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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

Is this a good enough reason for a late term abortion

70 replies

Sadmummy12345678 · 15/08/2018 15:34

I just had a 25 week scan and baby has a lung malformation. Most babies with this survive but some don't. If he survives he will need major surgery to remove a lung before he is 6 mons. Both my husband and consultant said termination is not necessary unless baby's condition worsens. I am finding it tough and I'm not sure I can bear to keep holding on hoping the baby will be ok. I'm worried about what a late abortion involves and I don't know if it will be easier to do it now rather than wait until I'm 30+ weeks. I don't think i can bear having to get an infant through major surgery. Am I reasonable to be thinking about a termination. This was a planned baby.

OP posts:

SadMummy85 · 15/08/2018 17:51

A termination is never 'necessary'.
You are his mum, OP, step up.

Yarnswift · 15/08/2018 17:53

Youve had a huge shock - what you need is support and knowledge. Ask the hospital to point you in the direction of someone who can talk you through this - what the surgery will involve, timescales, what you can expect etc. There may also be patient support groups for the specific condition which will allow you to talk to parents who have been through this first hand.

I’m very pro choice - but a late term abortion is not an easy option. The likelihood is that you would have to give birth.

Rockandrollwithit · 15/08/2018 17:58

Hi OP

My youngest son had major surgery at two days old. He was born with TOF/OA so needed open chest surgery on his lungs and oesophagus. It's very difficult to detect antenatally so I was expecting a healthy baby. He's now 11 months old and generally doing well, although he has needed one further surgery.

Had I known what was coming, I would have been scared witless and would ever have thought I could cope. But when baby is here and you are in the situation, you'll be surprised at what you can deal with. It was a very tough time in our lives, but we all coped and survived and already time is working its magic. I'm dreading his first birthday as it will bring up a lot of memories.

I honestly don't know what I would have done had we known antenatally so I wouldn't judge you either way. But I think there are things you can do to prepare - make a plan to give birth at the right hospital with the right NICU. DS had to be transferred 100 miles te day he was born without me and that was awful. If there are charities associated with his condition, look up their facebook groups and post in there. You will get lots of help and advice from people who have been through it. Visit the NICU and get to know its routines and procedures.

If you decide to go ahead, you can do this.

Rockandrollwithit · 15/08/2018 17:59

And also - it's OK to be angry about this. It isn't fair at all.

YeTalkShiteHen · 15/08/2018 18:00

support for ante natal test results and choices

OP for you if you’re still reading. The link I’ve put on is for support about choices after ante natal test results. No pressure either way, just somewhere for you to talk through your thoughts and feelings with people who have the answers you need.

Whatever you decide, be kind to yourself.

KoshaMangsho · 15/08/2018 18:12

You should do whatever you want. I don’t know how late term abortions work legally but if it is an option, then it is an option and it is not my place to judge.
Emotionally of course, it is a different matter. I had a baby in NICU for 9 weeks. He has now developmentally fully caught up by 18 months. It was tough but I can’t imagine life without him.

biscuitmillionaire · 15/08/2018 18:13

I don't think an abortion is allowed after 24 weeks unless the mother's health is at risk or the baby would be severely disabled. Needing major surgery is not the same as being severely disabled. So the decision might be out of your hands anyway.

GreenMeerkat · 15/08/2018 18:16

I am sorry you are going through this. It must be so stressful.

I have to agree with PPs though. I'm sorry but IMO 25 weeks is too late for a termination when the child has been given a good chance of survival should the surgery be a success.

Have you tried looking up some support groups for people in a similar position? Or with children who have had this? That might help a lot.

StarUtopia · 15/08/2018 18:19

No. It isn't. But you must be in shock still.

MynameisJune · 15/08/2018 18:22

Op is It a CCAM that’s been diagnosed?

If so I know someone whose baby was diagnosed with this at 20 weeks. He was born at a special hospital ready for them to operate almost immediately especially if he struggled to breathe etc.

He is 3 now, never needed surgery still has the CCAM but it hasn’t grown and you’d never know he was has it. He is a normal toddler.

You can do this, that’s what we do as parents. We pull our big girl pants on and we face whatever it is head on so that they don’t have to. Of course you can get him through surgery.

Lastly don’t make any decisions whilst you are in shock, take some time to talk it over with friends or family. Or even see if you can access a specialist midwife.

Jelly67 · 15/08/2018 18:24

Of course it's your choice and you must do what you think is best but I really think a late term abortion for this reason will be so much more difficult for you to deal with than a surgery after birth. Please ask for help/counselling before you do anything.

cameltoeflappyflapflap · 15/08/2018 18:30

My friend had an abortion 2 days before the cut off point and had a natural birth with gas and air.

Have you had counselling OP? Can you phone and request someone sets this up for you? That can help with your decision. This is your decision and no one on here can make it for you.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 15/08/2018 18:47

I’m absolutely pro choice but in your position I think I would continue. If your baby has a good prognosis post surgery that’s good odds and you may well never forgive yourself for an abortion now.

CranberryLemonade · 15/08/2018 18:58

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Such a distressing time.

I think if the post op prognosis is good then going ahead may well be less distressing than a late term abortion and the possible what ifs of not proceeding. That’s what my heart says. But it is about you. Your decision, your thoughts, your feelings are the only ones that really matter.

If you continue and he has the op and whatever other treatment he needs I do feel confident in saying that you will cope when the time comes even though it is impossible to see how now. Because that is what happens for parents who face these things and you cope because you have to and the love carries the day and gives you strength you never knew you had/could draw on.

Plus those lucky enough to have normal scans and healthy births aren’t immune to having to face illnesses and trauma with their children in the future. So not taking a potentially rocky path now doesn’t mean avoiding future heartache.

I hope that you have lots of real world support and can get some counselling and as much clarity on the medical reality of both choices to help you find the clarity to know how to proceed. Xx

LBNM19 · 18/08/2018 22:19

I'm 26 weeks and wouldn't even consider it.

If your baby can have surgery and the outcome is expected to be postive why would you.

hidengosqueak · 18/08/2018 22:31

Hi op
I had a late termination at 25+1
The reasons aren't relevant on here. It was 2006 and I was under GA and came round after. It is traumatic and I struggled for years after and still do to be honest but I know it was the right and only decision I could make for myself, my dcs and the baby. I believe in quality of life not just existing. Hth

weebarra · 18/08/2018 22:34

My DS2 had an undiagnosed severe heart condition which resulted in emergency surgery at ten days old. At nine days we had no clue that there was anything wrong.
It was the kind of condition that we would have been offered a TFMR if it had been found antenatally.
He had surgery, we coped, he recovered and I've just finished wrapping his presents for his 8th birthday tomorrow.
Of course, it is completely you and your DH's choice, and if DS2 had been diagnosed before birth, I don't know what we would have decided, so I'm glad he wasn't. Good luck - take all the support you can.

NotAnotherHeffalump · 18/08/2018 22:42

I think you're in shock.

Even a baby who had perfectly normal scans and is very healthy at birth can become seriously ill as a toddler or later in life.

My cousin has a hole in her heart and was born premature and very unwell. Now she is 26 and full of life! She's had several major operations and will always need more to have her pacemaker replaced even 10 years or so, but her family dote on her and she loves her life. She isn't less of a person because of her medical condition.

Give your son a chance. You're his mother, you should be on your son's team, encouraging and supporting him. Watching your son go through surgery will be difficult, but I can't see how it's more difficult than an abortion, late term or not.

MumUnderTheMoon · 25/08/2018 13:47

I am pro choice. This is your choice and you can make it for whatever reason you feel is "good enough".

Sharkwithknees · 26/08/2018 09:45

Generally not legally at 25 weeks, Mum

How are you, OP?

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