Terminating due to hyperemesis but feel guilty.

[tevin]

I recently found out I'm unexpectedly pregnant. I have 2 dc already and suffered with hyperemesis both times (last time it was barely under control). DH and I have always agreed that 2 dc is enough and I couldn't go through another hyperemesis preganancy so I've made the decision to terminate.
I'm on ondansatron already at less than 6 weeks as the vomiting is spiraling out of control but I'm really struggling with my decision. I keep thinking about having another dc and how natural 3 seems. We have the space, although room sharing would be more difficult if this one was the same gender as dc1 due to the bigger age gap, and we could manage ok financially.
But I'm so sick already. I can barely move for nausea and the ondansatron are controlling most but not all of the vomiting.

How do I stop feeling guilty and sad and move on when I know that terminating is the best choice in reality?

Can you get counselling? Ask your gp?

my teeth are OK BTW, after 6 weeks of intense vomming ie 10+ per day my gums a bit sore, but OK
I did worry a lot about my teeth too when deciding to risk another HG pregnancy

Hey Op I can remember feeling as you do.

2 hyperemisis pregnancies and finding the line for the 3. My redeeming grace was the fact that during the third pregnancy i wasn't working so more time to rest (the only thing which helped the HG). I also wanted three but I can still remember in the early stages of thinking an abortion maybe the only way to go...

Is there anyway you could reduce your hours at work / stop work? To be fair my dh did step up and parented as dad and mum for 9 months, but the dd's do not seem unduly scarred by it.. (we are 4 years down the line now!).

There is no getting away from the fact it was an incredibly difficult time. I did avoid admission with my third and I am (completely anecdotally) sure that it was due to the fact that I was not working and able to rest (with a toddler and cbeebies).

It is a rock and a hard place decision you are facing and my heart goes out to you. best wishes whatever your decision.

No judgement from me, and I don't really know if I have any advice. But I am here for handholding. I have had two hyperemesis pregnancies, although with me the longest it has lasted was until 20 weeks, but that still felt like a lifetime and had a massive impact on my mental health and my marriage. My son (then 2) seemed not to be affected so badly though. And now I am out the other side the memory of the awfulness is fading and I am very excited about meeting no2. But I am not sure what I would decide in your shoes, there is no easy answer. It is easy to say 'its only 8 months' but much harder to live through those months. Is there scope for you to have counselling or similar so you can thrash out some of your thoughts a bit more?

I was careful to write 'only eight months of misery' which acknowledges it mightn't be a walk in the park...

Can you get signed off work for sickness?

Thanks for all your posts they are helpful and thank you for pointing out the positives lostlove it's nice to see that there are some!

I think that I'm going to see how I manage the next week or two and take it from there. I'll ask my gp if there's any counselling I can have to help.

I was trying to separate all my different feelings whilst throwing up in the early hours and can see I would love another child but not another pregnancy if I woke up and it was gone I think I'd be sad but partly relieved at not being pregnant so that has really helped me work out what I would need to make this pregnancy doable.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support.

Good Luck OP - whatever you need to do and whatever choices you make I wish you happiness and peace of mind

Good luck op.

I just wanted to say a final thank you to all of you for your support and kind words and let you know that I'm going ahead with a termination. I went into hospital on sunday unable to keep fluids down at all and am still struggling with fluids on 3 types of anti-emetics and steroids so have decided that this I just can't do this for another 8 months :(

Thank you all so much for everything xx

Will be thinking about you. Xx

Sending you all strength and support. It does sound very much as if your body simply cannot do it and you have no choice.

Take care of yourself.

Oh Tevin

Wishing you all the very best. It sounds like this is the right decision for you and your family, but what a horrible decision to have to make.

Tevin, you and your DH have made such a difficult and brave decision in the best interests of your family.

I hope everything goes smoothly and that you're feeling much better soon.

Take care of yourselves.

Sending you best wishes and support and understanding, take care and be kind to yourself

Hope all goes as well as it can and that you come through well. Sending big hugs.
Xx

Sending you hugs... very hard decision for you to have made. Tske care honey xx

Sending you support tevin. I had very severe HG, it sounds a lot like yours. Even the max dose of four antiemetics including ondansetron did not stop me vomiting. I was entirely confined to hospital/bed for many months.

DS is one now and we are tentatively planning a second pregnancy eventually BUT we agreed between ourselves that if the worst had happened and I had fallen pregnant accidentally during this first year we would have had a termination as early as possible. Just because modern medical care means that you can now realistically expect to survive a severe HG pregnancy does not mean that it is not a very serious ordeal with long-term implications for your physical and psychological health.

I also had two early miscarriages (at about five weeks) before my successful pregnancy and both times I felt a great deal of relief when the bleeding started and the sickness stopped, even though I was also disappointed.

I'm sure you have made the right decision for you and your family and I hope you are feeling OK.

Tevin just wanted to see how you're doing honey.

xx

Not doing too good. I was in hospital for almost a week and even in hospital on bedrest with iv anti emetics I was still vomiting and struggling with fluids so we went ahead with the termination and a week later I'm still vomiting, really nauseous and struggling with everything.
I know that given how ill I was I couldn't have coped for the entire pregnancy but I didn't expect to still be so ill and that's making it really hard to feel I made the right decision (although I KNOW I did I just can't FEEL it if that makes sense).
Physically I'm on the mend though and family and friends are very relieved to have me safe and very slowly on the mend.

Poor you, give yourself lots of time to recover x

Tevin Am sorry you've had such an awful time.

Concentrate on one thing at a time. Get physically stronger, because imhe that helps in growing emotionally stronger.

hugs
xxxx

Gosh, you poor thing, that sounds awful. Have the doctors given you any idea how long it will take for your symptoms to improve?

I just have to wait for my hormones to settle down, so hopefully in the next couple of weeks. Ironically a friend has announced her pregnancy (due not long before I would have been :( ) and I'm still iller than she is.