DH hates DS's name. Fan-bloody-tastic.

[oldnavy]

DS is two months old and perfect. We argued pretty much non-stop over names while I was pregnant as I had a favorite and DH had a favorite. In the end, DH decided I should get to choose because I'd be the one in labor.

We gave DS the name Xavier Sacha (Xavier being my choice and Sacha his - both old family names but not really used anymore, iyswim?) We both agreed it was the right name and everything was great.

Since, DH has confessed that he hates the name Xavier but went along with it simply because I loved it and I was the one giving birth. He says that he dislikes it so much that he hopes people won't ask him what DS's name is and sometimes, if they're random people in the street, he just makes up a name.

I suggested we can call DS Sacha or find a nn that DH likes but he now "doesn't like Sacha anymore and there's not a nn for Xavier that I would ever use."

Sorry this is turning into a bit of a rant but I'm just angry that he waited until NOW, after DS is registered, to tell me this. Why couldn't he have said earlier instead of now, when everyone knows DS's name and it's become "his"?!

I'm also pissed because Xavier is my favorite name and now we might have to change it. So, I'm begging asking for help! Does anyone have a nn we could use that ISN'T Xav/Xavy/Xander? Or do we have to change? I really don't want to change it...

Firstly congratulations. I think you absolutely need to find another name that you BOTH like. There are thousands of names out there and it is only fair that both father and mother are happy with their son's name, especially given how strongly your dh feels about the name. He will otherwise always feel bad about it and regret not having changed it imo.

Good luck and I hope you both can find a compromise name that works for both of you!

p.s. I love Sacha, short for Alexander personally.

Well I think your DH needs to get over it. Let him call your DS "Zavvy" or "Buddy" or "Buster", or some other nickname which could be used for anybody, and stick with Xavier.

I think men can be quite tactless...DH got some ribbing about DS2s name from colleagues, and asked "is it a family name, then" by bemused people when he was born. His name is now in the top 10, or 20, or something, and everybody loves his name! Do you think your DH could have had some negative comments when telling people your DSs name, which has put him off?

Does your son have a second name? Would that be an ok compromise to maybe consider using his second name as an everyday name?

READ THE OP PROPERLY!

There is no way I would consider changing it. Your DH can call the baby whatever he wants - mine generally calls DS monkey - but he has his name, it was agreed on, it's registered and that's that.

I had a little sympathy for your DH unti I read the "doesn't like Sacha anymore" comment. If he's that fickle then you might as well stick with the name that you love.

We nearly changed ds name when he was about 3 months old and only didn't because there was nothing else we could agree on. He is 2 soon and the name totally fits now. Ride it out.

Tell him he's a day late and a dollar short and he needs to get over himself.

You had an agreement and you expect him to abide by it and forever hold his peace.

I find it rather strange he couldn't tell you how he felt earlier.

I have friends who adopted two children with very distinct names which would never have been their choices but they now never considered changing them -the DCs were 4 and 6.

He didn't want Xavier then changed his mind to allow it then changed his mind again after the baby has had the name for two months. He also wanted Sasha enough that it is babys middlename but has also changed his mind about that? Sorry but I would tell him to grow the fuck up and think of a nickname - oh and give you peace. There is enough to think about with a young baby without this nonsense.

Dh chose dd4 name, 6 years on I'm still not keen on it, but it suits her, it's her name.

Just ride it out.

Get him to 1. Pick a name and 2. Write it down

Ride it out for the next few months, looking for a nickname in the meantime. Then revisit the name on the bit of paper.

I'm surprised so many people saying don't change the name. When mums ask similar questions the reply usually is change it now while he is still so young. I think the name is nice but it doesn't matter what anyone here thinks. It would bother me that he was embarrassed to tell people his sons name.

He has been a bit of a knob, but he made a mistake. Probably with sweet motivation. I would find a compromise and change it.

No way should you change it. It's his name. How bloody weird would it be to find out at age 18 that you used to be called something else but your parents changed their minds? Flakey or what.

Personally I would change the name. Your DH needs to like it too.

I don't like the name Xavier by the way. It's one of those names that isn't to everybody's taste.

Do you know what, I'm not entirely sure about DD's name. I like it, but I'm not sure if it's a bit too posh or something for me. It's her name now though.

The reasons to advise not giving in are that

1. this man can only come up with the name of the dog as an alternative, and
2. he doesn't even like the mn that he himself suggested
3. neither the OP nor the H would budge on names while she was pregnant

None of which suggests he will be able to come up with something reasonable that he likes and that the OP can agree to.

Your son will make whatever name he has his own.

People will grow to love his name as it represents his personality. Trust your son to make his name the most beautiful name. Have faith in him. You, your dh and countless other people will come to love his name, because it means him.

I wasn't sure about my ds's name, but now think it is the best and only right and fitting name for a ds, he has made it for me.

I wouldn't advise the woman to change it if it was the other way round. I think once you've registered the name that's your job done, it's no longer your business. Which is why I've had such trouble debating a name with DH. It needs to be the best it can because I don't think there is any going back on it.

In your situation I wouldn't change it. What I would do is slip another middle name in of his choice, when he tells random people a made-up name what is the name? I suspect he says a fairly traditional name like James or Thomas?

I'd sit down and ask him what is actually bothering him. Sounds more than just disliking the name, to be honest.

And if it is just the name, I wouldn't change it, at least not yet. Give him a chance to make his name his own!

We have a Xavier so ob I LOVE it he is know to us as either Xavier or Vee.
His friends call him Vee, Zay, Zayvee or a derivative of his surname.

SirBoobALot, I think you are right. Something is biting this man and the name is maybe just a smoke screen.

Ohhhhh Sacha. Love love LOVE it.

[no help at all]

Oh wow, thanks for all your posts.

I've spoken to DH and asked his reasons for not liking Xavier and what name he would suggest but he said "It's fine, Xavier is fine, call him whatever, I don't want to talk about this again." We're just going round in circles.

Twitterer, He says he just uses whichever name comes to mind but usually Jack, which was his dad's name but also BIL's name so we couldn't really use that.

DS is Xavier to me, I know he's little and it's not like he's made the name his own yet or anything but I just can't imagine him having a different name. Kinda feels like I'd be getting a new baby!

I think we'll just end up going down the nn route and using Xav, Xay or something similar or we'll still be arguing by the time DS turns 1!