Termination at 20 weeks

[Clarabell78]

After a bad scan yesterday which showed serious abnormalities at 20 weeks we have decided to go ahead with a termination. I am waiting for the midwife to call me back to get this arranged but after reading online I have seen that you can have a general anaesthetic and something called a D&E. It does not seem to be routinely offered though. I would much prefer this option as opposed to having to give birth. Does anyone have any advice on why this was not offered to me and how I would go about getting this option?

Couldn't leave this and run. I have no real advice but just wanted to send a hug your way. Hopefully, someone with more knowledge will be on soon to help you.

Hi,

I also could not read and run. Hopefully somebody will be along with some more information for you. There are other theads on here which might give you some more information. Sending you hugs.

Hi Clara, I'm very sorry you are in this situation. I, unfortunately, have too much experience of this over the past five years, having had a m/c at 6wks, a tfmr at 20wks and then another tfmr at 29wks last year. Both were L&D. On the NHS, whatever happens to the baby, typically you will have to give birth after 14wks (for some hospitals they will operate up to 16wks). From what i understand, it's generally because the skills needed to carry out the procedure in the later stages of a pg are more diffult and they don't have the people/training. I would enquire in the private sector (hopefully you know the organisations I'm referring to) and ask them as I've read that they may have more expertise to call on. But be aware that at 20wks you may already at the limit of what they are able to offer. I'm sorry this is such a clinical/business-like email. What you are going through is terrible. If you do have to go through L&D, you can decide if you'd like to see your baby after, etc. If you haven't heard of them before, do contact ARC (Antenatal Results & Choices) , as they should be able to offer you support. Take care

I had a GA and D&E termination at 16 weeks. I think it was Marie Stopes. The prospect of L&D was horrific and I'm so glad I could avoid that. Don't know about 20 weeks. Perhaps give BPAS or similar a call. So sorry you are going through this. I have been there too. Take care.

Thanks for all your replies. We are in Scotland and there is nowhere here (private or otherwise) which offers the surgical option. We are going to have to go ahead with the L&D which I am dreading. Just feels like a terrible nightmare that I have yet to wake up from. I am broken hearted.

Clarabell, I'm so sorry. Please accept my condolences and good wishes.

This is such a dark time and you can only walk through it - there's no avoiding it - but things do get better I promise you. x

clarabell I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I lost my son at 20 weeks last year due to incompetant cervix, in the end the hospital used pesseries to bring on labour. D&e wasn't offered as it can cause complications later on in pg and not many consultants specialise in doing it after 16 weeks. Also I wanted to see him after he was born so it wouldn't have been an option for me anyway.

If there are any questions you have that I might be able to answer for you please let me know x

Clarabell, so so sorry that this has happened When do you have to go in? {{hugs}}

The midwife has just called. I've to go in tomorrow to take the first lot of medication and then in on Monday to deliver. I've never been more scared or upset. I have no idea what to expect as far as how long it will all take and what level of pain to expect. I am in absolute bits.

I didn't have any pain, but that was probably because my cervix was failing so opened easily, it took about 7 hours for me. The mw was realy good and said I could have as much pain relief as I wanted.

Sometimes the placenta doesn't come away. This is quite common and can require surgery to be removed. I had this with ds2 as he was prem. They gave me a spinal and it took about 20 mins. Luckily last time my mw tried emptying my bladder whic worked and the placenta came away on it's own.

What I didn't know at the time was they can give you tablets to stop your milk. Mine came in three days later which was a shock x

Holding your hand from a distance. It sounds awful and bewildering. I hope they give you as much pai relief as you want to ease your journey.

www.bpas.org/bpaswoman/abortion

Awful situation for you
Hope BPAS can help
Marie Stopes might be useful, too

Clarabell78 so sorry to read your posts. We lost our second son at 21 weeks in this way and went through the L&D process. I did consider bpas etc but the screening midwives warned me that it can be less safe at such a late stage and also advised me that from a mental health perspective going through the physical process and even seeing the baby (which we did in the end but it's a very personal decision) can help in the long term with the grieving process. Do talk to ARC if you can, they are incredibly knowledgable and can also put you in phone/email contact with others who have been through the same process if you wish. They also have a closed forum for those who have been through this.

I hope you find a way through that's right for you. It does get better with time but I think it's one of the worst possible things to have to go through whichever route you take.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/1214853-Antenatal-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-terminate-7

Don't know if the link will work as I'm on phone but there was a support threading here, it's gone a bit quiet recently but maybe the back stories will help you.

www.arc-uk.org/

What a terrible shock Clara. Thinking of you x

I'm very sorry Clarabell78. I am going through something very similar but a day ahead of you. Good luck today. I felt calmer once I had taken the tablets as events will now just happen. I hope you're ok. Xx

Clarabell - I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Much love & strength, Chippy x

Firsttobed - sorry to hear you are going through a terrible time too. Look after yourself, love & strength, Chippy x

Clara78, Firsttobed, so sorry. I can only imagine how depressed you must be, sending you some warmth fron London. Be strong and take care

My heart is breaking for both of you. That's all I can say. hope you find hidden strength to help you cope. x x x

So sorry to see this

I used to be a midwife and supported several women in your position going through labour and delivery. Pain relief will be offered to you and a midwife should be with you right the way through.

Have a look at some of the sites linked to for extra support, I can thoroughly recommend ARC for their advice and support.

I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this Clara... is this your first baby? We lost our second son at 21 weeks after a mid term diagnosis of a fatal condition. I gave birth to him at the royal in Edinburgh... where in Scotland are you? I can remember so clearly the stage you are at now when the process has started and you're just waiting... its so awful and I really feel for you. If you have any questions on the actual birth and what to expect then please say and I can tell you some of the details. My labour was 7 hours and the care and kindness I received was amazing and made a truly horrendous time more manageable. I wish you all the best wishes in the world - take care

Thanks so much all for your messages support it has helped so much. Firsttobed I know that you are a day ahead of me and am sending my love and prayers for you today, it is truly a horrendous time. I am going into the southern general first thing tomorrow and overwhelmingly I am just petrified. The midwife yesterday said that it can take up to 2 or 3 days. I'm sure this is worst case scenario but I am praying it is faster. Does anyone know what I can expect in terms of pain? Apparently I will have a line in with a morphine pump that I will control. I'm hoping that this will allow me to cope but have never been this scared.

Clara, have you given birth before? It reads like you haven't? If that is the pain you're scared of please don't be. Honestly, you will be able to manage that part (with drugs if need be) and once you feel the pain of contractions they will make sense to you. The emotional side might be more overwhelming and for that i can only offer the kindest hug i can muster.