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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

Has anyone NOT regretted having termination?

87 replies

winnybella · 02/03/2010 19:36

I have been looking through some previous threads and each time someone posts asking for advice, there's lots of people saying how they had abortion and feel guilty, unhappy, traumatised, it was a biggest mistake...

I am facing termination now and I know it's the best thing for me and my family at the moment.I'm wondering if I am in some sort of denial, whether after the fact I will feel horrible- almost all of the posts I have read so far would imply that.

I would like to hear from people who went through it and aren't suffering because of taking that decision- because it was the only sensible decision at that time to make.

Thank you.

OP posts:

Bubbles2009 · 18/03/2010 12:22

Hi not sure if I should use this thread or not but will and see. Winny I hope you are ok?

I'm a single mum to my 13 month DD. I found motherhood initially very hard doing it all on my own no family etc. Had a brief reunion with DD's Dad and I mean the once and I am pregnant. I do have a good job, own home but I would be doing it totally on my own and i don't know what to do. I've read the threads I've been to the doctors I've asked for a termination but I'm not sure and I'm too scared to talk to friends because of how stupid I've been. I can barely believe it's happening all over again. The Dad said can't be his cause only the once.

I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? I don't know what to do with my DD if I go ahead with a termination as I never leave her. I feel stupid even worrying about that when I should be worrying about what to do. Which of course I am.

Winny I'm sorry if I shouldn't be using this thread.

Original poster

winnybella · 18/03/2010 20:28

Bubbles2009 First, of course I don't mind. You might want to start your own thread though, because this one might have become a bit of a 'old news' and you might get more replies on a new one.

Secondly, I think the most important thing you can ask yourself is whether you want to have another child right now. Your ex, I'm sorry to say, sounds like a twat. So, is being a single parent now something you want and could deal with. And, do you really want to keep this pregnancy? I would think this is v.important, not the external circumstances like finances etc, but your own feelings about it.

How far along are you? I had my medical termination (with pills) today and it was absolutely fine. I basically got my period. No pain (tiny bit of cramping), no traumatic stuff. I was only 6.5 weeks, though.

You need to think what you want, deep inside.
I definitely did not want to mother another child, so it was an easy decision for me. If I wanted to continue this pregnancy, I wouldn't terminate even if I had valid reasons like lack of money etc ( well, I do have those, but they were not the most iportant ones iyswim), because I think that could potentially have been devastating for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

winnybella · 18/03/2010 20:34

Oh, and feelitsright, if you're lurking, I had the same feeling of a huge relief, followed by a tiny bit of guilt at said relief, but am doing fine so far- well, just got back from a hospital couple of hours ago!
Am having a nice chilled glass of white wine and will watch a movie in a moment.

Hope you're ok xxx

OP posts:

Bubbles2009 · 18/03/2010 20:56

Thanks Winny

I am now and have been since Bubbles was born, a single parent. Her dad sees her when he likes sometimes leaving visits for months.

Medicaly they take it from my last period which is 5 and a half weeks but in reality just over 3 weeks. Contraception didn't work and took morning after pill which didn't work either!

I'm scared of terminating. I'm equally scared of being a single parent to 2 children, thinking how will I cope with no sleep then looking after toddler during day and thinking is it fair on my DD to go ahead.

I didn't ever invisage having more children and can't believe that I am pg again! I haven't told anyone other than the dad and this group

Original poster

winnybella · 18/03/2010 21:06

If you don't want to keep this pregnancy ie deep inside you don't want to have another child, then termination does not have to be traumatic at all.

If you want to have another baby, then you'll find a way to support your family, even if it might be v.hard.

It sounds silly, but I would go with your gut feeling wrt pregnancy. Not wrt the termination, as you might be scared of it and because of it choose to go ahead with the pg.

Why are you scared of termination?

Are you thinking about this pg as a problem or a potential baby?

Don't beat yourself up about getting pg, serves no purpose now.

It seems obvious that you will not be able to count on your ex. It's all about you and how you feel.

OP posts:

JoeyBettany · 18/03/2010 21:13

I've had 2 and don't regret either.

The first was when I was 18, 2 months into my first adult relationship. I was upset at the time but soon realised it was the right decision.

The second was when my eldest was 5 months old. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I was suffering appalling morning sickness and was struggling to cope with the baby I had. I knew by then that my relationship with his father would not survive, and although I was sad, I felt it was the best thing for my son and my mental and physical health to abort.

Both abortions were very early (6 and 9 weeks) and I think this made it easier. Both times, I felt 'normal' mentally after a week or so.

I sometimes think that I could be the mother of 4 dcs rather than 2, but I use contraception and the second pregnacy in particular may well have ended naturally anyway, so I don't dwell on it.

Bubbles2009 · 18/03/2010 21:23

Winny I see this pg as a baby. I see all the difficulties that lie ahead too. My DD has only just started sleeping throughout the night and I use my evenings to cook and relax and sleep. First time in a year.

I don't know what to do but my appointment is next friday so I have time. Not sure that is good tho but ...

Thank you

Original poster

winnybella · 18/03/2010 22:25

It sounds similar to my situation ie my youngest is your dd's age. I know I couldn't deal with a new baby now. No way.

I hope you will be able to come to the best decision for you and your dd.

It's hard for anuone to advise you either way- we all react differently and also it just doesn't seem right- it has to be your decision. If you feel already 'connected' to the baby then maybe terminating would be very traumatic for you?

Good luck and if you need any info re medical termination you can CAT me if you want.

OP posts:

NeedCoffee · 18/03/2010 22:30

Bubbles-I have to say, I really think you need support in real life, is there anyone that you can tell that will be supportive?

I have been in your position twice, the first I chose to go ahead with the pg, I have to say it was the hardest thing I have ever done, going through everything by myself whilst trying to look after dd1, then the nights where so hard and lonely. DD1 has just hit the 2.5 mark and I am getting a little of my life back, if I get woken just the one night it really makes me tired.

The second time I chose to have a termination for many many reasons, I had the same as winny, after it was finally over, it was a relief-if I hadn't I would be 34 wks pregnant now with 2 children and struggling like hell. I don't regret it.

I hope you can come to the right decision for yourself

Winny, glad today doesn't seem to have been too traumatic Take extra special care of yourself for the next few days.

Original poster

winnybella · 18/03/2010 22:47

NeedCoffee- I was surprised at how not painful it was. I read so many stories about people writhing in pain etc that I was terrified.
Fingers crossed there won't be anything retained, no infection etc.
I am not feeling sad now, but we'll see in a bit.
Mostly I'm happy that when DD will wake up in a few hours I will pick her up and cuddle with her and bf. Last two nights were a nightmare- DP couldn't calm her down, would try to pacify her with cookies and bananas ( at 3 am!)-she would gratefully accept those and then keep on crying for hours. Well, maybe only for one hour, but it felt like ages.
So...yes, I have to say for now I feel happy about not being pg and being able to concentrate on dcs.

OP posts:

Original poster

winnybella · 18/03/2010 22:50

And also I want to thank every single one of you for your stories and advice.

I only told my mum and, obviously, DP, so you were a great support to me in this tough time leading up to today.

So, a BIG thank you.

OP posts:

mamaandlawyer · 14/09/2025 22:30

winnybella · 18/03/2010 22:50

And also I want to thank every single one of you for your stories and advice.

I only told my mum and, obviously, DP, so you were a great support to me in this tough time leading up to today.

So, a BIG thank you.

Hi Winnie,

I am in essentially the same circumstance as you and am wondering how you feel now all this time has passed? Do you regret the abortion at all or was it the right thing to do? My head tells me

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