Put on anti d's today... Scared and do not want to tell anyone...

[Madonna1987]

Hi everyone
I have finally gone to the docs about pnd and feel so relieved bit scared too.

I feel after 8 months of dd being born i had to go. I love my dd and feel a good bond with her, but its everything else. The loss of me as i know 'me', the constant arguments with my dh. The money worries. The lack of feeling/love/lust for my dh (just feel completely numb to him)The hating where i live. The loss of ambition, the resentment of just about everyone (especially my lovely but over - imposing MIL)

I know if i didnt get help for my constant low mood and general hopelessness I may lose my dh amd he needs me too. More than anything i just want to be the best woman i can for my dd.

I have guilt about ending on ant ds as everyone told me not to rush into having a baby etc and i did and now i feel its my fault and im a failure and i have to live with the guilt forever. But on the other hand i feel like the depression is mot related to my daughter at all. As i have a great bond and love her dearly.

Its all so suffocating and isolating and no one would ever know as i have tried to hide it so well. I am telling no one but my dh as i so ashamed right now. Sorry for essay!!

I also feel calmer on prozac.
Yup, keep keeping on.
I feel more positive.
It was a lot of money for nite nurse, but very necessary.

I had pnd after the birth of my first child. If it's any consolation to you assuming 1987 is your year of birth I was 6 years older than you and had been married 7. So deffo didn't rush into it and in fact was under pressure the other way.

It is hard, it is a horrible time but try and drop the guilt. What has happened has happened, you've been bloody unlucky to get pnd but it is the reality of your life at the moment. All you can do is your best to get well.

Thanks brettgirl :) very kind / matter of fact words. You are right- i gotta do best i can with what i got.

Guilt is subsiding ever so slightly... Especcially hearing its a common symptom... Thanks ladies

Especially **

Hi Madonna. How did you get on with Christmas festivities today ?

Hi sheissmall
Xmas day went smoothly :) i was exhausted but slept better than i have for a week last night so feel human today! These ADs are def kicking in ... Obv not to full effect but feel lighter and less anxious already. How about you?

Glad all well Madonna

Same here too. The effects of the meds so far is brilliant. Like you it's not full effects yet but it's much better. I'm less irritable snappy and desperate. Me and DH getting on much better too as a result. Hope the effect continues.