for example) but they call him Sonny.

nn don't have to be related to the actual name imo.

sounds like your dh isn't going to like any name for very ling though just like me

*long not ling

Avi as a nickname?

This is exactly why we're having so many issues choosing a name for imminent dd2. We're in exactly the same situation. DH and I both have favourite names and we can't stand each other's. I was advised to hang fire and wait for the birth to announce that I was putting my foot down but what's happened to you is my fear.

My choice is a name I've loved since childhood too and it really upsets me not to be able to use it but you've served as a warning for me :(

TBH I wouldn't give your DH too much leeway. You've offered his choice which he has now rejected. DH was trying this trick on me, saying he liked a name then changing his mind when I offered to use it.

Give him the choice of Xander or Sacha. Otherwise you could be going round in circles for months. There comes a point when you have to move on.

Mont, Thank you! It is our first although he has a DD from a previous relationship which he helped name without a problem. I would prefer to find a nn than change the name tbh, Zay is nice, I like that :)

Imp, Looking at it all written down, it does seem stupid to consider changing it because of that. If he changes his mind again in a few weeks then I'm stuck with a name I dislike for no reason...

Oh dear, what a horrible fight to be having. :( I think you were a little naive to think he would suddenly accept Xavier when he'd already expressed his disdain.

I believe you've up to a year to figure it out. My boyfriend and I have polar opposite tastes so I printed out some lists and ringed. The ones I liked, he did the same. We've narrowed it down to fewer than 5 now.

The only middle ground I see with your current two is Alex or Alexander.

Good luck and open those communication lines.

Oh, thread moved while I was typing.

Gwen, Congrats on your DD2! I really hope your DH lets you have the name you love and falls in love with it himself.

if he really hates the name that much, I would change it. Get him to give you 3 names he likes and see if you like any of them.

Don't change it! It's his name, and you like it, and your DH agreed!

I think you should definitely not let him choose a new one in case he goes off that too.

(If I got rid of anything I'd get rid of the Sacha as although I know it's a boy's name it sounds like a girl's name. )

It sounds manipulative and a bit mean of me but I think in your position I'd ask him to think of a new one, then when he announced it say: "Well as you were that sure about Sacha and then changed your mind, lets write it down and leave it a couple of months to make sure you still feel the same about it." Repeat x 5 and that should get you past the year

A couple of months down the line and he will have heard quite a few people say "Oh what a lovely name!" and realise it is indeed lovely.

You could have gone with his choice and he'd hate it now too!

I think Xavier is the baby's name and he's just going to have to accept it - calling the baby Sacha or a nn like Xavi/Zay are both very reasonable compromises.

DP and I both agreed on DS's name (it was literally the only name both of us liked, but neither of our favourite names) but for a while after he was born I didn't feel it was quite right and referred to him as "The Baby" for ages But, he's 1 now and it is perfectly his name and he couldn't be anything else. As a child grows they become their name, and it is less relevant whether you like the name or not - you love the child.

I hated DD2s name and felt pressured into it. When she was about 3 weeks old, we started calling her by another name and it totally called my bluff. I couldn't call her anything but her original name because it was hers. I felt like I was asking for a new baby iyswim. Risky strategy, but maybe let him try using another name for a week and see if it sticks?