Moved to NZ and can't see advantages

[Spaglol]

Hi

This isn't a NZ bash.

We recently moved to a city in NZ (family of - 2 kids primary aged). Moved on nov 2023. I know it's very early days.

I can see how beautiful it is and people are lovely and we've had really positive experiences with people.

But... I just don't think it's worth it for me / us. The house we are in is freezing and we are paying so much. The food is so expensive. And I feel so far away. There are so few jobs in my area.

I totally get this is all my view and the information was out there for me to read before but I didn't comprehend the reality of not having an Aldi and being able to get to Europe etc.

Our house in UK hasn't sold yet. I am starting to think we cut our losses and go back?

As I said, I'm not having a go at NZ, it is me.

I'm worried if we move so quickly again, I'll mess my kids up. That's my major concern.

Thanks for reading.

Have your children settled? Has your partner settled?

Have you left family in the UK?

It’s very early days. Are the reasons you moved still valid?

How old are your children?

They will reach an age in high school where it becomes very difficult to move back. The school years don't align. And if you have more than 1 child that window of having to stay put is drawn out because as one becomes more flexible the next one can't move.

If you're going to move back, do so while the children are younger.

"I'm worried if we move so quickly again, I'll mess my kids up. That's my major concern."

In what way do you think moving back will mess them up?

What were you hoping when you uprooted and went there?
you havent really given yourselves a chance to make the huge adjustments involved in the move. Have you got plans to explore? Road trip? Ways to make friends? Job interviews? You need to know what will make you happy there and then makeplans together. Therearemany different places and homes tolive in. Fix the heating and youll immediately feel better. It must have cost a lot to move so worth a fair trial for couple of years.

The houses aren’t really insulated and don’t have radiators so they are cold. Can you look for somewhere a bit more modern? Otherwise ask the locals what they do as maybe you need to invest in little heaters etc

Food is expensive in the supermarkets but strangely not so bad eating out. You have to get used to eating seasonally and not having things out of season as the prices are crazy otherwise.

I think it’ll take a few months to start enjoying it. I wouldn’t come back yet. Try and see it as an adventure.

Why did you decide to move there OP?

Do you have grandparents alive in UK that you get on with? If yes, I would definitely move back.

Thank you all so much for the replies.

My kids are 5 and 7.

We've got heaters, bought blankets and made draft excluders. The contract is for a year so can't get out. I'm very worried about the winter months as this is summer and it's cold. The rents are very expensive for us.

DS (5) likes school and the play side, and DD(7) missed the structure and maths and science she had in UK. They were only at school 6 weeks before summer holiday break up so I know it's such early days. They were in an ok primary in UK, but I thought NZ education would suit them. I'm not so sure now.

Have got v good friends in UK rather than much family iykwim.

In terms of messing them up - what message would I be sending them to go backwards to same house, and if we were lucky same school. Like, just give up on things?

For various reasons I didn't get to have v much freedom in my twenties (family stuff) and I always felt I'd missed out on the Australia / NZ dream that I'd had. I now think I've been incredibly selfish and should have just accepted I got a raw deal from my family and got over it. I just want the best for my kids.

My mum, their gran and their paternal grandfather.

In your position, I’d postpone the sale of the house and rent it out, and I’d give it the full year. If you still feel like that - come home. You’ll have still had an adventure and scratched that itch. You might always have regretted never going - now you’re trying it, and you’ll have a much clearer idea after a year if you want to stay or not.

But I would give it a year and throw myself into getting to know people and exploring the area/country. I’ve moved countries myself - albeit not with kids in tow - and you do have to give it time. And I think a bit of buyer’s remorse is normal about any big life decision!

Are you out there alone with your kids or do you have a DP/DH with you? If so, what do they think?

Gosh OP I would go home! It's showing your kids you can reverse course when it's the right thing to do. That's a great message. I wouldn't live in NZ for a million quid. I know it's beautiful and wonderful but it's for holidays I think. Not real life.

I have moved internationally twice. If you move back the kids will be fine. They will understand its something you tried as a family and are now back in the UK. My kids were in other cultures for years and all are fine and well adjusted, I am assuming because DH and I have a strong marriage so our family relationships were always strong. I think that helps give them security.

My sister moved there and has two under 6. The adjustment is hard. It was never going to be easy. Just like when you move areas in the uk you need to start again making friends etc. get involved with the school PTA, govenors etc. don't just quit at the first hurdle, I'd give it a year to adjust and settle its a lifestyle change. Nothing good comes easy.

@fisky I know it's beautiful and wonderful but it's for holidays I think. Not real life.

Yes no one lives there in real life.

I’m from here (Nz) and remember feeling like it was a massive mistake moving back after 10 years in Europe.

it takes time to adjust

i like the idea of renting your place out and give it a solid year of adventure, and if still not right, go back

i absolutely LOVE Nz, but I have my family, acres to a bach at my favourite beach, bought a house in a good area while it was affordable, so I know how fortunate I am

Rent your house out, do a year!

I loved NZ, worked in Whangarei, Auckland and Wellington.

I remember it being hot at this time of year, are you on the S Island?

I moved abroad aged 8.
I went from central london to a remote village where i didn't speak the language and had to
Just pick it up at my new tiny local school.
After a year, my parents realised it wasnt working out and we returned to the same house we had left, and i went back to the same primary school I'd left.
There were tough times in the beginning of that year abroad but I look back on it fondly and can say with certainty it has had a positive impact on my life.
Not just because i learnt another language. I believe it's help make me adaptable, confident and gave me a sense of adventure.

I truly don't think it will mess up your kids to return at the ages they are. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

I'd give it a longer go first though. Whereabouts are you?

Thank you for all your answers. I greatly appreciate you taking the time.

I'll reply later, currently with kids!

Have a look at the fb page 'ping pong poms'
It's those going back and forth with real experience.

IMO (we moved to aus) you really have to love and it and give it your all to make it last - luckily we do - but we know a lot of people half in and always wondering . I see it really affects them as they can't ever truly feel settled .

I have moved twice internationally to live for a few years. The first move the company enrolled us into a course to help us adjust to the move etc.

One lesson that always stuck with me was that with any move, there would be a period of euphoria first, followed by "OMG what have we done", to nostalgic everything was brilliant back home thoughts and only remembering the positives, then slowly an adjustment occurs and you settle into your new life, and in the end hopefully love it. this process happens again when going 'home' if you have lived overseas a few years. I think remind yourself why you moved, give it a while, rent your UK house out and enjoy the adventure. Children when young will adjust, if you teach them to do so. It is a fantastic opportunity, see where it takes you and keep your options open, but do give it the time it takes to adjust and settle.

Which part of NZ are you in because it's the height of their summer right now ?

I can assure you it is NOT cold in the South Island at the moment!! Where on earth are you living that it is cold at the moment OP?

If there are no pressing practical reasons against it, I agree with the former poster who said “give it a full year and see how you feel then.” See it as a one year adventure.

Moving anywhere internationally is really, really hard at first. That's amplified when you move somewhere that's just so far from home and so far from most other countries!
As others have said, what was your main motivation for moving.
What do you want to achieve by living there rather than in the UK?
It's a huge step to take if you're not certain what you want to achieve and therefore you can't really measure how much of a "success" the move is.
I've got a lot of family in NZ many of whom have, over the years, moved back and forth between the UK and NZ. Some have settled here, some in NZ - that's because different people prefer different places. It's okay to move, decide you preferred it where you used to live, and move back.

What I will say is that you should aim to give it a year as a minimum.
Rent out your UK property rather than sell it.
Make a concerted effort to make friends via work and in your community. There will almost certainly be other recent immigrants who'll be in a similar boat to you. And once the kids make friends, try your hardest with the others kids' parents.
You arrived at a challenging time - just before Christmas and just before the long summer holidays. That will make the the transition so much harder. It WILL get easier.

Older NZ homes are often not all that well built and not especially well insulated. Longer term - assuming you stay - I'd look to find a more modern home (many people build their own).

I also don't know where you are in NZ but some parts are significantly warmer than others so if the summer is too chilly maybe consider moving north :-).

Whatever happens, make your decision about where you want to be before your eldest would start (UK) secondary school. Moving anywhere is much easier when they're little.

Good luck!