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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

DSs sharing a name?

80 replies

rihannaray · 31/01/2011 03:19

When i was pg with DS we couldn't decide wether to call him Samuel (DH's choice) or Xavier (my choice.) We thought ok, we'll call him Samuel and keep Xavier incase we have another one in the future.

After a very difficult birth the docs said it looked like I'd never be able to carry another baby. So, still desperate to use my name choice, we named him Samuel Xavier Lastname.

Just found out, 4 years later, that I was pg again and it's another DS. I still really want to use Xavier and don't think it really matters that they'll share the name, it's no different than dads and sons having the same name, is it? DH thinks it's too weird, ILs agree with him and I'm starting to question myself now. Is it weird?

OP posts:

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ReformedCharacter · 31/01/2011 03:48

On first thoughts it does seem a tad strange, but actually I think I'd go ahead in your circumstances.

Plus, I love the name Xavier

BuntyPenfold · 31/01/2011 09:44

I wouldn't say it was weird exactly, but I think your eldest may feel a bit robbed, and your youngest a bit unoriginal.
As if you can't think of anything else, if you see what I mean.

I love the name Xavier too though so I sympathise.

GandalfyCarawak · 31/01/2011 09:45

I think it's a nice idea providing Xavier's middle name will be Samuel.

MollysChambers · 31/01/2011 09:51

Two of my kids share a middle name because we couldn't think of anything else it meant so much to us. I don't think it's weird.

If it was a family name it would be more acceptable I suppose.

Am presuming you don't call DS1 by his full name when addressing him though?

PorkChopSter · 31/01/2011 09:54

Bit strange, sorry. Xavier is your DS1's name.

Hedwig3 · 31/01/2011 09:54

I think that there is such a special story behind it for you to tell your sons (and they are the ones that matter) that it would be fine.

Congratulations

snowpeas · 31/01/2011 10:10

Exactly the same happened with my cousin, she thought her DD would be her last so she used her two favourite names but then along came DD2.

She gave DD2 the same first name as DD1's middle name and the girl's love it. They have no issues and think it's special. Both girls are in their teens now too so not likely to suddenly change their minds about it.

Middle names are rarely used anyway so if you love Xavier then go with it

sophiesmummie · 31/01/2011 11:28

In my opinion Xavier already 'belongs' to your DS1. There must be another name you love - have a look at the ONS statistics from last year - thousands of lovely names on there .

justmilkpleasenosugar · 31/01/2011 12:34

It's a tough one, i'll give you that...! Part of me thinks, you have already used Xavier for your DS1 and it's his name. Why not ask your DS1 what he thinks? Afterall he's 4 yrs and no doubt excited about having a new brother, he might be happy to share his name...??
Or maybe you could suggest he helps pick DS2 name or middle name instead. It maybe would also make him feel involved and still special....

What about calling your DS2 Alexander (full name) and having Ander as his nn???

Bucharest · 31/01/2011 12:39

Loads of siblings have the same middle names don't they? So I don't see how one having it as a mn and one as a first name should be an issue.

Here loads of girls are called Maria Something while their sisters are called Maria Something Else.

rachel234 · 31/01/2011 12:52

"Loads of siblings have the same middle names"

Really ?!

RueLaChesty · 31/01/2011 13:24

hmm, i see why you would want to do it, but DS2 might see it as your 2nd fave name as otherwise you'd have named DS1 that and not used it as middle name IYSWIM?

If it were me I'd have a think about another name.

i had a similar issue in that when i was pg with DD1 i had one name, it was my favourite girls name. When trying to think of a name for DD2 nothing seemed special enough. It was really difficult. In the end, after a difficult birth, we named her after my late gran and it suits her perfectly!

You will find the perfect name!

Rosie29 · 31/01/2011 13:26

My sister had the same problem, gave dd1 her favourite names and then had dd2. She agonised for days and in the end used dd1's middle name for dd2. Nobody ever mentions it, no big deal in my opinion as middle names, especially in the UK, are hardly ever used. HTH

TwistAndShout · 31/01/2011 13:29

I think you should use it. It won't matter at all and you will probably regret it forever if you don't.

anamaria22 · 31/01/2011 13:48

I feel that every child deserves their 'own' names. Would you use your first child's name as middle name for DS2?

Housemum · 31/01/2011 13:51

How often do you ever use DS1's middle name? If you don't then go for it - DD3 has a similar name to DD2's middle name (one Emily one Amelie) but no one has ever commented, because DD2's middle name is never used.

sparkle12mar08 · 31/01/2011 14:30

Think very carefully about this, it has the potential for huge upset and distress at a later point. My parents had a still born child two years before me, I had always known about this but somehow had the impression that her name was Sarah. I later found out (after a very drunken evening with my dad a little while after my mum had died) that they had in fact named her Kathryn - MY NAME. Your name is your identity, to find out it's not actually yours is very upsetting. It had huge fall out for me and my dad, on top of my mum's recent death, and frankly was still an issue between us when he died a few years later too. I know all the logical, rational reasons for it, but it simply felt that they didn't actually want me for myself, but wanted her back instead. That I didn't matter, that I was simply a vehicle for a name.

Please don't do it.

rachel1970 · 31/01/2011 14:46

sparkle, sorry to hear about your experience. You make a very good point. A name is much more for a child - it is his/her identity. In answer to the OP I think your DS2 deserves his very own names.

nancythenaughtyfairy · 31/01/2011 14:47

That's so sad sparkle, but op's situation is very different. I think it's fine to use Xavier again, it will make it a family name and most people never even get to know the middle names anyway.

FreudianSlippery · 31/01/2011 14:50

I wouldn't personally. It seems a bit unfair to your eldest.

TallulahDoesTheHula · 31/01/2011 14:52

If your DS is 4 then he's old enough to ask about it. He'll probably like the idea if you put it to him as 'do you think it would be nice if we named the new baby after you?'
Or even add a middle name to DS1's name at the same time as naming the new baby so DS1 gets a new name as well as DS2 sharing his name?!?

evamummy · 31/01/2011 14:54

Please give your DS2 his very own names. I agree that a name is part of your identity and it wouldn't seem fair on your DS1 if he has to share one of his names.

FreudianSlippery · 31/01/2011 16:35

"He'll probably like the idea if you put it to him as 'do you think it would be nice if we named the new baby after you?'"

That is quite manipulative IMO. A 4yo can't possibly understand the full implications of it, and will probably just answer what they think the parents want to hear.

Grabaspoon · 31/01/2011 16:41

Could you possibly give him a diff first name and then Xavier as a middle name then call him Xavier.

Then he has his own name and also neither child says "why is Xavier, Xavier when it's my name" - it is in fact both childs name but only 1 uses it.

Eglu · 31/01/2011 16:44

I think in your circumstances that it is perfectly okay.

I don't think it is too wierd.

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