Waste of a name?! *(TW - miscarriage)

I can understand someone hyper-rational thinking it, but not saying it out loud. Especially not about someone else's lost baby.

I think it’s pretty odd to name a foetus that was miscarried at 15 weeks. So yes, the friend could’ve worded it better but I can sort of see her point.

Also depends on how you view miscarriages, I haven't had one so wouldn't judge but they are common.

Not very common at 15 weeks at all:

Between weeks 14 and 20, the chance of experiencing a miscarriage is less than 1%. By week 20, a pregnancy loss is known as a stillbirth, and this may cause a person to go into labor.

It is not just like a heavy period either. I decided to choose the natural route and ended up in hospital on a drip due to hemorrhaging.

This is from the charity Tommy's:

A late miscarriage is one that happens after the first 14 weeks of pregnancy, but before 24 weeks. It is also sometimes called a second-trimester or mid-trimester loss. It can be very hard to understand why a late loss is called a miscarriage rather than a stillbirth. This is because, from a legal point of view, a baby is thought to have a good chance of surviving if they are born alive at 24 weeks. This distinction can be upsetting for some women who have a late miscarriage because they may also give birth to their baby and, understandably, feel that it should be called a stillbirth.

If you have a late miscarriage, you will need to go through labour to give birth to your baby. This can be a very distressing time and you may be in shock. The staff caring for you at the hospital will understand this and will explain what your options are clearly so you can make a decision about your treatment.

If you have a late miscarriage, you will need to go through labour to give birth to your baby. This can be a very distressing time and you may be in shock. The staff caring for you at the hospital will understand this and will explain what your options are clearly so you can make a decision about your treatment. Ask as many questions as you need to so you feel as comfortable as possible.

Your doctor may suggest that you can go home and wait to see if labour starts naturally. If you want to do that, try to have someone stay with you for support.

Your doctor may advise you to be induced, which means starting labour artificially. You may also choose to be induced as soon as possible if you don’t want to wait for labour to start naturally.

You will have to go into hospital to have an induction, where you should be given your own room or quiet area.
You may want to start having the labour induced as soon as possible. If so, you will be given medication to swallow, or pessaries to insert in your vagina, to induce labour. When this will happen may depend on when a private room is free.

You will be offered a medicine to help soften the cervix (the entrance to the womb), to allow the pregnancy to pass out of the womb. This medicine might be given as an oral tablet or a vaginal pessary.

You may also be given Oxytocin. This happens if your waters have broken and they need to encourage contractions if they haven’t started naturally. Oxytocin can also be used to make contractions regular and stronger.

It may take several hours for the medicine to be effective, and, depending on your stage of pregnancy, the labour can be very painful. You will be offered a range of pain relief to help with this. Sometimes the birth comes quickly. Sometimes it can take several more hours.

You can talk to the hospital staff about whether you want to see your baby and hold them after they are born.
The staff may also be able to do things like:

• help you create hand and footprints
• dress the baby in clothes you have chosen
• take a photograph and save it for in case you want to see it later.

Apologies for the repeat paragraph.

And yet you chose to voice them here.

OP I'm very sorry for your sister's loss ❤️ I've named 2 of my 6 babies that I miscarried. We'd seen a heartbeat in one, they were our children. We don't have any living children. My pregnancy loss counsellor suggested we name our babies as a way of connecting to them.

One of the worst things about pregnancy loss is that no one else acknowledges that it is a loss and you grieve. There is no grief like it, having a life inside you and then carrying them in death.

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you've been through an awful lot. You'll always have those angel babies 💕
It only happened to me once but I needed months of counselling - the grief was something else. The lack of empathy and understanding from friends and family was an extra stab in the heart.

Ok to think it. Not ok to say it. It's quite unusual to name a baby at such an early stage of pregnancy I would've thought for precisely this reason. V sorry for your sister's loss.

One of the worst things about pregnancy loss is that no one else acknowledges that it is a loss and you grieve. There is no grief like it, having a life inside you and then carrying them in death.

I’d echo this. I had an early loss. I named the baby the name he would likely have been given at full term (and been a boy - I was convinced he would be). I couldn’t give him much, but I could give him a name and doing so felt significant to me. It was an acknowledgment of the life I imagined living with him had he been born alive.

I think with MC and baby loss people are free to think whatever they want, but a big dollop of empathy helps when you are speaking with the mother/parents.

I had about the easiest experience of miscarriage one could have - one loss, early, not too much physical pain, with a living child before and twins after. But I still think about that loss and the circumstances around it most days.

Educate yourself a little. I was having contractions, lots of bleeding, admitted to hospital and passed structures that very clearly were not a period. Plus if someone has recurrent miscarriage, they would need to know so they can have testing. Not everyone chooses to be an ignorant person, good if it works for you though.

In the past, there was a tradition in Scotland that after a child died in infancy, the next same-sex child born, inherited the same name of the sibling they never knew.

But you know you're pregnant, you might have missed a period. You might have taken a test. Life with that child behind the second you see that line. you know a life is growing inside you, you imagine a future with this child in your family.

When that life ends the grief is real.

My mum said something similar when I had DS3. She asked if I was going to use the same middle name (my dad's name) as I had given stillborn DS2. It was as if she thought it would honour my Dad more to have a living child carrying his name or something.
Anyway, no, DS2s name was his name we chose when I was pregnant and it was never going to be taken from him just because he was dead. No.
DS3 deserved his own name and Dad already had his grandchild named after him so no need for a repeat.

Yes, because the point of posting is to get different perspectives. I say that as someone who has had losses and secondary infertility because I carried a foetus that had died and got a serious infection. I'm on the fence about turning natural aspects of life into traumatic events. They are individually, but you've still got to get on with things.

I've had losses and so did my friends, other mums etc. We were aware that pregnancies could result in a loss. Perhaps it's the modern idea that we can all have what we want? Perhaps because we were younger than the average age people start families now, so thought we would have time to still have a baby? There Seemed to be more if a "what will be, will be" attitude. Perhaps because as women, there was still a lot of resignation about our lot in life?.

@Ponoka7 I'm sorry to hear you have experienced a miscarriage, but I'm guessing it was fairly early on (most common between 6 & 8 weeks). A 2nd trimester loss is a whole different ball game.

A loss at 15 wks and a foetus the size of an apple it is going to be quite a bit more than a late period!