Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Flip

Original poster

Gender dissapointment

7 replies

shrmum · 24/02/2015 14:51

Hi all, I know this is a touchy subject. Does anybody have any reassuring stories how they felt and overcame this after baby was born. I have a daughter and I am 32 weeks with my second. I long for a boy. I don't know the sex and don't know how to deal with this situation. Will this just go when I give birth? I feel so selfish.

OP posts:

Buttwing · 27/02/2015 14:34

Hi, I know how you are feeling. When I was pregnant with dc4 I was really hoping it would be a boy. Of course the most important think was a healthy baby and if it was a girl I would have adored her but being totally honest I did have a bit of a preference for a boy.
I had 2 dds and 1 ds who was only 13 months when the baby was due. I thought it would be lovely for him to have a brother especially as they were so close in age.
In the end I decided I had to know one way or the other. I thought if it was a girl I did not want to feel even an ounce of disappointment when she was born. I didn't find out what I was having with any of the others but I felt I had to know and come to terms with it one way or another.
I was having regular growth scans which I had to go to on my own as dp was working and at 28 weeks I asked the sonographer to tell me and I found out I was expecting a boy. I didn't tell anyone I'd found out not even dp but I know it was the right thing for me to do. I told dp when he was about 8 weeks old and he said he understood.
Would you consider finding out? I felt I would rather know before. If I had another (which we won't 4is enough for us) I wouldn't be bothered really but now I feel a bit sad at the idea of no more baby girls!!

becsparkel · 03/05/2015 22:04

It is a touchy subject but I'm sure it's more common than admitted. Although I didn't fully realise it, I think I longed for a baby girl... I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I think acknowledging your feelings helps but over a very short time, the baby you birth becomes the most intriguing, brilliant individual you will ever meet (ok, on par with other DC's) - and as long as you see the individual, you will be fine.

tellmemore1982 · 03/05/2015 22:08

I think the fact that you're already addressing it and thinking about how you will feel means you'll be ok, don't put too much pressure on yourself (there's enough of that ahead). You will fall in love with the person that your child is as you get to know them, regardless of the gender.

Notyourordinarymum · 12/05/2015 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Figuringitout · 17/05/2015 21:11

I am in the same position, and feel ashamed about it. I know that I am lucky to be pregnant and that lots of women would give almost anything to be in my shoes. However, that doesn't make what I'm feeling any easier; just harder to talk about.
I have a daughter and am currently 32 weeks with our next baby, we also don't know the sex. I already feel very emotionally detached from this pregnancy as I conceived quite quickly after having a tfmr - which was horrific.
I have a real preference (and I feel guilty for admitting this) for another girl. I always longed to have a sister and I would like my daughter to experience that relationship. I know, rationally, that sisters might not be close and I have brothers who I am very close to, but that's kind of the point. It's not rational. I do not wish to feel like this and it is making me even more anxious about an already fraught pregnancy.
I kind of wish I had found out, I'm still debating having a private scan - but I don't know if knowing will make me feel better and worry about how I might react if it is a boy.
I have been referred for counselling - not for this as I am too ashamed to admit it in RL, but I might perhaps be brave when I finally get an appointment.
It is hard and I hope that somehow we both find some peace...

Kent1982 · 25/05/2015 22:22

Hi I was told I was having a boy then I had private scan at32 weeks, erm a girl I was devastated id made a life for the baby a personality the lot. I cried and cried. She is here now and I just couldn't imagine it any other way xx

RandomMess · 25/05/2015 22:36

I desperately wanted girls. I didn't find out with nos 2,3,4 because I felt that post birth I would just be so relieved it was over that any disappointment would be softened IYSWIM.

I have 4 dds so I didn't have to deal with that disappointment but I was very detached from them until a while after they were born, didn't let myself think about what they would be like etc I think that was my coping mechanism at that time.

Flip