Waste of a name?! *(TW - miscarriage)

At 15 weeks I would also feel that it's a loss of a pregnancy, not a loss of a baby. So yes, I would use the name for a baby later. Not sure where the limit is for me - I think I would put it at fetal viability outside the womb, so about 22 weeks. After that I would not reuse the name.

I don't think a different opinion would be wrong either.

Nothing wrong with the wording at all. This was a wanted baby so 15 weeks pregnant or 15 weeks or 15 years since it’s not any different The only difference is the size . You wouldn’t say a 2 year old was any less of a person than an adult just because there is a size difference.

This was a wanted baby, a loss. The loss of a child .

What a beautiful legacy...you gave her something very special...the best name was a wonderful thing to give her💕.. I'm so sorry for your loss...

I've named my babies before my pee on the stick dried, we're all different.

I've also had it said "waste of a name" for my last loss, when i didn't think I'd cope reusing the names chosen previously.

Big love to you and your sister, 15 weeks is a long time to love your baby, because whilst it's still cells for much of that, the potential to an excited person is huge.

Lots of people (and I applaud them and actually am quite jealous of them) are very logical with pregancy and don't make a fuss really until baby is here.
I'm someone who'd throw myself under the Kings horse to keep access to abortion and fully understand my raspberry seed sized teeny little cells aren't a baby, but I still call them that. To me, the second I'm pregnant I'm giving them names, imagining their interests, wondering what food they'll like etc.
I have Pinterest boards of how their rooms will not look anything like because I don't have a West Wing, but still, we're all so different, when it comes to pregnancy, so I think it wasn't reading the room what your friend said, but it's how she feels. Nobody is wrong to feel that way, but maybe voicing it was a bad judgement call.

I agree with her. I lost a very wanted baby at 15 weeks. It never occurred to me to given them a name. But I know that everyone deals with things differently and if this name had already been given to this baby then it would feel wrong for her to use it for another.

I would find it odd to name a 15wk foetus as I would see it as tempting fate but each to their own. In a way Milo will be forever with your sister because he had a name. I lost two and they are first miscarriage, second etc but to me they were my babies and I sort of regret that they weren't named. I know I've just contradicted myself but it's a confusing thing to consider.

Your pal was horribly insensitive to you, its not just your sisters loss, you lost a little nephew too. I get why she thought it but she should have kept her mouth shut. She needs to work on her filter

I think it’s just a different point of view, so she isn’t wrong to hold that opinion.

However, she’s wrong to voice it to you or suggest that you and your sister must adopt that position too. Your sister can choose to name a foetus whatever she wants to but most people tend to give them amusing non human names until birth, but there’s no specific etiquette around naming a pregnancy bump.

Some people are happy to re-use a name that was previously given to a stillborn baby or child that lived a very short life. This was much more common years ago when families were larger and you’d have maybe 3 boys called Tommy but the previous two had died either before or shortly after birth and so they named the third born male Tommy too. My Ex was given the name of his deceased older sibling who had died a couple of years before Ex was born.

Maybe tell your friend that your sister is following an old family tradition? She can hardly argue with that!

This, it sounds like a very clumsy turn of phrase and definitely something that you think but don't say, as there is no way of saying it without sounding offensive!

I would not have used a name I could use later but a) it doesn't mean I am right and b) I wouldn't have said this out loud!

I'm a bit sick of reading this to be honest. It may be usual to have a name ready when you're 15 weeks pregnant but it is not unusual to want to name your baby you have lost after carrying for months. Women that lose beyond the first trimester will see and probably hold their baby once it is born. I and many others certainly do give them names.

It’s certainly a bizarre thing to say!!! Everybody has their own way to deal with things. Personally I never named any of my losses, I also chose not to have funerals or memory boxes etc. it was just my way of dealing with it. I absolutely support those who choose to do the opposite. So no I would never say naming a lost child a waste of a name. It’s extremely thoughtless.

I think that’s right. They wanted me to labour my second trimester loss and I decided to fight against that and had a surgical procedure instead. If I had been forced to go into labour and see the child, I think I would have named the child.

I've never put a name to a miscarriage, and I probably agree with your friend. I wouldn't have actually said it to you though.

Imagine doubling down and not apologising when you were clearly upset. I don’t agree with her at all but it’s definitely something that splits opinion and is best not said aloud in some situations.

I miscarried at 14 weeks and chose a name for my baby. He came out in the pregnancy sac so I held him in my hands. This was definitely the loss of a baby despite some of the comments on here.

I lost a pregnancy at 15 weeks. The baby had a name but I've never told anyone else because it was and is completely private.

This, all the way.

I thought the same thing!

I have to say, I kind of agree with the friend's opinion.... how close a friend is she? Is she generally lacking in filters? Is she normally a good friend? She shouldn't have said that out loud to you, but if this is a 'blip' in an otherwise good friendship, I think you have to put it out of your mind and let it go. People say absolutely fucking stupid things sometimes.

I also find it strange to have named a 15 week foetus tbh. I had two miscarriages and quite apart from the fact I never got to find out the gender (I wish I could have known), and while I regarded them as my much-wanted babies, it would never have occurred to me to give them a name.

Even if you think it's unusual to name a baby in pregnancy (and FWIW, I don't think it's unusual at all), surely you'd have the good sense and common decency to keep your trap shut about it?

What an asshole!!

That baby has a name and will be part of your sister's family forever, even though he has died.

Jesus Christ what the fuck is wrong with people.

What an insensitive terrible thing to say.... I'd ditch that 'friend'.

Her opinion isn't unreasonable, but the voicing of it to someone else about their situation is juat dreadful.

I kind of agree with the friend but I absolutely wouldn't say it out loud.

It's entirely up to an individual how they deal with their miscarriage, there isn't one right way.

I had bump names and then proper names once they were born. I wouldn't have given either dc a birth name at 15 weeks but that is just my personal preference.

Oh my goodness.. 😟 People can be so inconsiderate.