Im posting this to rant and get shit of my chest more than needing advice but please feel free to comment whatever.
I am dealing with so much right now.
I have made some serious mistakes in life, mainly choosing who my baby daddy is. We started out as a couple but we recently broke up (somewhat mutual) and honestly he was the worse partner hence why I left, but now he is the worse dad.
We have a 2 and half year old boy and now a 1 month old girl.
he left me a month after our son was born and slept with someone else during that time, he tried to get me back when our boy around 6 months old I rejected him. We then got back together when our boy around 1 year old (as I said earlier bad mistake) skip a year a half when I have our daughter and we both decided we were unhappy in the relationship and ended it the morning she was born.
my boy was a golden baby despite not having his father around, he was sleeping through the night from about a month old, didn’t suffer from colic, was super easy to settle and everything about being a mum I loved. With my daughter she is super clingy, doesn’t sleep when I put her down, she whines and fidgets so much to the point it’s actually annoying/irritating and I have to put her down , everything about her hasn’t gone how I wanted it too. The pregnancy was dreadful, I didn’t get to birth her how I wanted too because she was breech so I needed a c section, I’ve not been able to breastfeed because after the first few days I wasn’t producing enough milk for her so I switched to combi feeding but that became to exhausting with the lack of sleep so I’ve cut out breastfeeding all together and I loved it so I gutted.
im currently battling a cold that my toddler gave to me.
and although baby daddy sends child maintenance every month and if they need anything he’ll give me the money to get it but when he’s here and sees the kids he doesn’t actually seem all that interested spending quality time with them.
I then feel bad for them especially my boy because they deserve someone who actually wants to spend time with them doing things they want to do.
and I’m feeling super guilty tonight especially because I’ve been trying for hours to settle my daughter to sleep in her basket but everytime I get into bed and lay down she wakes up and since I’m ill and already so exhausted I’ve sent her to my mums for the night but honestly I am not ready for her to be away from me so I’m feeling guilty
OK typing this out and getting it off my chest has helped me, apologies for anyone who has reached the end of this because I know this is a lot to read and I probably ended up leaving something out.