Termination at 20 weeks

[Clarabell78]

After a bad scan yesterday which showed serious abnormalities at 20 weeks we have decided to go ahead with a termination. I am waiting for the midwife to call me back to get this arranged but after reading online I have seen that you can have a general anaesthetic and something called a D&E. It does not seem to be routinely offered though. I would much prefer this option as opposed to having to give birth. Does anyone have any advice on why this was not offered to me and how I would go about getting this option?

Clarabell, I am so sorry that you have lost your little man.

Gentle hugs over the internet to you as you move through the days ahead.

Be very kind to yourself.

I think thats a beautiful name. xxxxx

Clarabell I'm so glad that yesterday was bearable for you and congratulations on your beautiful son. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you both. I hope that your coming few days and weeks are peaceful. With much love xxx

Best wishes to both of you
Thinking of you

Thinking of you and your beautiful son. Glad you had good support at the hospital. Be very kind to yourself. x

Such a lovely name for your little boy :) sending you all lots of hugs and strength x

Just wanted to say a big thanks to each and every one of you for your support over the last week. It has honestly made such a massive difference being able to read all your lovely messages. Big hugs to each and every one of you

Hope all as well as can be expected

How are you all doing Clarabell? x

Clarabell what a lovely name for your beautiful boy. I am glad you got through and had some time with your son.

When I went through something similar, I thought I would never stop crying - but I did. Hold on to that if you can.

It has really been an awful few days. Just when I think I am doing ok something happens and it all comes flooding back and I feel so guilty for not feeling bad for that moment (if that makes any sense). The funeral director called this morning which just floored me. I can't stop seeing his beautiful little features, just like his Daddy and wishing and wondering what if. It's just so so hard but the support and love we have received has just been astonishing and beyond anything either of us expected. It's going to be a long road but all we can do is deal with each day as it comes.

I am sorry you are feeling so shit clara, I know exactly how you feel :( I know from previous losses that the grief does get easier in time. You are right, it is a long road though and we are right at the very start of it.

Clarabel,

I am still thinking often of you and First, for different reasons, I understand the guilt you feel when you momentarily feel happy.

Thats eases with the passage of time, although it takes a long time.

I am so sorry this has happened to you, be kind to yourself, treat yourself often.

This may sound silly, but I burn geranium oil almost all the time, DH thinks it is psychological, but I find it helps a little.

What you are feeling is entirely normal Clarabell, it's very early days for you both. Just try and be kind to yourself as much as you can. It's okay to feel happy at times, it's okay to feel sad too, just go with your feelings at the time and know you are reacting very normally to a traumatic time.

Remember too that even though this pregnancy ended in the way it did that you are still a new Mummy with all the hormonal changes that brings. Look after yourself xx