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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

CVS tomorrow (6th April)

99 replies

KnitterNotTwitter · 05/04/2011 19:53

I had my 12 week Nuchal scan today and the combined result came back as 1:3 risk for trisomy. The nuchal measurement itself was 6mm. Bloods were:

Free Beta HcG 24.790 IU/U equivalent to 0.6825 MoM
PAPP-A: 0.200 IU/I equivalent to 0.1823 MoM

Just wanted to post to see if anyone had any thoughts, positive stories or suggestions for me... My CVS is tomorrow...6th April

OP posts:

Collie2 · 15/04/2011 03:42

knitter I just wanted to post again to say I'm so sorry, Reading over your posts here over the past 2 days has had me in in tears. How difficult a day you had yesterday, and how hard but lovely to have seen your little boy bean again. You're so incredibly brave Knitter.

Good luck tomorrow knitter I will be thinking of you all day. Xx

nickstermum · 15/04/2011 09:06

Oh knitter, my heart breaks for you lovely :(
Second Cinammon you havent signed his death warrant, and you have been put in an impossible situation by the bitch that is mother nature and you have made the right decision for your family. No one is judging you, and we all respect your decision .... if it helps i would have made the same choice, however difficult and heartbreaking. you have another DC you have to consider.

Much love xxx

harassedinherpants · 15/04/2011 09:34

Knitter thinking of you today lovely, I'm so very sorry this has happened to you. I can't imagine what you're going through. Be kind to yourself, no one is judging you sweetie xx

Youremindmeofthebabe · 15/04/2011 09:45

Thinking of you today, lovely lady. Can't imagine what you're going through, and I hope it all goes ok. Big love xx

Velvetcu · 15/04/2011 11:44

knitter my thoughts are with you today xxxxx

IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy · 15/04/2011 11:46

Thinking of you knitter x

tunnocksteacake · 15/04/2011 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blackkat · 15/04/2011 20:28

knitter have been thinking of you today xx

Original poster

KnitterNotTwitter · 16/04/2011 06:36

Hello all...

Thanks so much for all the kind words - they really do mean a lot.

Sorry that I didn't post yesterday - was totally knackered after the op and the drive down to the West Country (plus having to talk about it all with my parents) so I just went to sleep.

However I'm awake now (most unlike me) so thought I'd post up for you all.

So the operation went ok - in the 12 hours before hand my mind was so busy... full of what if's... mostly around would it really be so difficult for us if we continued. But which ever way I looked it the implications were going to change our way of life so much it wasn't fair on any of the family.

I sobbed my way into the pre-operation area but by that point I knew I wasn't going to change my mind. The anaesthatist in particular was lovely to me.

Once I woke up from the anasthesia I have been much calmer about everything - because the deed is done and even if I regret it (which only about 1% of me does) nothing can be done about it now - you can never go back.

One thing I wasn't expecting about the termination is that they had to inject me with something that triggers contractions. I don't know if that is normal or whether they struggled to get him out a bit... Does anyone know?

Anyway the dust is settling now - it's off to the wedding for us today and then we're off on holiday for a couple of weeks.

Thank you again for all the support - you've been a shining light in the darkness.

OP posts:

Ninunina · 16/04/2011 07:26

knitter you've been so brave with all of this. I admire your logic and ability to see the bigger picture. I really think its time for life to throw you some roses now. You've been through so much and had some very difficult decisions to make. Noone can judge you for making that decision and I'm glad you were given a choice (where I'm from you're not given the choice).

I hope it won't be too long before you'll get the perfect baby you deserve so much.

misty0 · 16/04/2011 09:09

Morning knitter

you did so well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

SO brave for going to a wedding today. I've only managed tesco this week! I hopw you have a wonderful holiday - and that it helps you pass the first few days as well as you can. Thinking of you xxxx If and when you want, you can find us lurking around on the big thread here. So much love and support.

again

mrsbigz · 16/04/2011 09:27

Morning Knitter, just really wanted to echo what Misty has said. i think you've been exceptionally brave and levelheaded through an extremely emotional and upsetting time, and although i'm sure you will have up and down days in the coming weeks, i'm glad you've found a sense of peace. i hope you have a lovely time at the wedding and being with friends / family helps. please know we're always here if you need someone to talk to. xxxxx

Velvetcu · 16/04/2011 09:28

Hi knitter

Just wanted to send my love and let you know that I'm thinking of you again.

I hope you have a good holiday with lots of rest and tlc.

Life is really unfair and you have had to make awful decisions but you are dealing with things so well. Please continue to let us know how you are getting on lovely.

NatzCNL · 16/04/2011 10:52

Sending hugs to you Knitter xx

MummyAbroad · 16/04/2011 15:12

all my love knitter xxx

wigglesrock · 16/04/2011 20:32

knitter Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you this weekend, take care of yourself xx

Original poster

KnitterNotTwitter · 16/04/2011 21:31

Hey everyone - thank you so much for continuing to check up on me and post your support it really does mean a lot.

The wedding today was lovely - my DS slept through the whole thing in my arms which was super cute (if a little bit sweaty). My new outfit was admired and I managed to hold myself together just fine. I think a few of my friends were expecting me to announce that I was expecting as I hadn't been drinking at the hen weekend 5 weeks ago... but no one asked and I didn't catch any suspicious glancing at my belly.

We've decided not to tell anyoneabotu the termination. While some of my close group of frineds would totally understand there are some who would find our decision very difficult. I didn't want to 'split the group' by only telling some people, so it will remain our little secret. In some ways that makes it seem like I'm ashamed of my decision... When I had the ectopic and subsequent MMC I spoke of them very freely. And yet here I am hiding the existance of a baby that I carried for nearly 14 weeks (it'll be 14 weeks tomorrow).

It may be that I'm doing some of my friends a dis-service but I do think that some of them - specifically the more religous ones - would find our decision wrong. I suppose that part of keeping it a secret is about not having to explain the decision itself. With an ectopic and a MMC there is not decision. But a termination was our choice not natures... I know that maybe the bean would have died later in pregnancy but the fact remains that it didn't, we chose to end it's life.

I guess I'll always wonder 'what if'... what would it have been like if we'd made the other decision, but that is just human nature...

Anyway... the weekend is progressing. Just tomorrow's party to get out of the way and then it's back home where I can relax....

OP posts:

Kat143 · 17/04/2011 07:29

Hi Knitter, I've just read your story and my sympathies to you and I hope you make a quick recovery.
I just wanted to say that your comment about not wanting to tell friends about the termination as they might not agree with your decision struck a chord with me. I'm facing a late termination and have had to tell two friends who are very religious what is happening. I was slightly apprehensive but decided I would just be straight with them. I received two similar responses from them saying they were sorry, I could call them anytime to talk and they were praying for us all.
I think people are more likely to be sympathetic than judgemental as it's such an awful situation. I know there will be exceptions to this and you know your own friends best but I think people may not react how you might initially think.
I'm only saying this in case you are limiting the support you could access later by not telling any of this group.
Take care though and hope you got through the wedding.

Cantdothisagain · 17/04/2011 09:10

Hi Knitter, have read your story and am amazed by how calm and dignified you have been through this. I am so sorry about the loss of this baby and the previous mc.

I have had 2 terminations, for fatal conditions, and haven't told many people either. Partly it's judgement but really I doubt anyone would judge, it's more I felt they wouldn't understand (I told one friend the first time, a medic, in fact, someone who sees herself as liberal, and her response was 'that's awful, poor you, I can see why you did it. I don't know how you can carry on after letting your baby go' which left me feeling as though I was heartless to keep on living after terminating my baby - when my baby had no chance of survival anyway and would have died at birth. So she didn't judge, but her comments didn't help either, IYSWIM). Go with your instinct on who to tell, I think.

I still imagine what if my babies had lived when I see children the ages they would be now... but they couldn't have lived, and I now have a healthy 1 year old, so it's more a pang of sadness than something all-encompassing as it was at the start.

Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

nickstermum · 17/04/2011 19:29

knitter your strength continues to amaze me.

I wish you and your family the very best of luck with your continuing journey xx

Original poster

KnitterNotTwitter · 18/04/2011 11:11

Probably a final update from me on this thread.

I just wanted to let you all know that my mum and dad's party went well. I knew it was going to be a stressful occasion as when my mum is in major organisning mode I need to be at 100% not to get cross with her. She has a very annoying way of giving unclear instructions and then interfearing when you're not doing things the way she expected.... particularly for trivial things... apparently I sliced the tomatoes wrong for example...sigh.

About mid-morning I had to take myself away and have a little cry - don't know what triggered it but suddenly I was taken over by the grief of it all.

Physically the bleeding has pretty much stopped - I remember not bleeding for long after the ERPC following my MMC last year so I'm pleased that I've been lucky again on that count...

My next step is to try and find a TTC board where I feel I belong...

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to everyone who has posted - it really has meant so much to me and has really helped me in this dark time.

OP posts:

misty0 · 18/04/2011 12:03

Knitter -

On "antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate VI", here on this forum, there are actualy ...... erm ...... 5, i think, of us who have very recently gone through what you and i have - and are also now starting on the road of ttc again.

Me, cinnamondog, bluecat, mrsbigz, cremegg ... (if i've left anyone out i'm realy sorry) and we're all sometimes up, sometimes down - but always around !!!! Sometimes i write some real nonsense, and think "Oh god they're all going to think i've gone totaly bonkers, lol, but then someone'll come on and say they've been thinking the same. Come if/when youre ready lovey

You will find weird things upsetting. I do. I'm fine up the baby isle in Tesco, or looking at other mums with babies. But seeing a programme or going somewhere "I last did/went/saw when i was pg." for eg. - sets me off.

Just take care of no.1 ....... You! xxx

Cinnamondog · 18/04/2011 12:09

Hey knitter

There's a whole bunch of us from here ttc, (misty, cremegg, bluecat, mrsbigz, sorry if I missed anyone!), so keep hovering over here too. Don't know if we'll move en masse to the conception area or stay here; we are a very special bunch of ladies with special things to consider so might just stay in our special area. I know I'm glad they're coming with me on my ttc journey and you are very, very welcome to join us, hanging round the 'Support for those who have chosen....VI' thread until further notice!

Hope to catch up with you soon a bit further down the line with more smiles and less tears. Stay strong xxx

manitz · 18/04/2011 17:52

hi knitter, I understand your decision but it seems sad to me that you effectively wont really have anyone to discuss this with if you need to. On the other hand we told everyone but also feel quite private about our grief and dh and I went into hiding a bit as we know it was our choice and whilst our friends don't actually criticise, they are not in our position and can't understand until they are. My in laws are really religious and have supported us well. It may not meet their ideology but they know it's not them who would have to deal with the consequences either way

I hope you can get support where you need it and would second or third the ttc board here. x

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