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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

nuchal test 1:11 for down syndrome, waiting for cvs result

83 replies

drivingmisscrazy · 25/05/2011 11:45

not sure why I am posting really - just need a bit of hand-holding while waiting for cvs results (friday all being well). We are in shock, although shouldn't be - nuchal fold measurement 2.77mm (at 12w6d), nasal bone present (although this wasn't factored into test), one set of bad bloods (forgot to ask which), maternal age 41.

we will terminate if it's downs, and this will be our last pregnancy if that happens. Now I know that 1 in 11 means that there are 10 chances it will be fine, but I am preparing mentally for worse case scenario. Someone has to be the one. We are very stressed, of course, but this is made worse by the fact that we live somewhere that terminations are illegal, so DP will have to travel, most likely alone (we have a dd aged 2) in the event of a termination. This feels nearly as dreadful to me as the termination itself - that I won't be able to be there to comfort her :(

Just to avoid confusion, we are a gay couple and it is my DP who is carrying.

OP posts:
manitz · 26/05/2011 22:50

hi there I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are in this situation. I have had two terminations (the second for downs) and the waiting and second guessing the results is hideous. I hope you get good news tomorrow. x

maisiebee · 26/05/2011 22:58

shocked at the way you all talk about D.S.and terminating if it's positive.I have a D.S.child and let me tell you there are much bigger challenges ahead than something like this.Nice to cancel out life's problemsin this way..

DuelingFanjo · 26/05/2011 23:11

maisiebee, everyone has their own understanding of what they can cope with. We all know that much worse things can happen at birth or later in life but many people do choose to terminate for Downs syndrome. This is not a reflection on how they feel about your child but more on how they feel about their own ability and desire to knowingly have a child of their own with Downs syndrome.

this section of mumsnet is here to support those who will be making difficult decisions about their own circumstances but there is an area here called ethical dilemmas where you can discuss things without upsetting anyone here.

ledkr · 26/05/2011 23:18

Beautifully put dueling i have a niece with ds and i adore her but had all the tests myself as was 43 with dd now 17weeks,its about what you feel you can personally cope with in your own unique circumstances.
Best of luck op.

manitz · 26/05/2011 23:24

Hi Maisie this is a support thread, op has made up her mind and I and I'm sure others have posted to let her know some of us have been in this position should the worst happen. I'm sorry it upsets you and I can see why it would but I don't think your comment is all that helpful in this instance.

This section was created to offer a sanctuary for people who wished to have advice or support whilst undergoing antenatal testing, including discussing termination as an option. These discussions were going on in the general boards but this section can be hidden so those who find it upsetting to read them do not need to.

maisiebee · 27/05/2011 01:21

Ledkr -that's a typically patronising reaction-how do you know how you will cope if it hasn't happened to you.
Glad you won't have to make that choice!

EggletinaClock · 27/05/2011 07:23

Thinking of you here too. I hope you get good news today.

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 27/05/2011 08:01

maisiebee - I don't think anyone said anything about it being positive - on the contrary - it is the most awful heart-breaking prospect. You know nothing about me, my family, my DP or my situation, so at this precise point, I feel obliged to ignore your point of view, although I of course respect it. I would be grateful if you would do the same in relation to me.

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EggletinaClock · 27/05/2011 09:37

Hope you're doing ok drivingmisscrazy. The waiting really is the hardest bit regardless of the outcome.

For what it's worth, I think ignoring our little chum Maisie is probably the wisest option for everyone here. I suspect that if she stops getting any reaction she'll get bored and stop circling other people's distress like some kind of vulture.

DuelingFanjo · 27/05/2011 09:43

thinking of you and your partner today Driving.

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 27/05/2011 09:46

both feeling sick - and at this point someone, somewhere knows what we are so desperate to find out. I've no idea when they might call - I guess results will be sent in this morning and they will ring when they have a spare moment. I know that the midwife practitioners in that unit are mega-busy, but also that they know that we are turning ourselves inside out with worry here.

well maisie is entitled to her view, but some sensitivity to others wouldn't go amiss - I can't allow others' views of the decision we might have to take to have too much effect on me. It's right for us, we've discussed this eventuality since 2007 when we started ttc and we are only more sure now that we have DD's interests to think of (this seems more important for the long-term than the short, admittedly)

I both want that phone to ring, and for it never to ring

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Cherrybug · 27/05/2011 09:47

Drivingmisscrazy - havent posted before on your thread but have read and just wanted to say I hope you get good results. This is a truly awful time you are both going through and soon at least you will know what you are dealing with. Let us know what happens and remember the vast majority of us here will empathise, understand and not pass any judgement. Ignore the unhelpful comments on here.

Masiebee - If you find the discussions of termination for DS upsetting which is understandable, why are you in this area of MN and commenting on posts that you know will upset you? You are entitled to your opinion of course but to deliberately post such comments on a thread where someone is going through such an awful time and reaching out for support is just not a kind thing to do. Everyone has the right to make their own choice, everyone has different circumstances. For someone to say they felt they couldnt cope is not patronising, it is honest. And when someone finds this out during pregnancy they think about every aspect of their lives in making that very heartbreaking decision.

misty0 · 27/05/2011 09:48

Any news hun? xxx Thinking of you.

NatzCNL · 27/05/2011 09:48

Thinking of you today Drivingmisscrazy and your DP xx

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 27/05/2011 09:50

no news yet...hope it will be this morning - would like to digest whatever the outcome is before DD comes home from nursery

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ledkr · 27/05/2011 09:52

maisie i know i wouldnt cope as i have had breast cancer which could reccurr and a ds with kidney failure as well as 3 other dc's so i am sorry if you felt patronised by me but id ask you to afford others the same courtesy.

Best of luck today op.

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 27/05/2011 11:35

just to let you all know that it seems there's a strong possibility that we might have to wait until Monday, as the sample missed the Wednesday courier (it has to go to Glasgow for processing); they haven't rung to tell us this, of course, but I am Angry at the fact that they didn't say this was a possibility, and they relieved us of ?250 for the privilege - which we paid, thinking that at least we could go to bed on Friday knowing...I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it

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Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 27/05/2011 11:36

sorry, tuesday courier

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mrsbigz · 27/05/2011 11:59

oh driving - i do hope that you don't have to wait all weekend - i would give them a ring if you haven't heard by mid-afternoon xxxx
still keeping you in my thoughts x

FannyLogan · 27/05/2011 12:01

Sending you some good vibes. I had a 1 in 3, 4.6nuchal, high hcg. Amino came back clear.2 week old ds on my lap as we speak, absolutely fine - it can happen even with rubbish odds.

The midwife rang us at 8pm on the Friday night - they went out of their way to let us know.

All the best xx

manitz · 27/05/2011 12:08

really sorry to hear you have more of a wait. I can't imagine what this is like when you know it's your last choice and with the added complication of having to travel if the worst happens. I meant to also say that I had my baby on my own as dh had to work and it was possible but beforehand I was really stressed and worried. Once it actually happens it's fine and your body takes over. I really hope your outcome is good though and that you don't need to think about all those issues.

Maybe a busy weekend is the only way to cope with the next few days? Personally I found it helped to really pamper myself like having a takeaway/meal out and treating the family to things we couldn't normally afford like a trip to the zoo or something. Not much compensation I know...Good luck x

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 27/05/2011 12:12

manitz - yes we'll ring this afternoon if they haven't rung us - and yes to the treats and pampering - we got a surprise cheque yesterday, but can't spend it with impunity in case we need it to pay for the termination :(

fannylogan thanks for sharing your story and congrats on your lovely son!

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misty0 · 27/05/2011 12:16

Oh fingers crossed that they get those results to you today. So hard to take your minds off it ..... try to relax as much as you can. xxx

KnitterNotTwitter · 27/05/2011 12:20

driving Just popping in to say that I hope you get your result today. I had a long wait for my CVS results... CVS done Wednesday am and was told I'd probably have them by the end of the week.... Eventually got them late the following Wednesday.

I really hope that whenever your result comes you beat the odds, and so don't have to make the difficult decision.

Original poster
drivingmisscrazy · 27/05/2011 14:03

rang, left messages...am now both stressed AND angry

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