12 week scan today showed severe abnormalities [sad]

[acsec]

This is my first pregnancy and DH and I went for 12 week scan this morning. It hadn't really felt real until the sonographer said "There's baby" and I saw baby on the screen. But then she said there were abnormalities with the bowel and went very quiet whilst she took lots of measurements. It was clear to see on the screen that baby did not look like the perfect baby I had always envisioned . She went to find a consultant, but they were both in surgery, so we had to go home and wait for the head midwife to call.

When she did call she was lovely, but said on top of the bowel abnormality, baby was high risk for Down's Syndrome. The consultant wants to scan me himself but not until Monday.

Monday is so far away and I have cried all day and just feel so sad. DH has been great, but we are both preparing for the worst.

I just need a bit of hand holding I guess. This was not the day I thought it was going to be

gingerbreadmam I am sorry to hear that. I am having to have a medical termination took the first pill today and have to go into hospital Wednesday for more pills. It's still sinking in, I had prepared myself for the worst (not that that makes it any easier) but was obviously always hoping for the best.

So very sorry to read this, thoughts are with you.

Sorry to hear your news

I had watched your thread, and had been thinking about you. I am so very sorry.

Much love to you and your dh.

So sorry acsec. My thoughts are with you x

oh acsec im so sorry its just an awful thing. you have no choice though and sometimes i think thats a good thing.

what i have taken from this and my mmc is that my body is good at getting pregnant and good at being pregnant just unfortunately for whatever reason there has been issues with the babies.

if you read the threads on here though lots of people have lots of issues then go on to have healthy dc. i know u wont be thinking of that right now but it helps me.

i hope wednesday is straight forward and you get great support in the hospital. there will be places on here offering support too. will be thinking of u

So sorry that you had such distressing news, wishing you both strength for the next hard days

Devestating acsec im so so sorry xxx

I'm so sorry acsec. I had a medical termination just over 4 weeks ago for Edwards syndrome and I agree with gingerbreadmam that the lack of choice is a good thing. I know how full of sadness and trepidation you must be right now. I found the day itself not as bad as I expected, the days just afterwards much worse and I think I probably feel a bit brighter now than I expected to. Cliche but nothing but the passage of time has really helped. Each day it just gets the tiniest bit easier. Just hang in there and don't demand anything of yourself. Everything you will feel is ok and totally normal. Come back and tell us how you're getting on if you feel like it, otherwise just be really gentle with yourself and as gingerbreadmam has been thinking - you can get pregnant and you can carry a baby. It's overwhelmingly likely that you'll have a very dull and straightforward pregnancy next time! If there is anything you want to know about the procedure then just PM me, happy to answer any questions. Very best of luck xx

I'm so sorry to read your sad news. Hope with time you can look forward :hugs:

hope today has gone as well as can be, thinking of you

So sad - this must be very tough on you and your husband.

I had four miscarriages - each baby had dreadful conditions and that awful phrase "incompatible with life" is one that I remember with great horror and sorrow.

My fifth pregnancy resulted in the little boy I have just read a bedtime story to.

I will never forget the despair and sadness I felt when I was told that my fourth baby (the only one that was tested for abnormalities as that is standard procedure after three losses) had Trisomy 13 and had devastating deformities.

Thinking of you, your partner and your little baby

I'm sorry OP keep strong x

Hi op, I'm so sorry. I've found your thread because I'm looking around in a total state for people in a similar situation to me. I'm 16 weeks today and having a medical termination tomorrow because yesterday they found my baby had died. It's difficult just writing these things down isn't it? We had CVS because of a fairly high risk for Downs etc, got the all clear on that but then 2 weeks later ie Monday got the full results which indicated a 'ring' chromosome. was waiting for an amnio on Friday to find out what that means so was already pretty gloomy when I went for a totally unconnected scan yesterday (to check placenta not adhering because of previous CS, just routine really) and got the worst news.
It's so difficult to know what to say if anything at all. One positive I can think of is we've found out sooner rather than later, I can't imagine what it's like when people get to 20 odd weeks and have to face terminations then.
Take your time to think things through and ask every question in your mind. I must have asked the consultant yesterday 4 times whether the CVS could have caused it (it didn't).
All the best op, hope you're finding ways through it.

Coming back to thank you all again for your support, it means a lot.
I went into hospital yesterday morning and was discharged this evening. The doctors and nurses were very supportive and helpful, DH was there all the way through. It was exhausting and very emotional.
I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight.
eastegg if you want to pm me any questions, feel free.
Petridish I'm so sorry to hear that, but so pleased that you have your little boy.

glad you are home and the worst of the physical side is over. hope your dh is giving you lots of support and you are glad to be home.

i know how difficult it is going in to that place and coming away empty handed. i have no words of wisdom just the old mn saying of be kind to yourself. i always tell myself this and it helps me to feel ok about all the different emotions i feel.

sorry for the poster who has just had to join (on mobile and forgot ur username). i had a similar thing happen at 27wks. discovered a developmental issue at 20wks had amnio all clear but.found out at 27wks our son had died. im so sorry for your loss and if i can help in anyway please let me know

So sorry

It is very hard to lose a precious child.

OP I hope you've been able to get some sleep and rest x

acsec I hope you are bearing up, thank you for you thoughts.
petri I have no idea how you go through this 4 times and survive, I am in awe of you.
I don't want to go into all the details in a hijacky way but suffice to say I delivered the baby yesterday, retained placenta though so had erpc today, feeling physically fine now but have to stay in to tomorrow morning to check blood count as it was too low to send me home. In some ways process better than expected in others worse. I decided to see the baby in the end which I'm glad I did. I've found the literature the specialist midwife gave me helpful, Kings have their own service for the baby which we will be given the date of, and there's a book of remembrance.
I'm so lucky I've got 2 boys at home, the really sad thing I'm going to struggle with is that there will be no more now, DH was unsure about a DC3 in the first place and he will not risk all this again.
Thanks again for all your thoughts.
acsec I might PM you again.

I should have said ginger I'm so sorry for your loss.

thanks east really appreciate that.