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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

Is this a good enough reason for a late term abortion

70 replies

Sadmummy12345678 · 15/08/2018 15:34

I just had a 25 week scan and baby has a lung malformation. Most babies with this survive but some don't. If he survives he will need major surgery to remove a lung before he is 6 mons. Both my husband and consultant said termination is not necessary unless baby's condition worsens. I am finding it tough and I'm not sure I can bear to keep holding on hoping the baby will be ok. I'm worried about what a late abortion involves and I don't know if it will be easier to do it now rather than wait until I'm 30+ weeks. I don't think i can bear having to get an infant through major surgery. Am I reasonable to be thinking about a termination. This was a planned baby.

OP posts:

literallydumbfounded · 15/08/2018 15:40

I didn't want to read and leave. I can't really advise as I am pro life. But I can't begin to understand the pain you are going through. And the pain you will have to endure once baby is born. But isn't it worth it?? Baby is going to have a good standard of living? ESP is specialist has said termination isn't necessary. Ultimately it's your decision. But if it were me, I couldn't terminate ( and I say that as someone who had a termination and I never forgave myself) always wondering what if.... for you xxxx I hope you have support in RL

BigBlueBubble · 15/08/2018 15:48

What are the long term prospects for your baby? Will he live a normal life? I’d probably continue the pregnancy if there are good odds of surviving surgery and the baby would have a good quality of life. However if he’d be severely disabled I’d probably choose not to continue.

firsttimebabybirther · 15/08/2018 15:50

To put it bluntly , no , I don't think it's a good enough reason. I'm sure someone will say that's harsh and I'm so deeply sorry you're dealing with this but I write this whilst holding my almost 6 month old in my arms who is going to require surgery on 2 organs soon he has regular scans and check ups and will do for a long time but this period of nerves / guilt / fear is so worth it for the lifetime of happiness I know that I will have with him.

Sending you strength

Original poster

Sadmummy12345678 · 15/08/2018 15:51

Good chance of a normal life after surgery. I just don't think in strong enough to go through it. Does anyone know what a late term abortion is like ? Does it get worse the further along the pregnancy you are?

OP posts:

MonaLisaSimpson · 15/08/2018 15:54

As someone who had major surgery as a child I couldn't terminate because of this, I wouldn't even consider it. Ultimately it's your decision but any child can have health issues and getting through it is just what you do as a parent.

PotteringAlong · 15/08/2018 15:54

I suspect that a late term abortion would be much much harder to go through than an infant having an operation after which they would live a normal life.

They need an operation at 6 months old. You’ll probably have them for 60 years after that. 6 months is nothing in the scheme of it.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 15/08/2018 15:57

In your shoes I’d hold on. Your child is wanted and has the chance of a good life. It sounds like you are panicking - are there other parents who have come through this that you could talk to? I’m as pro-choice as they come btw, but a late termination would also be very hard on you.

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 15/08/2018 15:58

If there's a good strong chance of a normal life after then go for it.

It just sounds like the shock talking. From what you've said your child has a high chance of being fine.

BertieBotts · 15/08/2018 15:58

Personally I think a late term abortion would be much much harder than supporting a baby through surgery. That would be hard but it's temporary and the doctors will basically be doing most of it. A late term abortion is forever - you might never get over it.

It's something I'd consider if my baby would have no/low quality of life. To avoid a surgery after which things are likely to be normal, I can't get my head around. But you must make the choice which is right for you.

Would it be possible perhaps to speak to a doctor who specialises in this kind of surgery? Maybe talking about the reality of it and what it would entail will help? Have you googled for support groups for parents of children with this condition? Facebook sometimes has them or Yahoo email groups. This can be a valuable source of finding out what it would really be like.

What are your partner's thoughts?

furandchandeliers · 15/08/2018 15:59

Any reason is a good enough reason to terminate. If you don't want to continue with the pregnancy then you don't have to.

I don't know what an abortion that late entails but I would assume you wouldn't have to be conscious for it if you don't want to.

supportforsister · 15/08/2018 15:59

I'd be surprised if this would meet threshold for late termination? Your baby has a condition, detected in the womb, that will require surgery. That surgery, if successful, will allow baby to live a normal life.

You ARE strong enough. You're his mum.

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/08/2018 16:01

It's your decision, not anyone else's. By your own logic though, I think a late term abortion would be much more to deal with than having your planned baby and supporting them through an operation with a high chance of a normal life.

Can you explain what it is that is frightening you so much about the lung operation?

powershowerforanhour · 15/08/2018 16:01

Is there any chance that the consultant could put you in touch with some parents of children who have had similar- those whose children lived pretty normal lives and ones more severely affected- to help inform your decision? Or is that not something that is done?

No advice but love and strength to you whatever you decide

PotteringAlong · 15/08/2018 16:02

I don't know what an abortion that late entails but I would assume you wouldn't have to be conscious for it if you don't want to.

Well yes, you’ll have to give birth. I would be surprised if that could be a c-section under general anaesethic.

MacNcheese87 · 15/08/2018 16:02

A late term abortion will be much harder to deal with than surgery on an infant.

One of my children spent months in hospital when he was born. He had many brain surgeries before he was 4 months old. To think that aborting him at a late stage would be easier seems insane to me.

However, you are carrying this baby and you have had some horrible news and it's very easy to imagine the worst. I think you possibly need to read up on what a late term abortion will entail, it can be very similiar to still birth (as in the baby is fully formed, you can have footprints taken etc). This is not an easy option.

Ultimately, because you say most children survive and the outlook is good, no I do not think it's enough. But I do completely emphasise that you do not know what the future will bring and the thought of a later term abortion is awful.

Sleep on it. Try and keep positive, it sounds like the condition your baby has is bad, but perhaps, not as bad as you're imagining it may turn out. It's natural to assume the worst. x

furandchandeliers · 15/08/2018 16:03

A medical abortion doesn't require you to be conscious.

ImAGoofyGoober · 15/08/2018 16:03

I would think an abortion so late in the pregnancy would be very tough to put it lightly. You would have to give birth to him which would be traumatic.

The thing about having to go through surgery with a baby is that you don’t get given the choice of ‘can I cope’, you just do. You get through it and get out the other side until it becomes a blurry memory.

If I was you I would keep my baby and go through with the surgery.

Are you able to talk about it more in depth with a medical professional?

powershowerforanhour · 15/08/2018 16:04

One thing to consider...watching a baby have to go through the recovery from surgery would be pretty tough but on the plus side they cannot fear death or the future, and they almost certainly won't remember any discomfort or distress long term.

Safeandwarm · 15/08/2018 16:07

trigger warning

Just looking at Wikipedia page for late term abortion. It looks very involved.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Late_termination_of_pregnancy

furandchandeliers · 15/08/2018 16:07

Dilation and evacuation is only up to 24 weeks actually.

I think it's too late at 25 weeks and by the time it would all be sorted you'd be even further along. I think you have to give birth to the baby that far along, which I imagine would be very traumatic

123whatsmyusername · 15/08/2018 16:07

I’m so sorry you’re in this difficult situation and it’s hard to learn that your baby isn’t well but you need to consider remember that your baby will have the chance to be happy and healthy after this surgery.
I had to terminate my pregnancy earlier this year at 19 weeks due to a medical condition that would have left my baby severely physically and mentally disabled and it’s changed my life. Honestly, I’m your case, knowing what I know now, I would continue with the pregnancy.
I was given tablets three hours apart for fifteen hours to induce labour but it didn’t go all the way. I had a 24 ‘rest’ period in hospital before the process was repeated. Two and a half days after entering hospital, I gave birth to my daughter, who was actually born alive. At 19 weeks. It tore my heart out. She passed away a few hours a later. I had a horrific time in hospital and I can only assume others will have had less traumatic times than mine but I wanted you to know how extreme it can be so you can make the best-informed decision. Good luck in whatever you choose.

gamerchick · 15/08/2018 16:08

A medical abortion doesn't require you to be conscious

Even for one that size? It will have to be given birth too to get it out.

Nobody can make this choice for you OP. But no i don't think this is a good enough reason for me to terminate personally. People can manage with only one lung.

You have to weigh up the procedure to your need not to go through watching your child do surgery. Ultimately it's your choice

SugarandVinegar · 15/08/2018 16:08

You know what you can bare, op if you feel you can't go through with it then don't let others coerce you.
I don't know what a modern late abortion involves nowadays - sorry. You have a difficult road ahead op, best of luck dear lady.

RatRolyPoly · 15/08/2018 16:08

It must be overwhelming the thought that you could lose your baby at any time once they're here, and perhaps the prospect of definitely losing them through a late-term abortion comforts you to some degree as there is at least a certainty of outcome and it's within your control.

But as a pp said, I honestly think the pain and the aftermath of losing them this way will be - in reality - far worse than any surgery or even any situation in which there is still hope that your baby may live a relatively normal life.

Certainty and control are familiar comforters, but I would urge you not to be seduced by them because you fear the alternative. Please do really think through what motivates you to consider this outcome, and if it isn't something which you'll look back on wish you'd perhaps been a little bit braver. At the end of the day though, only you know which outcome you would prefer to live with; the certainty of losing your baby or the trauma of their enduring surgery with the fair possibility of success.

MacNcheese87 · 15/08/2018 16:09

I know it's really hard being told there is something wrong with your baby, when you imagine this perfect little life and then it's snatched away, but I promise you, it's not snatched away. You still have your perfect baby that you have longed for, he/she will just need a bit of help in the beginning (hopefully, I am only going by what you have shared).

6 months is a drop in the ocean when it comes to an entire life. My boy is 9 now and it seems a lifetime ago he was hooked up to machines and going down to theatre every week.

If you'd like any advice about helping infants through surgery, I'm sure there's a lot of info on here too. It's really not as scary when you are living it, you just do and because you're a mum, you do it naturally.

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