Moved to NZ and can't see advantages

[Spaglol]

Hi

This isn't a NZ bash.

We recently moved to a city in NZ (family of - 2 kids primary aged). Moved on nov 2023. I know it's very early days.

I can see how beautiful it is and people are lovely and we've had really positive experiences with people.

But... I just don't think it's worth it for me / us. The house we are in is freezing and we are paying so much. The food is so expensive. And I feel so far away. There are so few jobs in my area.

I totally get this is all my view and the information was out there for me to read before but I didn't comprehend the reality of not having an Aldi and being able to get to Europe etc.

Our house in UK hasn't sold yet. I am starting to think we cut our losses and go back?

As I said, I'm not having a go at NZ, it is me.

I'm worried if we move so quickly again, I'll mess my kids up. That's my major concern.

Thanks for reading.

It is far too early to go back . Research indicates it takes at least 2 years to properly settle into a new country. You must of left the uk for a reason. Rent out your uk home . Give it 2 years then you can confidently have no regrets returning if you are still unhappy there .Your kids will still be young to adapt .

Part of the problem might be that you’re viewing this move as a way to address your issues about your childhood, which it can’t possibly do, as opposed to a fun family adventure.

You haven’t mentioned jobs, but assuming you/your partner have one I would do as a pp suggests. Rent out your UK house, tell yourself you’ll throw yourself into it for a year, so you’ve got an end point, your kids have a full NZ school year, you finish the lease on your house - and then see how you feel after that. You might find you’ve come to embrace the more relaxed NZ lifestyle and school system.

Oh and buy some heaters because if you’re cold in mid-summer winter will be miserable!

Doesn't sound like you were well-prepared for the move. Treat it like an extended holiday and come back. Would your DC's UK school still have spaces?

And I’m loving this idea that NZ is some kind of theme park that people don’t really live in. This must come as news to the 5million New Zealanders.

Can you define what real life is thanks , I’m intrigued.

I agree, an absolute load of nonsense. Also loving this idea that the South Island is cold in summer!!!! We generally have drier and hotter weather in summer than places like Auckland and Wellington, and the hottest ever temp recorded in NZ was in Canterbury.

Lol. That has just about got to the oddest statement I have ever read on here. Not real life FFS. Wonder if I can use that next time I muck up at work, “it’s ok cos it’s NOT REAL LIFE”. I can’t even begin to fathom your thinking around this.

Anyway OP. As someone else has said you arrived in NZ just prior to the long summer holidays so that has probably had a bit of an impact, particularly for school. Not sure where you are located that is so cold you are needing heaters etc at this time of the year. Your Landlord does has responsibility for heating and insulation, you can check this here: https://www.tenancy.govt.nz/maintenance-and-inspections/insulation-in-rental-properties/

Good luck and I hope things settle down for you.

Treat it as a family gap year and throw yourself into exploring a different place and a different culture. Agree with others that the timing was difficult moving close to summer, no real time to make friends before the massive school break. Once your kids get involved in school and activities I'm sure the dynamic will change.

It's a great country to live, work and bring up children, but as with anywhere there are downsides. We really are a long (and expensive) way from the rest of the world, 12 years in I still wince at the supermarket till, and a lot of housing is poor quality for the price.

If you do return to the UK, your kids are so young it's not likely to impact them, you'll have had an amazing adventure and also properly scratched the itch.

You have been there less than three months???

OP 3 months is short time but equally, you need to consider 'what' you don't like, and whether it aligns with your reason for moving.

If you moved because people are constantly shitting on the UK and bigging up Aus/NZ (with many doctors etc etc moving over) you might be sorely disappointed. As you've already found out the essentials of life are expensive. And it's so far away from anywhere else. Moving as an adult with children is very different from living the surfer life as a carefree 20 something.

Missing friends, missing familiar ways of doing things, all of that's normal and will pass.

Ultimately your kids are young enough that a year won't do them any harm. The main issue for me here would be a lack of jobs, is your OH earning well? If you do stay there long-term and can't get a job in your area, are you willing to change your entire career path just for the NZ dream?

Give it some time, but be aware of what you are assessing by. If you never tried you'd always wonder what if. Now you know. Whatever path you choose you've been brave so don't worry too much or beat yourself up over it!

I used to live in NZ. It took about a year to feel settled there. I did not live in a big city so it was easier to settle into the community. I had a job so met people, earned money, and was kept busy!

The housing stock is generally poor quality so I was picky about where I lived. I only bought food that was in season - at first I shopped as I would in the UK but you can’t, you have to buy what is local. As someone mentioned above, eating out is comparatively much cheaper. Apart from accommodation and food, everything else seemed cheaper in comparison but that’s also because it is/was a less consumerist driven society. I used to ski (much cheaper!) at the weekends in winter and go to the lake/forest/beach in the summer. You can holiday in the pacific islands (which is insane!). The scenery is beautiful, there is so much to see and do. Oh and kiwi’s are almost exclusively awesome people. I say give it a chance, throw yourself into it, safe in the knowledge that you can always come home. You sound homesick but home is always here.

I don't understand how your house can be cold as it's summer, but if you're in an old bungalow you will freeze in winter so if you do decide to stay I'd suggest you move asap. Most houses are not cold, only the old villas/ bungalows

"I didn't comprehend the reality of not having an Aldi and being able to get to Europe etc."

Well, they have ALDI in Australia, so why no relocate there. It's not far for you. 😁

It would help if you said where you are?

This. Give it a year, stop comparing it to the UK and try and see the beauty in NZ for what it is, a completely different place to 'home'.

Rent your house out in the UK so you still have the option to return to life if you want it and don't feel like you have to rush back home now.

Instead of Europe you've got bits of Asia, and Aus a few hours a way. How cop lto be able to take your children to Sydney, or Melbourne for a week - or spend a bit of time in Darwin for example.

I moved to Australia a few years ago and despite being dead set on the move, absolutely hated it the first year and compared it to home all the time. It faded as I experienced Australia for itself - and stopped comparing prices in the supermarket to the UK 😂

There must have been good reasons for the move, they won't have disappeared.

We are on our second relocation which is now pretty permanent.
There used to be so much I used to want to bring back from the UK but over time it is less and less.

But it is hard and often lonely.

Rent the UK house out.
Give NZ longer.
You really haven't been there long enough yet.
What were your reasons for wanting to move there and your reasons for wanting to leave the UK?

You've spent the moving costs and time now. Give it a year and explore NZ.

What sort of house are you in? You can probably break the lease. There is a shortage so a landlord can not hold you to the costs. I know people who've found a new tenant and been able to move.

Look for something modern with windows that fit and no signs of mould. Most people get a shit rental first. It's hard to know what to look for when you first arrive.

Which part of NZ are you in and what employment are you looking for?

Hi, thanks for all the messages and constructive ideas - it's a real help.

We are Wellington. DH has IT job here.

Weather is rainy and windy. Now I know why it's called windy welly. I'm from a cold, windy part of UK, but I find the weather here worse. There has been nice weather for a couple of weeks. Up until and including Christmas were cold, rainy and windy.

I'm only buying in season, kind of did that in UK, but still find it very expensive - shopping at Countdown / Paknsave. However, my cooking is improving as cooking from scratch from recipe books from the excellent libraries :)

I think the suggestions of renting house out in UK and seeing this as a year trip is very wise. That way maybe I can enjoy more knowing there's a kind of time limit on it and make the most of it for my kids.

We, probably wrongly!, thought coming to NZ and having the summer off for the kids would give us a chance to enjoy the weather and give the kids a good time. But yes, it's been a long time. People are lovely and I volunteered with the PTA before Christmas and the kids have made friends. I've joined an evening class to start in Feb, so I'm trying to join in etc. I'm relatively sociable and I think (lol) quite easy to get along with.

Appreciate it's a short time we've been here and it takes time to get used to anywhere. And although I dont think I was trying to solve childhood trauma by coming here, it definitely felt that this was a real positive to end up somewhere I'd wanted growing up. Like a nice tie up of an ending? Maybe it was a dream that should have been grown out of.

I've been in other, more modern NZ houses and I'm freezing. But Maybe we are very soft. Never thought I was, but seriously me and kids find the sea and outdoor pools cold, and I can see others enjoying themselves in the water and my kids are going blue. Swam in lochs etc. in Scotland and north sea with kids so I'm surprised but there we are.

And I can see it's an amazing place and I'm sure with the right house and set up people can have a great life.

Thanks again for all the comments again, it's definitely lifted me out a fug.

OK Wellington has crap weather, it's great but the weather is terrible so that explains it. Lots of old (and cold) houses there too. You could move further (to the Hutt) the weather is meant to be nicer there as it isn't on the coast

My best friend who l met in late 80s from NZ absolutely loves her country but ….she hates living there. She wants to convince her husband a Welsh man that the uk is so much more diverse and closer to the rest of the world.
She had an absolute horrendous experience with the NZ equivalent of the NHs !

Ha! Windy Wellington was my guess! I didn’t mean you thought this move would solve your childhood issues, more that it may have led you to have unrealistic expectations about how you’d feel maybe? Especially this early on, and with summer holidays not allowing you to get into a “normal life” routine.

I think it’s a bit of a mindset thing - try to stop focus on what you miss and embrace the differences, especially with the psychological safety net of an end-point in a year.

@MissedItByThisMuch - ' unrealistic expectations about how you’d feel maybe'. Think you've nailed it there! :) you've given me something to ponder on there. Thanks 👍

Houses in Wellington are built of timber because in earthquakes they will flex a bit whereas brick houses will crack. It also means they’re more draughty than houses in the UK. I’m from Australia and there is also a bit of a cultural difference between the northern and southern hemispheres when it comes to heating. In Australia and NZ you wear warm clothes inside the house in winter. We cannot comprehend heating your house to a level where you can get around in a t shirt in the middle of winter. My SIL is from Chicago where it gets to minus 30 and said the coldest winter she ever had was in Sydney 😆But it’s currently summer OP so I’m not sure what is going on with your internal thermostat.

My advice is to embrace life as it is there because it will never be the same as the UK. It will be different and that can be great.

Aaand I’ve finally finished laughing about five million NZers not living a real life 😂

I don't know much about houses in wellington but we had a brick short term rental in Auckland. It was freezing as the brick is just a type of cladding here, not structural. It's also only single layer so no cavity to insulate.

I was advised that house placement was crucial in Welly. Some suburbs are warmer than others as they get more sun. (wondering if you are in kaori which is the one we were advised to avoid). But the weather in Welly is a challenge. And yes, pools are bloody freezing here, the sea can be too. Wetsuits might help!