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Antenatal tests

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Original poster

Just got NIPT results, bad news. I'm devastated

71 replies

Ariel03 · 31/10/2016 10:44

Hi,
I have just got the call regarding my NIPT results. The baby has a 98% chance of having Down's.
This pregnancy was completely unplanned and a total shock, I'm 43 years old and split with my DP before I knew I was pregnant.
Even so, I am absolutely devastated and I can't stop crying.
Please don't judge me, but I already have 2 DCs with special needs and I don't think I could cope with a third, especially since I'm on my own.
I feel so guilty that I'm even considering ending this pregnancy . It's not something I believe in. I just don't think I can cope with another SEN child.
I have my dating scan tomorrow, which I know I'm just going to cry through the whole thing.
I've got a CVS booked for Wednesday and should get results by Friday.

I just need some hand holding and support please. I feel so alone.

OP posts:

SamhainSoubriquet · 31/10/2016 10:46

I'm here OP and completely free of judgement

You need to do what's right for you and your family.

whatever choice you make, will be the right one. Because you chose it

Kuriusoranj · 31/10/2016 10:46

Oh my dear - I don't have anything constructive to say at all, but don't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you have had this news. I'm sure that you will make the right decision for you. You're not alone.

Glastokitty · 31/10/2016 10:49

Oh goodness, don't feel guilty at all! My one and only pregnancy came up as high risk, we decided on an abortion if the CVS showed positive for Downs . We were lucky, and he is now a strapping 15 year old. But it would have been the right decision for us. Do what you have to do, and please don't feel guilty for a second.

LadyMoth · 31/10/2016 10:50

I'm so sorry about your news, you must be in a state. First sit down and have a cup of tea if you can.

It's your choice and you have no guilt to feel. In your situation many people would not be able to face having a third child at all anyway, and that would be a valid choice too.

I have never felt a termination was something I could do either, but I know something could happen that could change my mind.

You have to do what is right for you. The baby is presumably not viable right now, so it might help to try to see it as a part of your body at this stage - a part that you are free to make decisions about. But give yourself time to think and get over the shock.

I'm sure others will be along soon with more direct experience too.

Inthenick · 31/10/2016 10:51

I am so sorry Ariel. The choice is yours. Not an easy choice either way but it will be okay whatever you choose. Sending you a strong cup of tea and i hope you have someone who can mind the kids so you can have some time to rest, think and deal with the shock.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 31/10/2016 10:55

Completely free of judgement here too OP. Bless you, what a horrible shock.

You have to do what's right for you and your life. At 20 I would have been gung ho about raising a child with a special need. In my 40s and feeling more mortal my thoughts would have been very different.
I have a child with autism and I know it isn't easy.

Look after yourself, make your own decision and have confidence that whatever decision you make will be the right one for you.

natb88 · 31/10/2016 11:15

OP I am so sorry to hear this

I just went through a termination for the very same reason yesterday and my thoughts are with you, whatever your decision.

Xxxxx

PoisonWitch · 31/10/2016 11:22

So sorry to hear your news OP. We'll be here whatever you feel the need to discuss.

Desmondo2016 · 31/10/2016 11:38

No judgement here either. It's a very personal decision with no right or wrong answer

mikeyssister · 31/10/2016 12:02

I've never been in the position you're in. I have always been against abortion.

However, I totally understand why you would consider an abortion and I would not judge you in any way, shape or form if you decided to have an abortion.

I think you can only do what's right for you and your family and I wish you peace for whatever you decide.

Do you have anyone you can rely on in RL?

Stilllivinginazoo · 31/10/2016 12:10

No judgements here either.hand holding and support as required.you have to do what's right for you and dcs already have my love.be thinking of you.xx

natb88 · 31/10/2016 12:19

Do you have someone you can take with you to the CVS? I'm sure it's not easy at anytime but it was really hard for me knowing what the outcome was going to be already.

If you do ever feel like someone to chat to, I would be more than happy to listen.

Original poster

Ariel03 · 31/10/2016 12:27

Thank you natb88
My mum is coming with me to the CVS. I actually used to be a Midwife, and one of my best friends is a Screening Midwife, so she'll be there too. That really helps.
I've been told there is a 2% chance the test is wrong, but I'm not holding out much hope.
Abortion is the last thing I want to do, but I already have 2DSs with Autism and ADHD, plus a DD.
I've just started bleeding, I think it's the shock of it all.
Thank you everyone for your supportive words.
X

OP posts:

mikeyssister · 31/10/2016 12:35

My thoughts are with you.

Penguina · 31/10/2016 19:59

as the mother of a SEND child I can understand your feelings. It's not easy at all.

I'm really not sure what I will do if/when we find out any future children are also the same as my dd and I hope I never have to.

Please take the time to think long and hard about it.

How would you feel if the pregnancy ended on its own?

Original poster

Ariel03 · 31/10/2016 20:33

Thank you Penguina. I have started bleeding and have terrible back ache today, so I think I may be losing the baby.
I have thought about how I'd feel if this happens, and I'd be really upset, but also relieved that I didn't have to make such a difficult decision anymore.
I really wasn't planning any more children, but I've bonded with this baby already.
It's breaking my heart as I know I would love her so much, but I have my other children to think of. My life is already a struggle having 2 DCs with SN and being a lone parent.

OP posts:

Stilllivinginazoo · 31/10/2016 20:50

Hope you aren't by yourself Ariel sending big hugs.xx

Maverickismywingman · 31/10/2016 20:52

Didn't want to read and run.
Massive hugs. X

notapizzaeater · 31/10/2016 20:52

Thinking of you x

Original poster

Ariel03 · 31/10/2016 20:57

I am by myself, but my mum lives close so she'll come if I need her.
Off to bed now x

OP posts:

Penguina · 01/11/2016 07:47

How are you this morning?

Original poster

Ariel03 · 01/11/2016 08:13

Hi Penguina,
No more bleeding this morning, but I've been awake most of the night crying.
I have a scan later on today, so I should know more then.
Thank you for asking x

OP posts:

Stilllivinginazoo · 01/11/2016 08:15

Be thinking of you.xx

Inthenick · 01/11/2016 08:16

Good luck today. One day at a time.

Original poster

Ariel03 · 01/11/2016 16:37

Had my scan today and unfortunately my baby girl has died. I am so upset. Have to go in for ERPC on Friday, unless I miscarry myself before then.
Thank you everyone for your support xx

OP posts:

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