Wobbleing....My Father (ie: grandfather to be) is not happy with possible baby name!

[Highlandgirl]

Hi all,

Long story so my apologize in advanace.

DH and I really really love a 'certain' girls name. The name isn't important.

My father however has 'gotta' wind of this name and needless to say he's not best pleased, and has been slagging me and the name off to the whole sodding family. I've been told it's old fashioned and shouldn't be used as a first name. He said much worse when I spoke with him on the phone, but to be honest his rudeness isn't the problem. It's that I'm now starting to wobble over a name I've wanted since I'm been about 15.

I should also mention, the name in question is my middle name, my grandmothers middle name and my great-grandmother's first name. My father gave me this name so I don't understand the problem.

DH doesn't understand why I'm worried about what my father thinks, as 'you've never listened to your father, why start now'..

I'm now concerned about using this name...! Esp if baby arrives and it look nothing like 'the name'. First time Mum here and clearly over thinking things... However I don't wish to upset my father nor fall out with him as this is his first grandchild.

Any advance would be great.

My mother objected to the name we wanted for dd. But she had a fairly good reason and she didn't behave like that! We didn't use the name so I'm all for taking genuine thoughts on board but he sounds nightmarish and I think, given that it's your middle name etc anyway I would ignore him and go ahead with it.

But everyone else will say to hell with him

Don't discuss it at all, with anyone apart from your DP until the baby is here.

Just say that you haven't decided and are waiting until the baby arrives.

You've posted this in two places because...

If you love the name it sounds like you'd regret not choosing it?

Do you think your father would come round to the name once he associates it with his grandchild?

Could there be something else he is not telling you, some reason in family history which means the name has some negative associations for him?

She's your baby. Call her what YOU want to call her. If your father's willing to fall out with you over that, then he's being ridiculous.
You could try to talk to him calmly about it, if he'll listen. Find out why he's got such a massive objection, especially since he gave you the same name. Perhaps it brings back upsetting memories of people he's lost? In which case you could try to get him to see that you're keeping their memories alive?

If you want it, use it.

It's not anyone else's choice. He's named his children, now it's your turn to name yours.

Simples. [smiles]

Marnies because it's an issue with my father so posted it in 'Relationships' as well as 'names'

Thank you everyone...I do hate doubting myself. Should listen to DH (annoying he's normally right...

She's your child, and it's no-one else's business what you call her.

Don't try and please everyone - or indeed anyone else - because you'll spend the rest of your DD's life doing it. What are you going to say when he disagrees with your parenting decisions? You're the baby's parent, not him, so it's up to you.

Your choice. Ignore your father. He'll get over it, and if he doesn't that tells you all you need to know.

For future reference, never tell people your planned names as they are much less keen to criticise once the name's actually definite.

My MIL obviously hated ds's name (as she admits now) but within a couple of weeks she said she couldn't imagine him with any other name. Now she loves it.

So I'd say ignore your dad, he'll get used to the name

My Mum hated DC1's name and was quite vocal about it but we went ahead anyway and love it. Just recently in conversation with her she admitted that the name was right for him.

I didn't tell my father our name list, I let it slip to my grandmother...who has the same middle name. And she told my father, she promised she won't but she was so pleased that we like and wanted to use the name in her excitement she told him....thinking he would be please too!

Good to know at 86 years old, people still get it wrong!!!

When you have a close relationship with your father, these things are important. But when you have your baby that relationship changes. I think you're right it is nothing to do with the name, but everything to do with your relationship with him. Having a baby of your own is the very visible representation of that changing status, that you are no longer his little girl, nor even your husband's wife, but that you are now a mother, who has absolute autonomy in her sphere, a place where he has no automatic rights. I think he's trying to hold on to the old relationship a little, and you're maybe just slightly afraid to step out into that new one yourself? It's okay to feel that way, truly, but you also need to embrace your new role, your are your child's mother - hear you roar! If you want this particular name, for all the reasons you've said, it's your right to choose it.

Sparkle wise words...and very good advance!

Thank you all, feeling much better.

^No, I'm an inquisitive bugger too maryz!!! Please do tell highlandgirl!!!
I also think you should name you DD the name especially as you've loved it since such a young age, plus it's a family name that has meaning and you clearly love it to bits! It's yours and DH's decision no one else's, so they can all sod off!!! xox

If you've got a while yet to go one way to manage this is to think of a really outrageous name (or several) and say you are thinking about that/those instead. That way when you call your baby the original name your father will just be relived (plus it takes the heat off for now). I've not done this myself (we didn't tell anyone the names until our children had arrived, and I think dh registered them the day after) but I've seen people here who have.

(No - you're not alone - I'd like to know what the name is too.) But I can't understand why your Dad is being so vocal about it when it's a name you were given by him in the first place .

Oh - and a wobble is normal. All it takes is a raised eyebrow, or for someone comment on how nice the middle name you are considering is - to make you wobble.

We wobbled with DD2 and then stuck with it - and really glad we did - she couldn't be called anything else.

oh this old problem.

old people arent good judges of what is a normal name for a child.

I was told that Archie was hilarious. Nobody was called Archie except old men in Scottish nursing homes. You know the kind of nonsense? from people who haven't traipsed through mtoher and toddler groups, creches, pre-schools, primary schools etc.

But they know better than you do, they think.

If it's a girl we'd like to name her:

Honor Catherine

Honor is a family name on my side and Catherine is MIL.

My father thinks Honor isn't suitable as a first name...! Middle name only.

So what do you all think then...?

Honor Catherine is a lovely name. It is really nothing to do with your father, will your DD be called Honor or is there a NN you plan on using that your father may like more?

Nextchapter oh bless you, thanks.

No just Honor!

Its a lovely name, its classic without sounding dull. I am a big fan. Maybe your mum could have a word with your dad? Make him see sense perhaps. At the end of the day its your baby and if you love the name then so should he