Is this a good enough reason for a late term abortion

[Sadmummy12345678]

I just had a 25 week scan and baby has a lung malformation. Most babies with this survive but some don't. If he survives he will need major surgery to remove a lung before he is 6 mons. Both my husband and consultant said termination is not necessary unless baby's condition worsens. I am finding it tough and I'm not sure I can bear to keep holding on hoping the baby will be ok. I'm worried about what a late abortion involves and I don't know if it will be easier to do it now rather than wait until I'm 30+ weeks. I don't think i can bear having to get an infant through major surgery. Am I reasonable to be thinking about a termination. This was a planned baby.

I think pregnancy hormones + very natural fear is clouding your judgement at moment op.

Your baby could have to go through any amount of medical procedures in life that you will have to suck it up and get through. If you want an abortion because your otherwise till now wanted baby will need an operation after which they will likely be fine, thats a bit excessive. Its not like an early abortion. You would have to give birth. You would be awake. It would likely be traumatic in itself

OP. Have you been offered counselling? Can hospital help you have access to any parents of babies who’ve been through similar?

You have to give birth after 25 weeks. I feel your pain OP! I would have struggled knowing what you know.

Sounds like quite a selfish reason to terminate, if you ask me. I know this is horrible for you but to terminate a wanted child just because they won’t be born perfect is very harsh- especially if the child has a good chance of a fulfilling life after. Please reconsider. Also, I don’t believe you can elect to have an abortion unless for serious medical reasons after 24 weeks- I might be wrong. Hang in there, you will be a great mum once he’s/she’s born no matter what.

Scan at 20 weeks showed my ds had both club feet, 4 years of continuous treatment. Painful at worst, uncomfortable and unexplainable to a toddler at best.
It was my job to support him, comfort him and love him until his pained days were done.
And you will manage this for your wonderful ds also op.

Better to love and comfort a live baby than live with a late termination of a baby you want to love...
So love him.

The reasons you have given focus on how you are feeling and how you would cope, you haven't really talked about your baby. I realise that may just be because it is so painful.
What would it mean to your relationship if you went ahead with the abortion? Would it survive?
Can you access counselling, for you and your DH?

I've had a late termination at 20 weeks for medical reasons, and it was essentially labour. It was hard, it was painful, it was traumatic. I'm not trying to scare you - just to give the candid facts.
The only way I could deal with it was knowing there was no chance my baby would survive with the defect it had.

To be honest, if you can cope with the termination, I think you could cope with the not knowing how things are going to pan out if you see what I mean?

It's really hard, it would take a lot of strength, there will be a lot of emotional (and hormonal) fall out from it and it takes its toll physically and mentally.

In your shoes, as someone who has had a TFMR and had a period of not knowing whether things would pan out okay or not, I would take the waiting and seeing approach every single time.

Obviously, if the termination is right from you, I'm not trying to talk you out of it, because everyone has the right to choose. But I do urge you to think about it - I've actually written about my experience quite candidly so if you think it would help to read how a termination at that stage would play out, PM me, am happy to share the link.
Also happy to chat x

All I would say is be cautious OP, don't rush into any decisions when you're feeling so shocked and fragile. Wishing you the best x

Oh you poor darling. I think you're in shock and need some support.
Don't beat yourself up for thinking this and look after yourself.
Sending you best wishes and good luck.

I am so sorry for the diagnosis but OP you need counselling because I dont think that you really grasp what you are thinking of doing and how it would be

That and the fact that actually has anyone offered you a late term abortion the threshold and hoops you need to get it are tough and would need I think at least two separate consultants to sign off on it being the right thing to do and ultimately I think would cause you such great mental harm

Legally, I can't advise you- you should talk to experts who know whether or not the condition identified is one that would make an abortion at this stage possible.

Morally, II am pro choice and it is not for me to judge your choice. It doesn't matter if I think your reason is 'good enough'- what matters is that it is your choice to make. If after careful consideration and with full understanding of all the possible outcomes were you to continue the pregnancy and of the process of late term abortion, ending the pregnancy is what you would prefer, that is 'good enough'.

However, despite the vast majority of people I know describing themselves as pro choice, very, very few of them place no limits on that, so I don't think many people will agree with me, and I don't think this is the best forum to get the advice you are seeking.

I had an emergency c-section at 26+1 for my twins, who were under 800g each.

I was given the choice to deliver immediately and hope they survived, or wait a few days and see what happened, and if they had died in utero, they would have induced me to remove them.

My girls both survived and spent 16 weeks in NICU. It was horrific some days, they were so small and poorly and it was touch and go. They are now tiny but feisty toddlers (28 months old) and I'm glad we made the decision to get them out, rather than "wait and see"

same as @Aprilshowersinaugust my DS has club feet, which is not nearly as serious as yours but I was surprised at how strong I could be in terms of treatment (both legs in plaster from the toes to thigh for 8 weeks) operation (Achilles tendons cut- with only anaesthetic being numbing gel!) DS was also in hospital for a week on anti biotics due to unrelated birth complications. I remember watching them put a tube down his little throat and being amazed at myself and how I wasn't losing it!!

I spent 2 days in bed after my 20 week scan, being angry, scared, bitter - you name it! But when it comes down to it you will deal with it.

So I guess my advice is you have to do what you can live with. The people that work in children's wards and hospitals are absolute bloody legends, they will make whatever your child has to go through be the best experience it can be. And after all of it, they won't remember it.

Hi OP, just wanted to send you some gentle hugs.

One of my twins has a lot of health issues, none of which we knew about before he was born. I went from going in to get checked out because I felt a bit under the weather to an emcs in less than two hours, both my boys being taken away to nicu, one had to stay in for two months and has had all sorts of issues including recently diagnosed brain damage.

It’s incredibly difficult to find out there something wrong with your child. However. In many ways it’s really good that they’ve caught this now. They can monitor you and the baby closely, they can proceed with any interventions that might improve his chances, they can make a plan for when he’s born.

You are in shock right now and that’s completely understandable. I don’t think this would meet the criteria for a late stage abortion after the cut off, but if it did then I think you need to strongly consider the psychological impact of having to deliver. I have significant birth trauma from a situation where both of my children survived (albeit only just, in one case).

unfortunately, even if all your scans are textbook perfect, there are no guarantees that your child won’t have health issues / require surgery. This is something people don’t really talk about and we all have the screenings and think all is well, but actually there are thousands of things that can happen that can’t be screened for.

And it may sound counter intuitive but in my experience it’s much better for little babies to have medical procedures than when they’re older - my little one was so resilient as a baby but now he’s almost two and he’s terrified of hospitals and being examined, needles etc.

I would ask your midwife if your area has a maternity counsellor you could speak to, I found this helped a lot when I was struggling with things during my pregnancy.

I'm pro choice.

I'd worry about your mental health if you chose a termination, you'd always be thinking 'what if'.

You sound scared, not unsure. You're worried you're not strong enough to hope, you're worried you're not strong enough to hold out/go through it?? You're about to become a mother. things are no longer about you. You NEED to be strong. And you will be scared. But you NEED to pull through, and your baby will. Medically, if he survives, his life is out of danger within the first year. Why on earth would you not put yourself through a year of emotional struggle knowing that your baby will live its lifetime. Is a year not worth a life to you? Come on. Step up.

Don't know if you have other children? There is no guarantee you'll get pregnant again, I know a few friends who had one and haven't been able to have a second. Are you comfortable to take that chance, might depend on your age and other factors. Is the condition genetic and likely to happen again if you have another?

I am so very sorry for your news, I know it will have come as a terrible shock but you need to think carefully about your options. Please do not act in haste.
When I was only 16 weeks pregnant I was told my pregnancy was not viable due to a low level of amniotic fluid. I was told by my consultant that I would miscarry very soon.
At 21 weeks I was advised to have an abortion by the same consultant, I am 43 so decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. It was tough to say the least and I was in hospital for 4 months until my son was born at 33 weeks. It was touch and go for both of us, but everyone was well prepared and my son was born with chronic lung disease and a different consultant told me my son would never walk or talk.
He spent just a week ventilated in special care having nitrogen therapy to repair his lungs, and came home 7 weeks later; he required oxygen and monitoring for 9 months at home.
My son is now nearly 9 and has full lung capacity. He is in the best of health despite the difficult start he had. He has no developmental delay at all and walks and talks lots!
I know we have been lucky and not all babies with chronic lung disease survive - but some do and have happy healthy lives.
Anyway, I hope my experience is of some help to you. PM me if you would like to know anything else at all or if I can help in any way. Take care.

The thing is OP, that being a parent requires you to be strong for your child, even when you don't feel like you can be.

I wonder when you say "just had a scan" how long you have given yourself to take the results on board? I also wonder if you are reeling so much that you making decisions as a reaction rather than talking it through with the consultant? Does the consultant expect baby's condition to worsen? Is that why you're thinking earlier rather than later for abortion?

You say you don't know if you can bear to go through the surgery that your child will need, and I'm wondering why that is? Is there something in your history that is making you feel that it's more unbearable than a late termination?

Bless you, OP .

After 24 weeks, legal reasons for termination are more restrictive. From recollection it has to be a risk to your life or severe fetal abnormality. Not sure where absence of a lung would fall

I’ve never had to go through this. All can say as a parent is that aborting a baby, who has a relatively good chance of life if he survives the first year would be far more damaging to my mental health than have them going through surgery. I think the regret and personal recriminations would send me insane. I know I’m not you but I think you need to take some time to process this. I agree with pps that this is the shock talking.

That wiki page is very sobering. 'sometimes able to survive independently' Give the little one a chance. It is just your fears setting in, and they are most probably nothing more than that. All will be fine

I think, as others have said, right now you may be scared and panicking.

My Son required surgery at around age 4 and although this was, in the grand scheme of things a relatively 'minor' surgery, as a parent it is terrifying to think of your baby going through anything like that so I do understand the panic, anxiety and stress.
However hes now almost thirteen - he remembers nothing of this time, only reminder he has is a scar. Would I choose to relive that - no, would i do it again if i had to - of course.

On the other hand Ive very recently watched my Sister give birth to my beautiful nephew, stillborn at 27 weeks. This was much much harder, even as a bystander to the event - still in shock, waiting, knowing what was coming, wishing it could be changed and then the silence.
He was perfect, tiny but perfect.

Your consultant has said termination not necessary at the moment - this should be key. At this stage or at 30+ weeks - neither choice is 'easier' - but its not a choice you are being made to make at the moment.

Please please speak to someone and give yourself time to process before making an decisions.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this

As others have said I think you need to take a little time before committing to a decision- know that seems all the more difficult given how far along you are.

Is there a charity that supports parents of children with your baby's condition? Might it help to reach out to get other parents perspectives of the surgery and experiences to inform your decision?

What ever you decide to do, I think getting as much information and support as possible is paramount so that you and DH can make a decision that you're both comfortable with.