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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

DH hates DS's name. Fan-bloody-tastic.

68 replies

oldnavy · 12/11/2011 14:23

DS is two months old and perfect. We argued pretty much non-stop over names while I was pregnant as I had a favorite and DH had a favorite. In the end, DH decided I should get to choose because I'd be the one in labor.

We gave DS the name Xavier Sacha (Xavier being my choice and Sacha his - both old family names but not really used anymore, iyswim?) We both agreed it was the right name and everything was great.

Since, DH has confessed that he hates the name Xavier but went along with it simply because I loved it and I was the one giving birth. He says that he dislikes it so much that he hopes people won't ask him what DS's name is and sometimes, if they're random people in the street, he just makes up a name.

I suggested we can call DS Sacha or find a nn that DH likes but he now "doesn't like Sacha anymore and there's not a nn for Xavier that I would ever use."

Sorry this is turning into a bit of a rant but I'm just angry that he waited until NOW, after DS is registered, to tell me this. Why couldn't he have said earlier instead of now, when everyone knows DS's name and it's become "his"?!

I'm also pissed because Xavier is my favorite name and now we might have to change it. So, I'm begging asking for help! Does anyone have a nn we could use that ISN'T Xav/Xavy/Xander? Or do we have to change? I really don't want to change it...

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BluddyMoFo · 14/11/2011 02:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImpYCelyn · 14/11/2011 08:23

Just take his grumpy "It's fine, Xavier is fine, call him whatever, I don't want to talk about this again." as his final agreement that all is fine. Don't mention it again, and if he does just say pleasantly "we've already discussed it, and you were happy to stick with Xavier" and leave it at that. Done.

But don't bring it up again, in any way. It's his issue, not yours.

beatofthedrum · 14/11/2011 08:47

If it's any comfort, I think he has a totally beautiful name! Nicest name I've ever read on baby name section. Don't let anything spoil it for you. Baby Xavier sounds fantastic :)

ShoutyHamster · 15/11/2011 11:51

Given what you've said about your DH, DON'T change it.

Yes I usually say that someone who isn't sure should just change... but your DH doesn't sound angst-ridden and unhappy - just indecisive and crap at this.

It's your first baby - I bet 99% of the 'I don't like it now' has more to do with the odd sensation of actually HAVING the baby there BEING A PERSON WITH A NAME.

He's all at sea.

Stick with Xavier, and knock this calling the baby other names thing firmly on the head. That's crap, he's not to do it, totally ridiculous. He needs to use the name and get used to it (and then, in six months, if he really can't, maybe then it's time to talk about changing it).

MmeLindor. · 15/11/2011 11:56

Ignore the grumpy sod.

I am quite cross on behalf of your baby. How dare your DH not tell people the name of his son, or make up a different name?

Xavier is a cool name. If you change it, how will you know that your DH won't decide in 6 months that he doesn't like Jack/William/Harry?

Smadarama · 15/11/2011 12:05

Personally I like Xavier -it's a great name - what about Xavi as a diminutive? (My DS would be very impressed as he loves FC Barcelona & there's a famous player with that name).

Xavielli · 15/11/2011 12:44

Congratulations on your Xavier!

I have a Xavier too (Zah-Vee-r, is how we say it) and I can kind of see where your DH is coming from in that it is a big name for a baby. I remember telling people his name and them mishearing 'Oh, Samuel.. how lovely' and not bothering to correct them. But he soon grew into it when we got to see his personality it suits him down to the ground.

I don't think you should change it just because your DH has changed his mind. It seems he is just trying to rock the boat.

KATTT · 15/11/2011 12:51

Apologies I haven't read the whole thread. But we were in a similar situation - has someone pointed out that you can ADD a name to the front of their name within a year after their birth??

realhousewife · 15/11/2011 13:04

I think you are not looking at the practical aspects of a name beginning with an X, as there are so many pronunciations.

Having been through the primary school stage, it's just so much easier when children have a straightforward name that everyone understands.

Alexander is a Great name for a boy - you can call him 'Xander', Dad can call him Alex. I think this is a big one for a Dad, if we had a boy I would have let his Dad make the decision on the name.

Don't be too precious about this, going with the mainstream doesn't mean your child has no individuality. Having a mainstream name means he can make his own mark on his name.

realhousewife · 15/11/2011 13:05

I think you are not looking at the practical aspects of a name beginning with an X, as there are so many pronunciations.

Having been through the primary school stage, it's just so much easier when children have a straightforward name that everyone understands.

Alexander is a Great name for a boy - you can call him 'Xander', Dad can call him Alex. I think this is a big one for a Dad, if we had a boy I would have let his Dad make the decision on the name.

Don't be too precious about this, going with the mainstream doesn't mean your child has no individuality. Having a mainstream name means he can make his own mark on his name.

realhousewife · 15/11/2011 13:08

Ooops!

thisisyesterday · 15/11/2011 13:11

i think you should stick with the name.
as others have said, you could have gone with his name choice and he still wouldnm't like it now!

if he felt that strongly then he should have said so before he was registered.

i am sure he can come up with a pet name or nickname for him

MotherPanda · 15/11/2011 13:12

I have heard of Alex being used for Xavier, don't change it unless he knows there is a name he realy likes instead.

Dillydollydaydream · 15/11/2011 13:15

Xavier is ds1 middle name. I think it's lovely, don't change it :)

Catsycat · 15/11/2011 15:44

Xavier is a lovely name IMO. Your DH has had his chance for input when you agreed on the name before registering, TBH he just sounds like he's being flaky. If he would start telling people the baby's real name (not Jack!), then maybe he would get used to it, start associating it with your DS, and grow to like it IYSWIM. He has said to leave it now, so don't mention it again unless he does something to bring it up - after all it isn't you who has the problem with it. I agree with some of the other comments, I generally wouldn't advise anyone to change the name once it was registered and agreed on (the mother or father).

reallacecurtains · 03/12/2011 06:45

I love Xavier - more so than Sacha.

We swapped around dd's 2 names on her birth cert before she was 1, and it was me who was the culprit! As dd was born early, we kind of rushed giving her a name, and then I just decided her 2nd name was far prettier and suited her more than the first name. I also found out her original first name was a rude word in some languages and I felt awkward using it with people I assumed were of a certain background so I understand how your dh might feel. It did become rather an obsession of mine until we swapped it around.

At one point, when dd was about 7 months old, dh and I were calling her different names. Think dh may still harbour negative feelings about the change,though, as he sometimes still mentions it at angry moments.

However, if this has been your loved name since you were 19, does your dh have a name he loves as strongly? What does he like? Xav or Zay could be a very cool nn as suggested above. Is there a form of this name he likes?

All the best - I know how this can feel but you can find a solution!

reallacecurtains · 03/12/2011 06:53

oops, just read that your dh says it's fine. Leave it then and don't rock the boat. My dh is similar - goes along with things for an easy life sometimes and then changes his mind/ says what he really feels. Really annoying - far better to be honest from the start!

HoldTouchEngage · 03/12/2011 10:35

I am so pleased your DH has said it's 'fine' and i'm sure once ds grows into his name with his own unique character to boot, your DH will love it!

Xavier Sacha is absolutley adorable i love it - i could steal it almost, but fear not for my OH would never agree

Our ds is Gabriel and the messages, comments etc we got from family before his arrival were quite shocking. Although i know alot of people think of the name to be becoming more common it certainly wasn't amongst our family / colleagues. My colleagues were adamantly trying to suggest more 'accepable and normal names' and my family 'you can't call him that, he'll get called Gay, puffy blah blah.

However two years on and everyone loves it, he really couldn't be anything else. Anything more 'normal' just wouldnt be him. Yeah sure we still get raised eyebrows when we call his name, or people ask him his name - BUT thats his name and i LOVE IT!

KEEP IT!!!!

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